With how the site is, now's a good a time as ever, right?
Recently met up with and had a conversation with an old acquaintance (who I respect in some ways more than others), noticed a few things.
It is easy for a man to have contempt for what culture and society claims are the follies of women: they are emotional, they do not know what they want, they play mindgames, they are petty. A woman's anger is considered hysterical. A woman's interest in fashion is a mark of her vapidity. A woman without a father has "daddy issues." These are reinforced and internalized over and over again, from an essentialist view, as 'irrational' behavior.
But when a man does not know what he wants, it is "him finding himself." When a man plays mindgames, he is smart and devious and a "magnificent bastard." When a man is petty and one-ups someone, it is an "alpha move." A man's anger is considered to be just, righteous, and awe-inspiring. A man's interest in fashion is a mark of his class. A man without a father is a noble tragedy.
People hate in others what they hate in themselves, as they say.
When girls write love letters to murderers in prison, society gasps collectively. How dare they! But when boys commit murder, we shrug and say... why wouldn't they?
It's easy to say you're a feminist or ally or whatever you want. But remember the society you came from sank its hooks in deep, and its fallacious appeals to nature ("Women just want to be mothers, and this is clear by how we pressure them to be mothers!") are persistent. Remember a lot of psychological and sociological research was performed on specific populations that aren't universally representative. Remember that sexual dimorphism and differences in brain structure are not the end-all. Don't ever stop being self-critical.
One of the rightists' greatest weaknesses is their inability to see the potential in half of the world population. Women hold up half the sky, and you're doomed to failure if you entertain ideas to the contrary.
[CW for internalised misogyny and rape culture]
Honestly this is the shit that drives me mad the most. I've been one of those angry feminists since I was a teenager. And yet. One time as an undergrad I was walking through a nightclub hallway, and a guy grabbed my arm and started dragging me towards an elevator. I hadn't even made eye contact with him, he just grabbed me. I struggled, and I think his friend yelled at him to let go and then he did, the whole thing lasted like 30 seconds. Fine, whatever. What bothers me is that my first fucking thought was "Well what did I expect, I am wearing a short skirt and heels." (And then a while later I told a (male) counselor about the incident and how I wasn't into wearing high heels since then, and he was so disturbed about it that I ended up comforting him and telling him I'll work on being comfortable in high heels again lmao.)
The same week, one of my friends (also an angry feminist) went to a party, and two dudes complimented her on her appearance by telling her that they'd totally rape her if her bf wasn't there. Fucked up in and of itself, but her first thought was "Damn, I'm not drunk enough to find that funny/flattering, my mistake."
Like Jesus, what a waste of time arguing with friends and family that victim blaming is wrong, apparently when push comes to shove our automatic response is patriarchal sexist bullshit anyway. Get this shit out of me, please.