It really is tough to find these sorts of genuine connections and then even tougher to keep things going, especially at a time like now w./ Covid.
When things settle down, I have offers to travel and see a decadent sexy person I used to have a real good connection with (high school crushes, teehee) and is super subby and dtf, or the handholding person who I likely can't hook up with or date or anything other than just hang out and vibe... and I think if I can't do both, I will perhaps just go hang out with the hand-holder rather than go and try to force some super-sexual dynamic again, as even though we had a great connection in the past and it led to great hookups, I don't think I feel the same anymore.
And the only time I ever hooked up with someone I wasn't super into it was all rather negotiated and the lady knew it was just to pass the time and for fun. So it was cool to have uncommon kinks in common with each other and explore them and whatnot, but ultimately that kinda fell apart because romance was growing on one side and I didn't want to lead someone on unfairly like that. It'll suck to return home and not immediately on day one have someone ready to fuck around with but it would definitely suck much more to string someone along and be with them moreso for the abstract kink stuff than the actual person I'd be with.
I think ultimately you had a healthy and welcome realisation, and that is worth it. Sadly with the rona, there is a whole other can of worms in not seeing people you care about or finding new people to care about to a perhaps even greater degree so you get stuck in a vicious cycle of only thinking about one unattainable person...
Stay strong and though it won't be easy, I think you're on a good path for more healthy connections and realisations in the future.
It's pretty crazy how chatting with her on messenger was a lot more exciting and fulfilling even if I knew she wasn't available than making out with that person was a few days ago... I lied that I wanted to repeat it because I didn't want to make her feel bad and I didn't want it to seem fake but I don't really and if she texts me again I kinda don't want to go because I think I'll just be sad afterwards but I probably will anyways and find a way to kinda distance things in a way that is not too disappointing...
I lied that I wanted to repeat it because I didn’t want to make her feel bad and I didn’t want it to seem fake but I don’t really and if she texts me again I kinda don’t want to go because I think I’ll just be sad afterwards but I probably will anyways and find a way to kinda distance things in a way that is not too disappointing…
That's a super rough situation and exactly where I found myself with the other person.. Thankfully I kinda lucked out by covid developing and me moving in the interim so it just kinda drifted apart, but it is really tough to try and find a way that isn't hurtful yet effective. I find honesty is the core of such responses, so long as its not overly-brutal honesty. As in 'I really appreciate the interest and what we shared so far, but I feel like it would be hurtful if it went further as my head and heart isn't really into it to the point they should be to make this a good experience for everyone involved'.
It really is tough to find these sorts of genuine connections and then even tougher to keep things going, especially at a time like now w./ Covid.
When things settle down, I have offers to travel and see a decadent sexy person I used to have a real good connection with (high school crushes, teehee) and is super subby and dtf, or the handholding person who I likely can't hook up with or date or anything other than just hang out and vibe... and I think if I can't do both, I will perhaps just go hang out with the hand-holder rather than go and try to force some super-sexual dynamic again, as even though we had a great connection in the past and it led to great hookups, I don't think I feel the same anymore.
And the only time I ever hooked up with someone I wasn't super into it was all rather negotiated and the lady knew it was just to pass the time and for fun. So it was cool to have uncommon kinks in common with each other and explore them and whatnot, but ultimately that kinda fell apart because romance was growing on one side and I didn't want to lead someone on unfairly like that. It'll suck to return home and not immediately on day one have someone ready to fuck around with but it would definitely suck much more to string someone along and be with them moreso for the abstract kink stuff than the actual person I'd be with.
I think ultimately you had a healthy and welcome realisation, and that is worth it. Sadly with the rona, there is a whole other can of worms in not seeing people you care about or finding new people to care about to a perhaps even greater degree so you get stuck in a vicious cycle of only thinking about one unattainable person...
Stay strong and though it won't be easy, I think you're on a good path for more healthy connections and realisations in the future.
:Care-Comrade:
It's pretty crazy how chatting with her on messenger was a lot more exciting and fulfilling even if I knew she wasn't available than making out with that person was a few days ago... I lied that I wanted to repeat it because I didn't want to make her feel bad and I didn't want it to seem fake but I don't really and if she texts me again I kinda don't want to go because I think I'll just be sad afterwards but I probably will anyways and find a way to kinda distance things in a way that is not too disappointing...
That's a super rough situation and exactly where I found myself with the other person.. Thankfully I kinda lucked out by covid developing and me moving in the interim so it just kinda drifted apart, but it is really tough to try and find a way that isn't hurtful yet effective. I find honesty is the core of such responses, so long as its not overly-brutal honesty. As in 'I really appreciate the interest and what we shared so far, but I feel like it would be hurtful if it went further as my head and heart isn't really into it to the point they should be to make this a good experience for everyone involved'.