I suffer from health anxiety and BPD, and had been experiencing severe migraines that unfortunately my brain convinced me were due to a brain tumor, even though i am actually diagnosed w chronic migraines and had had a clear brain scan a few months before.
I was in a lot of pain, as I cannot take migraines meds (triptans) bc they have a pharmacological interaction with my antidepressants, and kept obsessively making up scenarios where I had terminal cancer. As a result my anxiety-drained self guided by the impulsivity inherent to both BPD and physical pain decided to attempt suicide by taking 15 Wellbutrin pills. My rationale was the typical euthanasia due to terminal illness situation, I’d rather control and how and when I’ll die instead of having a disease do it for me, the only problem with this reasoning is that i dont actually have said disease.
A few hours in I started shaking a lot, my heart was racing, i could feel my blood flowing through my veins and started hallucinating sounds. I seriously thought I was gonna die. Upon finding me in this state my parents rushed to the hospital, but unfortunately it was too late to get ny stomach pumped so I just stayed inpatient for observation and they gave me a vicodin for the headache.
As of right now I’m still in the hospital, but now in the psychiatric ward for obvious reasons. I still feel shaky and a bit zonked from the vicodin, but the pain couldn’t resist the power of opioids so at least my headache is gone.
However I feel like I underwent some kind of cognitive damage. I can’t think straight and keep forgetting words, it does scare me that I’ll never recover to be honest. I had extreme tachicardia when i came in so they performed an ECG, naturally my heart is fucked up.
This is ridiculous, i almost died to escape from a terminal illness that i dont have. My parents are devastated, and so is my little sis. All because the fucking monster that is anxiety, it’s a terrible extremely debilitating illness and i hate how trivialized its become.
Sorry for the long post and sorry if im not making much sense. I’m very very intoxicated and couldn’r be bothered to write an articulate text.
I remember your post from a few days ago about your debilitating migraine, and I'm so sorry that it has brought you to ending up at the hospital. I have never been on anti-anxiety meds or migraine meds, so I have no useful advice to give, aside from noting that I've heard that sometimes doctors don't take pain seriously. I don't know if there are different options for you that might help manage your pain other than triptans, but push your doctor to look--there might be some option they haven't considered. On the other hand, I know in your other post you said you didn't want to go off the anti-anxiety meds because they were working, but maybe there's something similar you could take that wouldn't interfere with triptans? In other words, have a serious talk with your doctors and advocate for yourself so that you can hopefully find a solution that will take both your mental health and you pain seriously. Especially since your pain is having a real effect on your mental health, it's clear that you can't just let the migraines go.
Also, I'm so glad for you that you have parents and a sister that love you! That is wonderful. Be honest with them, don't try to "suck it up" or protect them from how you're feeling. It's worse to feel like there's something being hidden from you, I promise.
Again, I'm so glad you're still here with us, and hopeful that better health is in your future.