As someone in a similar position, I both take solace and deeply fear the fact that no matter what I do my life and everything around it will continue to happen regardless of my choices. Our brains crave a feeling of stability when existence is nothing more than an unstoppable wind that pushes everything forward. It's like falling off a cliff but your body never levels out, you keep falling down even when down is where up used to be. It doesn't make any sense whether you try to figure it out or not. In short, don't think about it, enjoy the breeze, eat and drink like shit while your body can still handle it, and when it can't start taking fiber supplements. This message sponsored by Metamucil.