I've just completely become fucked off from transitioning. I've spent the last year being called Sir working retail to pay rent on a place I don't even like, never having the money to pay for shit like electrolysis, etc. I lost my spiro and don't really even care. I stopped taking my estrogen a couple days after I finally refilled my prescription and got it shipped to me. I care less and less by the day when people misgender me. It's actually made me feel kind of jealous and hostile to hot cis-passing trans girls. And I have become so fucking alienated from the trans "community." I can see the joy leaving people's eyes when they think they've met another person like them and then find out I don't want to be friends with them and I'm a piece of shit. I don't know why I'm like this and I wish people would understand. I'm not a bad person. Am I?

Am I?