i keep playing games im really bad at, which i like watching from time to time but only make me feel like a dumbass cos i lose costantly (mainly chess).

after that, i tell myself im good for nothing, and i go back into a depressive/anxious spiral that can last half a day if i dont manage to calm myself down, but even after that i try to try again the day after, which one might think is the good and honest thing to do, right? like trying again to try to improve? but then i lose another couple of games/do badly at the videogamez and it restarts all over again and i cry on myself again. i know it might sound like im exaggerating but i think it's some sort of self harm.

and im starting to doubt if im good at anything, cos i really am not. like the only thing i've been more than ok at for the past two years or so is my high school math, which, tbh, is going great, im helping out basically all my friends pass, but even slightly outside of that i am complete trash at stuff, like not even worth trying.

  • HumanBehaviorByBjork [any, undecided]
    ·
    4 years ago

    i get what you mean. it feels pretty shitty to want to be smart and capable, but feel like you're not. i have a lot of trouble getting invested in things i'm not immediately good at. but your intelligence (and i suspect you are intelligent) can only take you so far. some skills only come with lots of practice, which means lots of failure, and learning to be okay with some amount of failure. go players, the weeb little cousins of chess players, have a saying for new players that goes like, "lose your first 100 games quickly." luckily with games, it doesn't matter that much if you lose, but you probably already know that.

    sorry i don't really have anything that can help you much. i think your friends are pretty fortunate to have someone like you. hope you feel better.