not wanting to date trans women stems from y’all not viewing them as “real” women... so yes your “preference” is transphobic.— destiny (@MAM1SHAMPOO) July 1, 2020
If you thought you were a true ally, maybe it's time for some introspection.
I think if more cis het dudes took the time to actually interrogate their own desires I think more of us would come around to an opinion like this
I agree with you. I have an extra weird and personal lens on this topic because I went from dating women to dating men through transition and so I have a million different repressed needs and desires I'm still working through and some of them need a willing partner in order for me to explore. the only way I can approach that is through very open and honest communication about my needs, what might go wrong, etc..
I’m hyper aware of not instrumentalizing those friendships as some form of “growth” for myself
oof, ouch, ow. I've had a male friend literally use that line on me earlier this year and I had to chew him the fuck out for being an objectifying piece of shit. good on you for being self-aware enough to not do this.
What’s your experience been like trying to cultivate or keep male friends as a trans person?
pretty shit, honestly. overall, I kept my female friendships, but lost virtually all of my male ones for a variety of reasons. part of that is my fault - I wasn't super picky about my friendships before transition. my friends were the people who wanted to be friends with me. what I wanted didn't really enter into it. so as soon as I started coming out and enforcing boundaries, I had to clean house and push a lot of people out of my life. but I'm glad I did and I'm much happier for it. like I had several get creepy/abusive with me, several get super uncomfortable with my transition, etc..
now... it's still weird... I'm not used to thinking about how close I am with men and managing that to avoid like accidentally falling for people or encouraging them to fall for me. I'm used to having easy friendships with men that I don't have to think about very much but, oops, suddenly I do (I always did but I was too repressed to realize the kind of trouble I was getting myself into). like, I started spending more time with someone because they were necessarily in my covid bubble, and we both needed the company, and suddenly, inside of two months, it became messy af. so I've needed to shift all my boundaries and it's been a huge learning experience.
so that's probably not the most helpful answer but ask me again in like a year after I've sorted out all the problems caused by getting my sexuality so wrong for my entire life.
so that’s probably not the most helpful answer but ask me again in like a year after I’ve sorted out all the problems caused by getting my sexuality so wrong for my entire life.
Lol you're fine. Thank you for your perspective. Im sorry to hear you lost friends, but it seems like some house cleaning was in order to get you to where you needed to be.
I agree with you. I have an extra weird and personal lens on this topic because I went from dating women to dating men through transition and so I have a million different repressed needs and desires I'm still working through and some of them need a willing partner in order for me to explore. the only way I can approach that is through very open and honest communication about my needs, what might go wrong, etc..
oof, ouch, ow. I've had a male friend literally use that line on me earlier this year and I had to chew him the fuck out for being an objectifying piece of shit. good on you for being self-aware enough to not do this.
pretty shit, honestly. overall, I kept my female friendships, but lost virtually all of my male ones for a variety of reasons. part of that is my fault - I wasn't super picky about my friendships before transition. my friends were the people who wanted to be friends with me. what I wanted didn't really enter into it. so as soon as I started coming out and enforcing boundaries, I had to clean house and push a lot of people out of my life. but I'm glad I did and I'm much happier for it. like I had several get creepy/abusive with me, several get super uncomfortable with my transition, etc..
now... it's still weird... I'm not used to thinking about how close I am with men and managing that to avoid like accidentally falling for people or encouraging them to fall for me. I'm used to having easy friendships with men that I don't have to think about very much but, oops, suddenly I do (I always did but I was too repressed to realize the kind of trouble I was getting myself into). like, I started spending more time with someone because they were necessarily in my covid bubble, and we both needed the company, and suddenly, inside of two months, it became messy af. so I've needed to shift all my boundaries and it's been a huge learning experience.
so that's probably not the most helpful answer but ask me again in like a year after I've sorted out all the problems caused by getting my sexuality so wrong for my entire life.
Lol you're fine. Thank you for your perspective. Im sorry to hear you lost friends, but it seems like some house cleaning was in order to get you to where you needed to be.