I study computer science and any time I sit down to code, I just browse or watch Youtube. Anything but do the work. Days and even months have gone by like this where I haven't done even an hour of learning. Its tough because in order to code I need to be in front of a screen but my brain refuses to study and just looks for that dopamine hit. My grades have suffered and I feel like a constant failure.
To clarify this is not an effect of the pandemic but has been happening for the past few years.
vyvanse/XR would turn me into a normal human bean for maybe hours 2-6 after taking it but then i'd come off the high and become nauseated, lose appetite, irritable, and have insomnia
had to do a 1 day on 2 day off sort of thing
medication fucking sucks fuck medication, why the fuck do i need to fuck myself up this bad to make a living