i keep playing games im really bad at, which i like watching from time to time but only make me feel like a dumbass cos i lose costantly (mainly chess).
after that, i tell myself im good for nothing, and i go back into a depressive/anxious spiral that can last half a day if i dont manage to calm myself down, but even after that i try to try again the day after, which one might think is the good and honest thing to do, right? like trying again to try to improve? but then i lose another couple of games/do badly at the videogamez and it restarts all over again and i cry on myself again. i know it might sound like im exaggerating but i think it's some sort of self harm.
and im starting to doubt if im good at anything, cos i really am not. like the only thing i've been more than ok at for the past two years or so is my high school math, which, tbh, is going great, im helping out basically all my friends pass, but even slightly outside of that i am complete trash at stuff, like not even worth trying.
You probably do have some natural ability with those topics (I think I do too). At least for me, it allowed me to understand those topics at a faster rate than a lot of people my age. And if you have a passion for those topics, that's great (unfortunately, I never did). Either way though, we both spent years at school learning/studying those topics, and probably even hours outside of school, and I don't think we should diminish the work we did on that front (even if it did not feel particularly difficult to get to that point). It's not an either/or situation.