ahem Hello lovely lady. My pronouns are he/him/his. Don’t worry, I’m not like those other cis white men haha. Cis get the bullet! Mayocide! Hehe. You should check out my reddit account. I’ve gotten a lot of karma from owning tankies and doing funny bits. But sometimes I can be a bit of a goofball troll too. Yesterday, I went on the_donald and told those chuds to post hog and they banned me haha! A subreddit enforcing its rules, priceless! Sounds like they need a safe space. Not that there is anything wrong with safe spaces though! I think I’m a lot like the twitter account dril when I troll the chuds. Have you heard of dril? That’s D-R-I-L. It’s a pretty crazy twitter account that says silly stuff that you can repeat verbatim to own people. Corncob haha! You should look it up. It’s dumb but hilarious. Whoops sorry, I shouldn’t be using ableist words like dumb. How careless of me. Anywho, have you ever heard of a band called death grips? PRETTY PRETTY NINE MOTHERFUCKER! Haha that’s a death grip lyric reference. Whoops, now everyone is staring at me because I used my outside voice hehe. What’s that? You need to go to the bathroom? If you’d like, I could follow you to make sure no chuds give you any trouble for going in your preferred bathroom because that is my chivalrous duty. Wait, where are you going?! Just a pint of mouthfeel before you go? Please ma’am, might I just have a microwatt of girldick?
When people told me they hated Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (or far worse) that they were "not fans," I wish I had said in no uncertain terms: "I love Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. I am in awe of her. I am set free by her. She will be the finest world leader our galaxy has ever seen." I wish, in those exchanges, I had not asked gentle, tolerant questions about a hater's ridiculous allergy to her, or Ocasio-Cortez 's fictional misdeeds and imagined character flaws. More deeply still, I wish I had not reasoned with anyone, patiently countered their ludicrous emotionalism and psychologically disturbed theories. I wish I had said, flatly, "I love her." As if I had been asked about my mother or daughter. No defensiveness or polemics; not dignifying the crazy allegations with so much as a Snopes link. Maybe "I love her" seemed too womany, too sentimental, too un-pragmatic. Not coalition-building, kind of culty. But people say with impunity they love Obama, the state of Israel, their churches, Kurt Cobain. In the end, I wish I'd said it because it's true. And I'm not alone in my commitment. Millions of Ocasio-Cortez's supporters — we were thanked by Ocasio-Cortez as the "secret, private Facebook sites" — expressed it among themselves, all the time, in raptures or happy tears with each new display of our heroine's ferocious intelligence, depth, and courage. We were frankly bewildered by the idea that anyone would hedge their commitment to her ("You don't have to be her friend"; "Yes, she's made mistakes"; "no shit, dipshit"). We didn't remember anyone turning to this stock ambivalence when discussing Obama, Babe Ruth, FDR. If only one reporter — they knew about us — could have published a headline like " Ocasio-Cortez Inspires Historic Levels of Adoration from Her Supporters" about the people who have had their lives transformed by the power of her brilliant campaign, unrivaled effectiveness, and extraordinary career. Just one headline like that, like the ones Bernie Sanders got. Usually a legend is made by men and media — the legend of Kennedy, say, or Jim Morrison — and then, much later, a biopic, pretending to evenhandedness, reveals the legend's shortcomings, his "human" side. The shortcomings are almost always something exactly no one actually believes compromises his heroism. His problem drinking. His mistreatment of women. Well, takedowns of Alexandria were always already written. She has somehow made the time to hear out each dead-end line of reasoning about her fake mortal sins, and often she has also thanked everyone for sparing her further moral lashings, as if that were a kindness. Under cover of "humanizing" the intimidating valedictorian, reports and investigations and media clichés vilified her. But the feminist hero never got to be a legend first. And yet she is one, easily surpassing Ben Franklin, Henry Ford, Steve Jobs. I want to reverse the usual schedule of things, then. We don't have to wait until she dies to act. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez 's name belongs on ships, and airports, and tattoos. She deserves straight-up hagiographies and a sold-out Broadway show called OCASIO-CORTEZ. Yes, this cultural canonization is going to come after the chronic, constant, nonstop "On the other hand" sexist hedging around her legacy. But such is the courage of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and her supporters; we reverse patriarchal orders. Maybe she is more than a congressperson. Maybe she is an idea, a world-historical heroine, light itself. The congress is too small for her. She belongs to a much more elite class of Americans, the more-than-congresspersons. Neil Armstrong, Martin Luther King Jr., Alexander Fucking Hamilton. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez did everything right in this campaign, and she won more votes than her opponent did. She won. She cannot be faulted, criticized, or analyzed for even one more second. Instead, she will be decorated as an epochal heroine far too extraordinary to be contained by the mere White House. Let that revolting president-elect be Millard Fillmore or Herbert Hoover or whatever. Alexandria is Athena.
I saw Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez at a grocery store in Brooklyn yesterday. I told her how cool it was to meet her in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother her and ask her for photos of feet or anything.
She said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but she kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing her hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard her chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw her trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in her hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Congresswoman, you need to pay for those first.” At first she kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, she stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, she kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
Pretty sure it's an original spin of this neckbeard copypasta:
Gasps astonishingly, breaks out in cold sweat, adjusts coat H-H-Hello m'lady, what could a fair maiden as beautiful as you be doing on this fine day? I hope the damning heat isn't too harsh on your lovely skin! Tips fedora
If i may so suggest, would you care to join me for a sumptous repast, at my home? Smiles charmingly My personal chef has prepared a lovely meal for two, and i'd rather not let it get to waste now, would we? Winks at the lovely m'lady
I must insist on your attendance, i can't let a day like this go by without knowing the joys of having a dining companion with me, especially when its one as beautiful as you ;). Répondez s'il vous plaît, i shall await for you, m'lady, basked in candlelight and infront of a wonderful dinner. tips fedora again, then skates away on limited edition heelys.
God this is so me
EDIT: y'all dumbasses think I'm really like this? How could I be horny at a DSA meeting if I never leave my house rofl
If this is actually you, it might be a good idea to reevaluate your life choices as well as how you carry yourself in public. As a leftist, you're inherently representative of how your peers perceive left-wingers. Now there's nothing wrong with being a comrade to trans allies, but this sort of pasta was posted to directly parody the chaser "allies" culture that ends up making comrades uncomfortable. I don't know you, nor do I know how you act irl, but if this is representative of you, there's a lot of internalized transmisogyny you need to work through. This sort of objectification ultimately works to dehumanize the people who need our support the most, and the fact that you can't see them beyond that is incredibly sad.
No one cares, so is everyone else in quarantine. Jerk off and stop being a creep. It's making the comrades uncomfortable
No, please just keep your fucking dick in your pants for five goddamn minutes. I'm not even doing the volcel bit, you're give yourself roadrash
Something tells me your dry spell is going to continue way after quarantine ends....
OP's comment is seriously some incel shit, and although I love most of the memes and posts on this community, I feel like for some reason it distilled a lot of the reactionary/chaser culture present in the sub and these horny posts are wayyyy much more prevalent than I remember in the sub. At least they'd almost always get downvoted, but here it seems like there's an embrace of this brocialist online incel culture here
jesus christ you post a bit and then get all up your own ass when someone else does the same bit lmao
If it's not landing, like it blatantly isn't here, perhaps it's time to stop.
lmao please nobody would have had a problem with it if the OP didn't immediately flip a shit
counter-point - the bit in the OP sucks too because it's barely parody. it's so close to actual people that it's uncomfortable, not funny.
There's a difference between "this is a bad bit" and "you're an incel lol"
it's a bad bit because there's a whole "middle ground" of people like you that are "totally ironic" but actually just playing it straight.
Check out the chud who has never witnessed the volcel vanguard firsthand. Flee before you get chastised or worse.
I know it's a bit, but I would honestly prefer if the volcel thingy was replaced with AntiIncelAktion. Celibacy is a social construct, that like marriage, has no place in revolutionary politics. Incels must be stamped out, not validated with a bit that parodies its logical antithesis
You can't do the horny bit and then call for horny bits to be stamped out, that's liberalism
and you can't keep your dick in your pants, I wonder which one is worse here
look it's not my fault your post was hashtag relatable
Are we still doing the bit or
I mean to be honest I just wanted to bully the incels. Shit's funny
We're all horny on this fucking planet, the problem here is consent. Unless they make the first step and are interested in that kind of stuff with you, acting like you do is horrible for optics, yourself and your image, and trans women.
Re-think your life and priorities.
ngl reading gross shit like this makes me feel worse than reading transphobic shit, im not a fucking kink
the 10 upvotes this comment got isnt making me feel any better :/
