My little piece of advice: you don’t have to think about the future, tomorrow, next week, they are all far off. Think about now, this hour, the next 5 minutes, or whatever stretch of time seems manageable. What do you do now? Cook dinner? Watch a show? Cry in the shower? The future might be scary and too much to manage now. You’ll handle it when you get to it. Now, you only have to think about right now.

Verbena tea is calming and soothing. Lavender is relaxing. Green tea for me is a calming ritual.

You got this. Maybe it doesn’t feel like it, but you only need to do one step, and you got that one step.

I don't think there's magic one size fits all answer to this, it really sucks you have to deal with it. Avoid destructive behaviours like drinking until you pass out etc, they won't help in the long term. Do you have any friends IRL you can call on?

Soulmate is a fabrication. You find someone you like that likes you. You can tolerate their downsides and they can tolerate yours. GGG in the sack. Willing to work things out. There is no such thing as the perfect match but there are lots of people out there that will sit pretty high on your list. When you find one of them give it a go, hope it will work out, but it won't always go the way you want. Eventually it will stick or it won't, either way you've had a good time of it and start the next part of your adventure.

I've tried many things in this situations (seeing other girls, distracting with alcohol/drugs, etc) but they all just seem to alleviate the pain when they just throw it under the rug for a while.

For me, the best way to handle this has been to face my pain altogether. This pain does not come from this event. It is my own ancient pain that has been triggered by my now ex. Staying with the pain, listening to it, feeling it in your body and letting it be there is a transformative act.

I recommend listening to Pema Chödron's videos or books. Maybe "When things fall apart". I personally have been helped a lot by doing the "tonglen" meditation.

Scientifically speaking, yes, it takes time for your body to rebalance your hormones that love inbalanced, and messed up. Good news, it won't take so long.

It's just time. Might suck for a little time or a long time though.

If you want to make it suck for as little as possible just go no contact and don't snoop. It really is as simple as that. Although I'm very aware it's a hard thing to do.

Sorry this happened to ya. Hang on.

You feel vulnerable and it's okay. Sounds like you need to realize you dodged a bullet.

About the question, remember that you are you and the only things that you need to keep going is to breath, to drink water, to eat and to keep yourself healthy. Everything else are probably ideas in your head that can change at any time. If you are struggling, remember to breath deeply. It will be okay.

The shock gave me a fever that stayed with me for two weeks and I felt really tired, so I went to bed at like 8pm on most nights. Saw a therapist (wasn't much help, but it was worth a shot). Told my boss about it who said I could take any time off that I needed. Told my coworkers so they'd know why I might not be working full time and would have trouble concentrating in the upcoming weeks. It was a relief that I didn't have to be at the top of my game at work and nobody would judge me.

It got better after about three months. She kept doing new things that hurt me though so the pain kept returning for a full year, until it finally sunk in that she can't be trusted and we'll never become friends again. At that point I just tried to let her know as little as possible about my life, to give her fewer ways to hurt me. We still have to talk because we have shared custody of two kids.

Several years later I started seeing a therapist again because I just couldn't stop feeling recurrent anger and anxiety related to her. After telling the therapist about everything that had happened they basically said I shouldn't see my ex at all. Not let her into my home, and when I leave the kids with her I can say goodbye to them at the parking lot. It took so much weight off my shoulders when I didn't have to force myself to act like we were close friends in front of the kids.

Moral of the story: Go no contact and fully accept right now that you're never going back. Begin anew. You have your whole life in front of you.

I turned on my computer and started to play mass effect 2... during 48h.
Slept a bit.
Call my family and friends to go out and not be alone.
Continue living.
Two years later I met my actual partner and we have a beautiful life with two incredible kids.
Just remember: losing someone hurts but is not the end, the heart heals.

The night of the breakup I went to my best bud's house and talked and smoked for hours. After that, I worked on myself, started reading again, going to the gym again and finally got myself checked out by a psychiatrist and a psychologist. I had been putting all of that off for a long time and if there was ever a more cliche time to start, it was then.

Been about 2 years, half of what I was with her, and I still sometimes wish I had someone like her. I miss the connection I had with her. We went through a lot and at the time I thought I'd marry the girl. Then covid happened, some family tragedies, and suddenly our vibe was off. Sucks, but it woulda sucked more if it happened years later in life.

It was easier for me than it was for her, though. I've got issues regarding failure (not sure how else to word it). Whenever something might go tits up, I emotionally distance immediately. Job opportunities, dying pets, relationships, same defensive mechanism. Causes more trouble than it avoids, honestly, because I never know when to trust a gut feeling, or to stop being like this.

I still don't feel 100%, but I wasn't 100% when we broke up. Not looking for anything new, or to start up anything old again either.

As I was told by someone, you are going through the grieving process. One moment, you'll be sad, then angry, then accepting, and then angry and sad at the same time. Your grieving process is unique. Time and distance does help.

When my ex-fiancé ended things almost out of the blue. I slept most of the time. When I was sleeping, I didn't have to think about being dumped. I reached out to people to get the support system going. I wrote a letter to them, a very angry and emotional letter. Then I re-wrote it. I read that letter to my ex-fiancé to try to get back together. I purged and clean my apartment, made plans to back to school and get a Bachelors of Law, and even started learning a new language so I could move to a new country. Having a plan for the future helped a lot even if it was slightly insane.

They wrote a response letter confirming their decision. I spent the next several months trying to get over the anger that was there. I went solo camping and did a hike. I ate a low dose of magic mushrooms and wrote my response out. I found that a lose dose of magic mushrooms was able to break down walls and allow me to think about everything in different manner. While that helped with the process, it didn't get rid of the anger. I did eventually send my last attempt letter/here are some things you can grow on too/thank you letter to my ex-fiancé.

I went on a lot of hikes and talked to people about the anger that would never go away. Eventually it was suggested that I write everything out and burn it.

I decided to go camping with someone to a place that was at least 3 hour drive away. Ate another low dose of magic mushrooms and sat in the middle of a water fall writing out the most angry letter ever. Then I burned the letter right there with the original draft of the last attempt letter/here are some things you can grow on too/thank you letter. As it was pointed out to me the symbolism of writing an angry letter right in the middle of water being turbulent was on point. It helped that the river before and after the falls was extremely calm, which represented the before and after the break up. I let all the negative energy be purified by the flame and water.

I went back to the campsite and wrote another letter, however this was all positive about my summer and what I achieved and looking forward too. I preceded to burn it in the fire to release all the positive energy back into the universe. As the magic mushrooms were telling me that needed to be done. The next day, I went on long and difficult hike to help cement the symbolism of moving onto a new adventure.

While the anger tries to flare up once and awhile, I tell myself that there is no need to be angry anymore. I got out of my system.

The final two pieces of advice; if you can, go no contact with them. Having them in your life is going to prevent the healing. I still love my ex-fiancé however having them in my life as a friend would only lead to major problems for both of us. The second piece, you're never going to truly going to get over it, it's like the death of a family member or the loss of a good friendship. It's part of your life now. You learn to live with it.

AT first: A lot of weed, music over headphones, difficult and fast video games that require all of your focus

After getting over the initial shock: Starting to puzzle my own life back together and finding myself again. Reading, cooking and eating healthy food, therapy, reconnecting with my true friends who I neglected during the relationship, going outside.

I used it as fuel to make positive changes in my life. Not just breakups, but any time life throws something really awful my way, I try to make an effort to use it as a force good. Breakups, deaths, job loss, etc. Be a better you, quit smoking, get fit, learn a new skill. Things I normally wouldn't be motivated to follow through, i do.

Sorry you're going through this. Try to remember that it will get easier in time. Accept it wasn't meant to be, and know there's a version of you in the future, looking back at this knowing it was all worth it to find the person right for you.

First night i was stunned by the breakup, thought it must be a nightmare or a joke or a prank or something, so i just sit there with my mind blank. Was 30 at that time and she's my first love.

Second day it finally hit me this is real, so i cried the whole day while still need to work, though the work help took my mind off from the shock. Driving back home is the hardest as i will break down crying at any moment given. I'm just a dead man walking around, completely empty from the inside. I cried the whole night.

Thoughout the whole months it basically the same thing repeated every day, i cried more in this few months than i did in my lifetime. The second month me is starting to get better, or so i thought. Occasionally i will break down crying, thinking what i done wrong because there's no closure from her.

The third month experience is basically month two but with less breakdown, but still occasionally thinking what could've gone wrong.

Then throughout the first year, the crying get less and less and i would miss her less and less, but the scar it inflict is just too painful for me to look for another love.

But yes, it's really just time. I tried to rush though it but end up getting worst instead. Having friends and families to reach out to would help a tons.

I’m 46. I had some really bad breakups in my life, was alone for a couple of years. Until I met my (now) wife just 4 years ago. This changed everything because it made me realize that what I thought to be love before was just a shadow of what love truly is.

Keep looking forward and do not torture yourself over what could have been or what went wrong. Nothing went wrong. It’s just life that happened. There will be some amazing person out there and you just haven’t stumbled upon this person yet.

It’s ok to grief a bit. That’s healthy. But look forward and do not hurt yourself in the process.