ahem Hello lovely lady. My pronouns are he/him/his. Don’t worry, I’m not like those other cis white men haha. Cis get the bullet! Mayocide! Hehe. You should check out my reddit account. I’ve gotten a lot of karma from owning tankies and doing funny bits. But sometimes I can be a bit of a goofball troll too. Yesterday, I went on the_donald and told those chuds to post hog and they banned me haha! A subreddit enforcing its rules, priceless! Sounds like they need a safe space. Not that there is anything wrong with safe spaces though! I think I’m a lot like the twitter account dril when I troll the chuds. Have you heard of dril? That’s D-R-I-L. It’s a pretty crazy twitter account that says silly stuff that you can repeat verbatim to own people. Corncob haha! You should look it up. It’s dumb but hilarious. Whoops sorry, I shouldn’t be using ableist words like dumb. How careless of me. Anywho, have you ever heard of a band called death grips? PRETTY PRETTY NINE MOTHERFUCKER! Haha that’s a death grip lyric reference. Whoops, now everyone is staring at me because I used my outside voice hehe. What’s that? You need to go to the bathroom? If you’d like, I could follow you to make sure no chuds give you any trouble for going in your preferred bathroom because that is my chivalrous duty. Wait, where are you going?! Just a pint of mouthfeel before you go? Please ma’am, might I just have a microwatt of girldick?
Good copypasta, but where'd you find this shit?
When people told me they hated Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (or far worse) that they were "not fans," I wish I had said in no uncertain terms: "I love Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. I am in awe of her. I am set free by her. She will be the finest world leader our galaxy has ever seen." I wish, in those exchanges, I had not asked gentle, tolerant questions about a hater's ridiculous allergy to her, or Ocasio-Cortez 's fictional misdeeds and imagined character flaws. More deeply still, I wish I had not reasoned with anyone, patiently countered their ludicrous emotionalism and psychologically disturbed theories. I wish I had said, flatly, "I love her." As if I had been asked about my mother or daughter. No defensiveness or polemics; not dignifying the crazy allegations with so much as a Snopes link. Maybe "I love her" seemed too womany, too sentimental, too un-pragmatic. Not coalition-building, kind of culty. But people say with impunity they love Obama, the state of Israel, their churches, Kurt Cobain. In the end, I wish I'd said it because it's true. And I'm not alone in my commitment. Millions of Ocasio-Cortez's supporters — we were thanked by Ocasio-Cortez as the "secret, private Facebook sites" — expressed it among themselves, all the time, in raptures or happy tears with each new display of our heroine's ferocious intelligence, depth, and courage. We were frankly bewildered by the idea that anyone would hedge their commitment to her ("You don't have to be her friend"; "Yes, she's made mistakes"; "no shit, dipshit"). We didn't remember anyone turning to this stock ambivalence when discussing Obama, Babe Ruth, FDR. If only one reporter — they knew about us — could have published a headline like " Ocasio-Cortez Inspires Historic Levels of Adoration from Her Supporters" about the people who have had their lives transformed by the power of her brilliant campaign, unrivaled effectiveness, and extraordinary career. Just one headline like that, like the ones Bernie Sanders got. Usually a legend is made by men and media — the legend of Kennedy, say, or Jim Morrison — and then, much later, a biopic, pretending to evenhandedness, reveals the legend's shortcomings, his "human" side. The shortcomings are almost always something exactly no one actually believes compromises his heroism. His problem drinking. His mistreatment of women. Well, takedowns of Alexandria were always already written. She has somehow made the time to hear out each dead-end line of reasoning about her fake mortal sins, and often she has also thanked everyone for sparing her further moral lashings, as if that were a kindness. Under cover of "humanizing" the intimidating valedictorian, reports and investigations and media clichés vilified her. But the feminist hero never got to be a legend first. And yet she is one, easily surpassing Ben Franklin, Henry Ford, Steve Jobs. I want to reverse the usual schedule of things, then. We don't have to wait until she dies to act. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez 's name belongs on ships, and airports, and tattoos. She deserves straight-up hagiographies and a sold-out Broadway show called OCASIO-CORTEZ. Yes, this cultural canonization is going to come after the chronic, constant, nonstop "On the other hand" sexist hedging around her legacy. But such is the courage of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and her supporters; we reverse patriarchal orders. Maybe she is more than a congressperson. Maybe she is an idea, a world-historical heroine, light itself. The congress is too small for her. She belongs to a much more elite class of Americans, the more-than-congresspersons. Neil Armstrong, Martin Luther King Jr., Alexander Fucking Hamilton. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez did everything right in this campaign, and she won more votes than her opponent did. She won. She cannot be faulted, criticized, or analyzed for even one more second. Instead, she will be decorated as an epochal heroine far too extraordinary to be contained by the mere White House. Let that revolting president-elect be Millard Fillmore or Herbert Hoover or whatever. Alexandria is Athena.
I saw Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez at a grocery store in Brooklyn yesterday. I told her how cool it was to meet her in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother her and ask her for photos of feet or anything.
She said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but she kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing her hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard her chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw her trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in her hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Congresswoman, you need to pay for those first.” At first she kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, she stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, she kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
:che-smile:
Pretty sure it's an original spin of this neckbeard copypasta:
Gasps astonishingly, breaks out in cold sweat, adjusts coat H-H-Hello m'lady, what could a fair maiden as beautiful as you be doing on this fine day? I hope the damning heat isn't too harsh on your lovely skin! Tips fedora
If i may so suggest, would you care to join me for a sumptous repast, at my home? Smiles charmingly My personal chef has prepared a lovely meal for two, and i'd rather not let it get to waste now, would we? Winks at the lovely m'lady
I must insist on your attendance, i can't let a day like this go by without knowing the joys of having a dining companion with me, especially when its one as beautiful as you ;). Répondez s'il vous plaît, i shall await for you, m'lady, basked in candlelight and infront of a wonderful dinner. tips fedora again, then skates away on limited edition heelys.
It's not original. I saw this on the CTH subreddit like, a year ago.