CW: transphobia

Are any of you dating/partners with a lib? how do you handle it? the woman I've been seeing is a lib. The worst of it is that she doesn't accept that personal pronouns are a thing, so definitely a bit of a transphob. I hope its just because she is just ignorant of the issues, but in other conservations we have she does some impressive level centrism and both-siding so I don't know. "Slavery wasn't bad because it was legal, everyone did it, nobody was saying it was bad at the time" etc.

We basically broke up last night, not directly because of these issues, but they are definitely a part of it. I want to be able to be completely mask off with my partner, but I also don't want to have to get into an argument every time I use "they" in the singular. I have moments of doubt where I worry I've fallen into a weird online cult and am now do the "oh, you like (BLANK)? name their last 3 albums," but with online leftist culture.

Since I do limited praxis, sometimes all of this feels theoretical. But when I open up /r/collapse or chapo.chat, I'd like to have a partner that would be able to see the world as I see it.

Otherwise we have a great time together and are able to have really good conversations. Even that we broke up last night was because she is great at communication and was able to draw this out of me. The conversation was something that I wanted to do, but I don't know when I would have gotten around to it on my own.

More broadly, how sure are you that you found the person that you want to be with? Did you feel that you compromised/settled? I don't really believe in romantic love, but maybe its just because I haven't found it yet.

should I put an ironic closing line, to act cool?

  • Comrade_Cummies [he/him]
    ·
    4 years ago

    I dated this white girl that said people back then didn't know any better, as if it's a perfectly good excuse as to why slavery was excusable. I'm black.

    This other lady I had a crush on is a Biden/Kamala stan. Even posted a pic (can't remember if Photoshopped or real) of her next to Biden, with hashtags like #ThatGirlWasMe . She thinks things are going to improve once Trump is gone.

    Honestly don't let this shit get to you, if it becomes unbearable and you have to break up, it is what it is. Best you can do is try to educate them or get them to think from a different perspective. My ideal future wife is actually someone that's not aware of all this, but we can get high together and I can try to help her see and read/listen to theory. Just someone who's genuinely a good, kind-hearted person that's open to learning and growing together.

    • purr [undecided]
      ·
      4 years ago

      dont you want someone whose down from the jump though? someone who you can talk to about theory/teach/be kind but knows basic things like slavery was not excusable? (im just asking as a black person out of curiousity, not to incite, im just wondering)

      this is also assuming youre still entertaining (or ever really did) the slavery excusable type. (Not directed at the kamala thing because that's IMO a more general normie stance that isnt so on the face)

      sorry if this is too invasive

      • Comrade_Cummies [he/him]
        ·
        4 years ago

        sorry if this is too invasive

        Oh not at all, I was actually gonna ask if you had some bad experiences finding people to date.

        The girl I had a discussion with about slavery really threw me off when she said that shit. If it was someone else I would've pressed them on the matter, but this girl had an unhealthy and verbally abusive relationship, so I thought maybe she's just naive and tries to see some good in people, even if they're really shitty. At no point in the relationship did it feel like I was a black bf experience. She's a decent person, just has some dumb views. I do wish I broke up with her sooner though.

        Tbh the ideal future wife part was me thinking about someone I've been really interested in. I'd be ok either way, but it just feels more rewarding to convert someone from being a lib. Also means there's potentially more we can talk about as I open her up to more leftist theory.

        • purr [undecided]
          ·
          4 years ago

          i havent had bad experiences trying to find people to date because, idk im lucky i guess, but i have dealt with people im dating being secretly racist, or sexist or horrible in a way that is shitty and seemed to show up suddenly so im very into spotting who might be a secret ahole. I am also a survivor of domestic violence so that definitely feeds into it.

          I have been able to find people though who are woke from the jump which is nice, im also in a very liberal place. Some of those people i have taught a little (because sharing perspectives and challenging each other is natural) but to be honest the idea of me, a black woman, having to really convert anyone on anything that has to do with my basic right to exist seems incredibly exhausting and very much touches on how black women are constantly made to be everyone's mammies and hold everyone's hand so its not my ideal way of being in a relationship. I also think im wrong a lot so i dont think im really one to convert people even if i had the energy

          • Comrade_Cummies [he/him]
            ·
            4 years ago

            I feel you, and I'm glad you survived and that you're here with us. I can definitely relate with the struggle of actually trying to convert ppl, it's hard enough online as it is. I just figured it would be more positive to gain another comrade than solely just sticking with someone that already knows. If they love you and see how passionate you are about it, I think they'd be more receptive to leftist theory. But I'd be happy either way tbh, if it's meant to be.

            I also think im wrong a lot so i dont think im really one to convert people even if i had the energy

            Yea, I'm still learning too. I haven't gotten someone to convert completely yet, but I've at least gotten others to see politics differently.