I think I am losing my partner to idpol and I am really sad about it. After the uprising she started a queer collective with some people. They all hate me because I am a cis white male... You probably think they dont actually hate me, but trust me, they do. Obviously, they don't owe me anything, and its fine, I don't really care about what they think of me. But now they are pressuring my partner to dump me. Things were good, but then she started saying I "don't understand" this, or I am too white, male, cis, etc to understand her. Now she wants a one month break to explore herself and has completely excommunicated me. This is a serious multi year relationship, we weren't just dating. We know each others families and go on trips together and what not. Ugh, I don't know. Just venting.
Same thing happened to me this year. The annoying part is you can never tell if the anti-cis male sound board is a conscious point of leverage for your SO to leave the relationship or if their influence is the main cause of the relationship decline.
Yep... Good point. She would always tell me that she doesn't listen to them regarding us and that she loves me. In fact, the last night before our "break" she said that I am all she has. IDK. I just imagine her telling them about this break and them simply encouraging her to say fuck it, why even get back together after the break, he is cis, or some shit. Oh, to top it off, several of her fellow queer collective comrades are completely in love with her. So there is that, too.
Yeah, in my situation once we got to her wanting a "month break" she was communicating to friends family that she was trying to build up the courage to divorce. She ended up in a poly relationship with a local couple and now that she's tired of them she's moving across the country to be with someone she met from an online sex addiction support group 🤷♂️
Once the new anti-cis group has high enough influence they're likely to label you as an overly controlling cis male for pointing out that they're a main cause of the relationship decay, btw.
She is swearing up and down that she isn't breaking up with me. A few days after she called me saying she loves me, misses me, etc. I don't know. I am sure they are saying I am hyper controlling, though I am not. I don't get jealous and I never cared about what she did, with her collective or any of her friends. Lets see how it plays out. I am just venting.
We'll goddammit, you were right. She called me, bawling, telling me she does in fact want to end things. Perhaps it's not so much Idpol, I don't know, we're going to talk about it tonight but she is saying she can't mentally be in a relationship right now. I'm pretty fucking heartbroken. I envisioned spending the rest of my life with her. Goddamn. Also, I've never actually been the one on the receiving end of a break up. Shit sucks, man. This is a horrible time to be alone.
Sorry you're going through this, man. Shit is painful when you whiplash from expecting to spend the rest of your life with someone to getting told on the phone they want to break up.
In other news my ex changed pronouns from she / her to fae / faer this week after decades of standard pronouns. So maybe some surprise neopronouns are in your future as well.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know how hard breaks/breakupscan be. Glad you feel safe enough to talk about it in this community.
I’ve learned it’s not good to be in a relationship where the other person is okay with having friends that shit on your partner. Honestly, talking bad about your partner to anyone else creates a crack in the relationship and that “friend” will exploit it.
Not every friend of there’s has to like you, but when the whole friend group is against you it becomes almost impossible for the relationship to work. Hang in there. You got this.
Thanks for the kind words. I was worried to bring it up as I didn't want to come off as queerphobic or anything like that, cause I am not. But yeah, her new friends within this collective don't like me, but her original friends do for the most part. I am pretty good friends with a couple of them, too. Its hard.
I think I am losing my partner to idpol and I am really sad about it. After the uprising she started a queer collective with some people. They all hate me because I am a cis white male... You probably think they dont actually hate me, but trust me, they do. Obviously, they don't owe me anything, and its fine, I don't really care about what they think of me. But now they are pressuring my partner to dump me. Things were good, but then she started saying I "don't understand" this, or I am too white, male, cis, etc to understand her. Now she wants a one month break to explore herself and has completely excommunicated me. This is a serious multi year relationship, we weren't just dating. We know each others families and go on trips together and what not. Ugh, I don't know. Just venting.
Same thing happened to me this year. The annoying part is you can never tell if the anti-cis male sound board is a conscious point of leverage for your SO to leave the relationship or if their influence is the main cause of the relationship decline.
Yep... Good point. She would always tell me that she doesn't listen to them regarding us and that she loves me. In fact, the last night before our "break" she said that I am all she has. IDK. I just imagine her telling them about this break and them simply encouraging her to say fuck it, why even get back together after the break, he is cis, or some shit. Oh, to top it off, several of her fellow queer collective comrades are completely in love with her. So there is that, too.
Yeah, in my situation once we got to her wanting a "month break" she was communicating to friends family that she was trying to build up the courage to divorce. She ended up in a poly relationship with a local couple and now that she's tired of them she's moving across the country to be with someone she met from an online sex addiction support group 🤷♂️
Once the new anti-cis group has high enough influence they're likely to label you as an overly controlling cis male for pointing out that they're a main cause of the relationship decay, btw.
She is swearing up and down that she isn't breaking up with me. A few days after she called me saying she loves me, misses me, etc. I don't know. I am sure they are saying I am hyper controlling, though I am not. I don't get jealous and I never cared about what she did, with her collective or any of her friends. Lets see how it plays out. I am just venting.
We'll goddammit, you were right. She called me, bawling, telling me she does in fact want to end things. Perhaps it's not so much Idpol, I don't know, we're going to talk about it tonight but she is saying she can't mentally be in a relationship right now. I'm pretty fucking heartbroken. I envisioned spending the rest of my life with her. Goddamn. Also, I've never actually been the one on the receiving end of a break up. Shit sucks, man. This is a horrible time to be alone.
Sorry you're going through this, man. Shit is painful when you whiplash from expecting to spend the rest of your life with someone to getting told on the phone they want to break up.
In other news my ex changed pronouns from she / her to fae / faer this week after decades of standard pronouns. So maybe some surprise neopronouns are in your future as well.
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I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know how hard breaks/breakupscan be. Glad you feel safe enough to talk about it in this community.
I’ve learned it’s not good to be in a relationship where the other person is okay with having friends that shit on your partner. Honestly, talking bad about your partner to anyone else creates a crack in the relationship and that “friend” will exploit it.
Not every friend of there’s has to like you, but when the whole friend group is against you it becomes almost impossible for the relationship to work. Hang in there. You got this.
Thanks for the kind words. I was worried to bring it up as I didn't want to come off as queerphobic or anything like that, cause I am not. But yeah, her new friends within this collective don't like me, but her original friends do for the most part. I am pretty good friends with a couple of them, too. Its hard.
Yeah I’m with you it’s super challenging. Take this time apart to evaluate the relationship and do what’s best for yourself.