Found out we're doing a mandatory active-shooter training at work. It'll be "non interactive" which I guess means no fake guns or practice takedowns or whatever they do to scare people. At least one of my coworkers has already expressed adamant opposition to this, so I have at least one ally. I'd be more opposed if I were going to have fake guns pointed at me, but if it's just sitting in a room listening to someone talk, I don't mind being paid to listen to their bullshit. Anyway, beyond what I've said, I don't know much about these trainings, so what are some funny ways I could derail it? Don't hold back
Start asking them for how to respond to increasingly bizarre situations:
Start with something plausible like a team of shooters then move on to like "What if they have access to a rooftop helicopter? What about an armed Humvee? How do we deal with tanks?"
What if they ask for a reversible leather Planet Hollywood jacket in their list of demands? They don't even make those anymore!
"If Hamas breaches the walls should i hide behind my desk? What if they come up through the sewer?
"Do we have paragliders on the roof? What if Hamas builds a wall around the building?
If it's Hamas and I am being held at gunpoint do the people with the vehicles with tvs on them still plan to put me on there if I don't say I condemn hamas at that moment?
Asking about how to respond to grenades would be a good intermediary step
what if they paraglide in like hamas?!??!
"What should we do in a John Equilibrium situation?"
What should we do if the shooters are wearing shirts marked 1, 2, and 4 and we get all of them but are not sure if there's a 3?
I'm hearing reports a potential shooter may have WMD but due to lies told about this from the media in previous situations I'm unsure what level of precaution I should take.
what if it's numbered hogs but they're armed?
Bring up that you're terrified of Hamas and make it seem like a good faith question.
"What if the shooter is armed with raspberries? What about a banana? What about a pointed stick?"
"Should I keep count of how many coworkers they kill so I know what killstreak to expect?"