Birthdays. In the most horrible definition of nostalgia, I feel old, even though I'm 24 "only", I have seen my teens pass at an incredible speed. Also, finding old school stuff, like grade reports, notes and so on, make me remember I failed at nearly everything I tried because I never put in the energy it required. Same goes for old photos, I found myself ugly past 10, and I still do at some degree; despite some contradictory experiences I have had. And despite all of this, I wish to go back, and change the way I lived.

In a weird way, I also feel nostalgic for a world and an age I have never experienced, aka the cold war. What strikes me is that the 20th century was one of the most horrific ones in history, and yet, for all its violence and death, it was the most hopeful one. FInding old French socialist songs, or your well-known soviet ones makes me wonder what world would we be living in, had things happened slightly differently. The biggest tragedy of our times, is what hasn't been accomplished when so much potential was there : imagine a world without poverty, starvation or disease. Imagine that meme where you ask someone about the horrors of 2020, and that person just wonders what the fuck you're saying, before telling you you're going to be late for the first manned landing on Mars.

Guess I'll spend the rest of the night listening to some sovietwave, while browsing r/collapse or something.