Drank two nights in a row for the first time in awhile and feel bad about it
Over the last couple months, have been doing a lot better overall, but it never feels like enough and each falter feels worse when I've trying to be committed to being sober
Idk, I'm angry at myself and disappointed and don't know what to do with that
I'm making so much effort to improve myself and it's just like it all feels pathetic and useless sometimes
I feel really lonely and upset with where I am in my life and just wish I had a partner and some close friends and there's just nothing for me other than masochistic exercise and cats
Don't get me wrong, I love both of those, but it still feels really hollow sometimes
Idk
People need other people sometimes and I happen to be a person and unfortunately don't really have anyone
Hey you're doing your best and this is what that looks like right now and that's okay. Sometimes self care looks messy from the outside.
You didn't deserve to be treated poorly by your dad. You didn't deserve to be traumatized by his shitty parenting. You do deserve love and respect as you try to cope with the fallout of his lack of empathy and respect.
I'm really proud of you for caring about yourself and setting healthy goals. I see you making progress towards those goals even as this burden you carry tries to pull you down. We are all imperfect humans doing the best we can, baby!