Arguing with some hogs about it and not sure where I stand. Feel like it's a noble goal that should happen some day, but personally, if I had a kid I wouldn't do it because I'd fear they'd get bullied for it. Thoughts?
Arguing with some hogs about it and not sure where I stand. Feel like it's a noble goal that should happen some day, but personally, if I had a kid I wouldn't do it because I'd fear they'd get bullied for it. Thoughts?
Weird seeing all this pushback. Just call them a them until (or if) they say otherwise. Seems like a no-brainer to me. It's not really even weird. Using they as a singular pronoun has been common practice in the English-speaking world for like 600 years or something. Nobody's going to bat an eye 99+% of the time if you call your kid "they".
I think what's happening is the majority of parents assume their kids are cis, and most of the time they're right. Your average Chapo is cisgender, raised cisgender, and is happy with how they were raised (in regards to gender at least). Based on their personal experience, this isn't something they'd want.
As a child, I wasn't cognizant of choosing a gender. I didn't know about trans or alternate genders. I was taught I was a boy, and accepted that, and it turned out to be right. What seems controversial is "would the child respond similarly to this identity?" Would they feel pressured into remaining gender neutral or would they understand they have a choice?
I think some insight from trans comrades would help in understanding how gender decisions work in children, but an ultimate answer to the question would need to come from children raised in this manner.
I only want to speak for myself here but I definitely think having social acceptance in the form of trans-positive media, culture, and knowledgeable parents would've helped me. It's literally what got me to come out so recently--even just seeing how femboys are basically a meme now made me feel more comfortable in expressing myself.
But as a parent just a nudge here and there like "which do you like more?" And "which toys do you like?". Like if I ever have kids I'm going to explicitly ask them whether they want to wear dresses, shorts, skirts, of literally any presentation and design. Asking them if they want to wear shorts isn't enough, I want to signal to them that all of their choices are valid ones. And besides directly emphasizing that it's okay to change their mind, I'll indirectly emphasize that by asking them those same questions at various intervals when they're growing up.
To put it in g*mer terms: I want my kid to know they're in a character creator basically up until puberty, and that they're the ones in control of the options. I might pick a few characteristics to start, but I'll get around that by making it clear they can change those traits too.
I think if this all goes well, my child won't feel traumatized if the default setting are cis, because they'll also see all the knobs and buttons in the UI, and examples from people around them showing what you can make of yourself.
Somewhere in the future, I think this might make the issue of gendered language and products moot. Because if my child with female genitals wants to be known as a boy or a person but still wear dresses or do whatever, then haven't we basically accomplished our goal?