Just be nice to people, but stay savvy. Being cold and aloof is a good defense mechanism but it's not savvy. You have to get in the weeds if you want to find out what works or what doesn't, and it may take time and it will definitely take effort. The ones that try to take advantage of your kindness aren't ever going to be your friends. Friendship is about "give and take" but it's not actually transactional, if that makes sense. Sometimes you give more than you take, sometimes you take more than you give. Friendship bonds smooth over that incongruence. The ones that embrace your kindness, and respond with kindness, keep them close, and never let them take advantage of you. If they are friends they won't even try.
Friendship is not a pissing contest. If you find yourself trying to one-up the other person so you can seem cool enough, or you find them constantly one-upping you, I don't think its going to be a friendship or more no matter how hard you work at it. You shouldn't have to try to impress your friends, and they shouldn't be trying to impress you either.
Above all, be patient. Try to be patient in your communications. In a world of instant gratification being patient is a valuable asset. Don't overthink each minute interaction. Don't worry if your last message was "left on read." They might be dealing with other shit at the moment and they will value a person who isn't going to throw a giant fit because they didn't respond on your time. They are people that are as human and complicated as you are, and that's actually what you want, because what you want is a peer if what you want is friendship. You should be respecting them and they should be respecting you. Same goes for romance as well.
These are all very solid advice/insights. If someone is a real friend you should always root for them, sometimes they need to lift you up, sometimes you need to lift them up, sometimes things are going great for both of you, sometimes one of you is killing it but you’re just kind of stagnant, sometimes you won’t talk for many months or years at a time, sometimes you’ll find the spark again and tear it up like the good old days, but the most important trait for a friend to have is that you know they have your back for real and vice versa. I think “real” good friend like that I am lucky to have 3 of those. And I’m close with my brother and cousin so I’m blessed with a lot. Things aren’t always going great and I haven’t accomplished many of my goals but knowing I have a few ride or dies helps a lot. Everyone deserves that. Love
Agreed, totally agreed. That kind of friendship stands the test of time. The other thing I forgot to include is that a good friend also holds you back when you're about to say or do something stupid.
I've found that when trying to make friends there's a way of being that is simultaneously aloof and open while also maintaining a certain level of guard around yourself. Being open and selectively vulnerable is key to laying the groundwork for lasting friendships. As the friendships grow you can lower your guard and have real trust, but that takes time.
Just be nice to people, but stay savvy. Being cold and aloof is a good defense mechanism but it's not savvy. You have to get in the weeds if you want to find out what works or what doesn't, and it may take time and it will definitely take effort. The ones that try to take advantage of your kindness aren't ever going to be your friends. Friendship is about "give and take" but it's not actually transactional, if that makes sense. Sometimes you give more than you take, sometimes you take more than you give. Friendship bonds smooth over that incongruence. The ones that embrace your kindness, and respond with kindness, keep them close, and never let them take advantage of you. If they are friends they won't even try.
Friendship is not a pissing contest. If you find yourself trying to one-up the other person so you can seem cool enough, or you find them constantly one-upping you, I don't think its going to be a friendship or more no matter how hard you work at it. You shouldn't have to try to impress your friends, and they shouldn't be trying to impress you either.
Above all, be patient. Try to be patient in your communications. In a world of instant gratification being patient is a valuable asset. Don't overthink each minute interaction. Don't worry if your last message was "left on read." They might be dealing with other shit at the moment and they will value a person who isn't going to throw a giant fit because they didn't respond on your time. They are people that are as human and complicated as you are, and that's actually what you want, because what you want is a peer if what you want is friendship. You should be respecting them and they should be respecting you. Same goes for romance as well.
These are all very solid advice/insights. If someone is a real friend you should always root for them, sometimes they need to lift you up, sometimes you need to lift them up, sometimes things are going great for both of you, sometimes one of you is killing it but you’re just kind of stagnant, sometimes you won’t talk for many months or years at a time, sometimes you’ll find the spark again and tear it up like the good old days, but the most important trait for a friend to have is that you know they have your back for real and vice versa. I think “real” good friend like that I am lucky to have 3 of those. And I’m close with my brother and cousin so I’m blessed with a lot. Things aren’t always going great and I haven’t accomplished many of my goals but knowing I have a few ride or dies helps a lot. Everyone deserves that. Love
-Soulja
Agreed, totally agreed. That kind of friendship stands the test of time. The other thing I forgot to include is that a good friend also holds you back when you're about to say or do something stupid.
I've found that when trying to make friends there's a way of being that is simultaneously aloof and open while also maintaining a certain level of guard around yourself. Being open and selectively vulnerable is key to laying the groundwork for lasting friendships. As the friendships grow you can lower your guard and have real trust, but that takes time.