I mean, I think that's exactly what you say. "I'm honored you would pick me for the wedding party, but I can't do a big event with my health as it is." Then send a nice gift on the registry, ask to look at all the pictures, and find a chance to hang out with the newly weds at a later date because they're cool and you want to be close to them.

Be polite, yet firm in saying "I'm really touched, but I can't risk my health for this"

Hopefully they take it well, but if not you can always fall back on...

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Sorry your family is inconsiderate like that. Also sorry the entirety of society is so easily normalized like this. A very sucky ongoing situation for you.

My partner and I went through this last year with a family members wedding. We were just honest/open about it, it caused some tension, more with my parents than than anyone else, but after a few months everything kinda calmed and was the same as before the wedding. I will say even though we knew deep down we weren't going to make it (the wedding was smack in the middle of where we got back-to-school surges previously and a new variant was spreading fast), we wanted to go so bad that we waited longer than we should have to let them know in hopes something would get better/change. Don't recommend, just getting it over with ASAP if this is already how you're feeling.

Also, , this shit sucks.

Perhaps there is some way that you can contribute to the wedding that doesn't involve exposing yourself to the risk. You could make a list of the things that you can do, whether it's helping with some aspect of the planning, being available for emotional support by phone call throughout the process, or something else. Then, when you break the news that you won't be able to serve as best man, let them know that you love (if you love them, I realize not everyone experiences love the same way, not trying to make assumptions)and support them and want them to be happy, and are willing to help in the ways that you can. Make sure you only offer things you are truly comfortable with doing- don't commit to anything that would be risky for your health. Then, stick to your boundaries. If anyone is upset, let them know that you care about the people getting married. Be supportive in whatever ways are culturally traditional in the social context that you can do, and that you can do without risking your health. Best of luck comrade.

I think the bigger thing is: are you planning to go to the wedding at all? If not, you should prep an excuse for why you can’t or be ready to be transparent and say that your health is preventing you.

If you are still planning to go, your justification for not being in the wedding is a bit harder.

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Tell them the honest reason, and be blunt

One way masking with N95 + vax not enough?

The reception is not the wedding

Anytime someone invites me to a wedding I just look confused and say, "You're getting married? Do straight people still do that? I thought it was more of a gay thing." Then they get mad or laugh awkwardly, either way they generally leave me alone