I suffer from health anxiety and BPD, and had been experiencing severe migraines that unfortunately my brain convinced me were due to a brain tumor, even though i am actually diagnosed w chronic migraines and had had a clear brain scan a few months before.

I was in a lot of pain, as I cannot take migraines meds (triptans) bc they have a pharmacological interaction with my antidepressants, and kept obsessively making up scenarios where I had terminal cancer. As a result my anxiety-drained self guided by the impulsivity inherent to both BPD and physical pain decided to attempt suicide by taking 15 Wellbutrin pills. My rationale was the typical euthanasia due to terminal illness situation, I’d rather control and how and when I’ll die instead of having a disease do it for me, the only problem with this reasoning is that i dont actually have said disease.

A few hours in I started shaking a lot, my heart was racing, i could feel my blood flowing through my veins and started hallucinating sounds. I seriously thought I was gonna die. Upon finding me in this state my parents rushed to the hospital, but unfortunately it was too late to get ny stomach pumped so I just stayed inpatient for observation and they gave me a vicodin for the headache.

As of right now I’m still in the hospital, but now in the psychiatric ward for obvious reasons. I still feel shaky and a bit zonked from the vicodin, but the pain couldn’t resist the power of opioids so at least my headache is gone.

However I feel like I underwent some kind of cognitive damage. I can’t think straight and keep forgetting words, it does scare me that I’ll never recover to be honest. I had extreme tachicardia when i came in so they performed an ECG, naturally my heart is fucked up.

This is ridiculous, i almost died to escape from a terminal illness that i dont have. My parents are devastated, and so is my little sis. All because the fucking monster that is anxiety, it’s a terrible extremely debilitating illness and i hate how trivialized its become.

Sorry for the long post and sorry if im not making much sense. I’m very very intoxicated and couldn’r be bothered to write an articulate text.