CW: transphobia-lite(?)
She's so caught up in my "case" being such an outlier that there must be "something else" going on. She says she never noticed anything in me as a child that would point to gender dysphoria, and that since I was a fairly strong-willed child I would have let someone know. She's also linked to reputable-seeming studies about mean age of first experiencing gender dysphoria in trans youth, which peg it around 4-7 years old.
And she's right. I never had any gender dysphoria as a child, not really, and I still don't even see myself as a "girl stuck in a guy's body". I consider myself a guy who wants to become a girl, not because being a guy is so horrible, but because being a girl seems very nice.
My therapist tells me this is valid, that people have their different experiences of being trans, but my mom is so caught up in this data she's found.
Another thing—she's adamantly against me doing HRT due to the risks of estrogen and trauma from her breast cancer. I've since found data claiming that breast cancer risk in trans women on HRT is higher than for cis men, but lower than cis women, so unless she thinks my sister ought to take estrogen blockers there's no reasonable worry there.
All this culminates in her saying that she can't bear to live with me if I choose to go on HRT. She's not kicking me out, but she wants us to live separately. Problem is we're both jobless which makes getting approved for two new apartments difficult.
Needless to say this all sucks. Before I broached the topic last year I never would have expected this kind of reaction from her. I just don't see why it has to be such a scary thing for her. Every time I try to talk to her about it I'm filled with the doubt that radiates from her in waves. I do want to move out on my own but financially it's not the best move.
Idk what I'm asking for here. Data or anecdotes about realizing you're trans later in life would be nice? Warm fuzzy feelings from internet people? I dunno
My experience is exactly like yours
I only realized very recently in my early 20s And only began questioning also in my early 20s
Never felt like I had gender dysphoria my entire life even though there were obvious signs in my teens and I always felt gender euphoria around feminity though I never realized that's what it was
And that right there is the issue around trans people must feel dysphoria in their youth imo. We live in such a cis normative society and transgender education/exposure is non-existent that I believe it makes it difficult if not impossible for many trans people to realize what they're experiencing is gender dysphoria. We were literally never given the tools or knowledge to be able to understand what we were feeling
There's also the factor that being a feminine boy or masculine girl is looked down upon, so there's another issue around self defense mechanisms that arise from the shame and guilt you'd feel from your feelings about gender
I've still to this day can only count on one hand the amount of times I've experienced gender dysphoria while sober. The first time I experienced it was extremely intense and only during my first bad trip. All the other times were while I was high. I still mostly only feel feminine while high. My mental barriers are probably so thick they only start to let my feelings show through when I'm inebriated
The brain and how it works is such a complex and mysterious subject that anybody who makes absolute statements like "she says she never noticed anything in me as a child that would point to gender dysphoria, and that since I was a fairly strong-willed child I would have let someone know" have absolutely no idea what they're talking about
Whatever your feelings may be with regards to your gender identity, it's every bit as valid as somebody who has figured it out when they were a 5 year old pissing in their bed
sorry for replying so late
this is a very good point and one i needed to hear