To kind of piggy back off of this, I've had to deal with my own internal CIS male biases and I have found a secret over the last half decade or so: it's ok to not engage. Read what other people are saying, try to understand, and just sit on it and relax. Process at your own pace.
My parents or lack thereof did a number on me, as did my history of being sexually abused at a very young age. I built lots of walls. I knew logically I was wrong as I aged but feelings and thoughts don't always line up. When I was younger I thought I had to comment on everything and naturally be right about everything. Then as I got older I became annoyingly inquisitive because I wanted to right my personal wrongs and have all the right hottakes. The result is I was a bad intentioned asshole who turned into a good intentioned asshole.
Still an asshole.
For me the truth is, I don't have to engage. I don't have to understand everything. I try to internalize my empathy and focus on why things are feeling uncomfortable. Ask questions when and where necessary, I suppose. But shit - even just reading the threads on the non-binary topics here, all passively - never reacting or posting, has taught me a ton.
I don't expect the train to stop because I need training wheels. I don't have to know everything right then and there.
if you ask questions, please try to direct your questions to cis allies. it's exhausting to the trans people who have to deal with this regularly.
To kind of piggy back off of this, I've had to deal with my own internal CIS male biases and I have found a secret over the last half decade or so: it's ok to not engage. Read what other people are saying, try to understand, and just sit on it and relax. Process at your own pace.
My parents or lack thereof did a number on me, as did my history of being sexually abused at a very young age. I built lots of walls. I knew logically I was wrong as I aged but feelings and thoughts don't always line up. When I was younger I thought I had to comment on everything and naturally be right about everything. Then as I got older I became annoyingly inquisitive because I wanted to right my personal wrongs and have all the right hottakes. The result is I was a bad intentioned asshole who turned into a good intentioned asshole.
Still an asshole.
For me the truth is, I don't have to engage. I don't have to understand everything. I try to internalize my empathy and focus on why things are feeling uncomfortable. Ask questions when and where necessary, I suppose. But shit - even just reading the threads on the non-binary topics here, all passively - never reacting or posting, has taught me a ton.
I don't expect the train to stop because I need training wheels. I don't have to know everything right then and there.
this is extremely true and a very good take. thank you for saying this.
No problem. Once in a great while I have some decent insight. It's part of the joys of getting older.
amen
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