if you call everyone dude and a transfem person gets mad about it, don't get defensive. just say like "sorry, i won't do it again" and don't argue "actually it's gender neutral" or "i call everyone dude". even if you do, i guarantee she's heard that argument from someone who very much does not call people they see as women dude. i certainly have
same goes double for the word guy.
For me, pronoun circles are fine. However, if someone invokes a pronoun circle mid-conversation, then it's clear I've been clocked and I become extremely uncomfortable. Dunno about selectively as that somehow has yet to happen to me and I'd prefer to not speculate. I just know I despise being noticeably clocked.
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