• Awoo [she/her]
    ·
    4 years ago

    This.

    Everything about it has been commodified to the point of it being an inaccessible luxury. Marketeers have built a social mythos of rules that must be followed regarding all of it, each conveniently tied to spending money.

    Not only that but dating itself? Completely sanitised down to viewing products in a list and swiping yes/no on them. This digitisation of dating instead of outside in the world is probably the most damaging part.

    I also think however that there have been considerable gains in education of women as to what to accept and what not to accept from men. There has been an absolutely massive abundance of material teaching women what red flags should just make men a complete immediate rejection. This in turn makes dating completely inaccessible to any men who do not put considerable effort into figuring out what patriarchal bullshit they're doing to get rejected repeatedly -- this is not helped by the fact that they are encouraged to do patriarchal bullshit by the entire male dating "guru" scene.

    Pickup itself has created counter-pickup and the result has been to make it much much easier for any men to be rejected.

    This list could go on and on. You could write an entire book on the topic, the movements that led to it, the different new social media phenomenons and their effects. Etc etc.

      • Abraxiel
        ·
        4 years ago

        Friends, friends of friends, hobbies, and jobs, mostly.

        • hexaflexagonbear [he/him]
          ·
          4 years ago

          Honestly think that people working more and being more stressed, causing other social relationships to collapse (fewer friendships, less time for hobbies and leisure) are more to blame than the rise tinder.

          • Dewot523 [he/him]
            ·
            4 years ago

            Don't forget about the collapse of religion, especially the "weekly church goer" type of congregant. It's a fuck but religion used to basically serve as a two hour weekly socially-mandatory social club.

            • LeninWalksTheWorld [any]
              ·
              4 years ago

              Well if the divorce rate of boomers is anything to go by, what they did to meet was not such a good idea either

          • Multihedra [he/him]
            ·
            4 years ago

            I don’t think it has to be causal for the tinder stuff to be relevant and insightful. The increased commodification and encroachment of markets into all aspects of life seems very related to both the modern (global north) working conditions and rise in app-mediated approaches to dating and relationship building.

            I would assume all of these things are paving the way for others to develop more fully

          • infuziSporg [e/em/eir]
            ·
            4 years ago

            I'm not sure if it's less time for leisure, or the way that leisure is increasingly something people do alone. (e.g. the dozens and dozens of TV shows that people somehow keep up with)

      • HogWild [none/use name]
        ·
        4 years ago

        On the street, in the supermarket, on the train...

        "Hey, sorry to bother you, but I saw you standing there, and I think you're really cute. Wanna tell me your name?"

        Most girls liked being approached if you were genuine. What most of them were looking for in a man, above all, was confidence, and maybe being easy to be around.

        • MeatfuckerDidNothing [they/them]
          ·
          4 years ago

          no offense but that has immediate "find the nearest exit" vibes

          If that works for you and doesn't make women uncomfortable you do you, but uh... I would be concerned if a man did that to me

          • LeninWalksTheWorld [any]
            ·
            4 years ago

            No with the apps you are expected to commodify yourself, make a profile a so on. I guess we do that to an extent in our daily lives through fashion or whatever but the app environment functions a lot more like a literal human marketplace. There's "chance"/fate in meeting that makes romance romantic

    • LeninWalksTheWorld [any]
      ·
      4 years ago

      you are exactly right. it all feels so alienating, which is not what love should feel like ideally.