It also takes time to get in to see the Dr, assuming you're not planning to DIY it. And, they'll have to order tests to check your hormones and, depending on the clinic, may want you to see a mental health professional too.
transition stuff/mental health/worrying about haters
I made my appointment at the beginning of the month and honestly can't wait. I was really scared at first, but they'll help me with voice training, pelvic tilt (which has caused me about a decade of chronic pain trying not to look 'queer' and my insurance probably 100k in Drs visits that could have been resolved by someone asking, have you tried not worrying if you look queer?), HRT, and whatever else my insurance will cover.
My point is, it's all a process, and it all takes time. And, there's always going to be people we worry about making uncomfortable or who won't accept us. I take my gender euphoria from the people that affirm me as me (which includes me when I affirm it myself!). And try not to worry about those who have been force-fed so much propaganda and hate about us.
I saw your envy comment below as well. I've found following my bliss the best medicine. Following my doubt and worries only led to decades of misery.
And remember, gender-affirming care is healthcare. We all deserve joy and happiness in our lives. And putting off our health worrying about other people's opinions is a cycle, that in my experience, never ends. Because there's always going to be haters.
Much love comrade! I hope some of my lived experience is helpful.
Look, I'm going through a lot, and you're right, I have to stop... trusting my doubts. Start trusting my intuition. I'm tired of being a "man." 'Cause I'm not. Never was. I may not know what I am, but I'm not that. I'm queer. I'm weird. And I'm brown. I'm an "outcast" to a lot of people and I have to accept that.
It's just hard to do it without friends.
If you could point me to some groups in Virginia that deal with Latino/a people, trans folk, and Autistic folk and help for them, that would be much appreciated, though I'll search as well, of course; I don't want to have anyone do all the work.
I want help and friendship from my kind for a change.
I was betrayed by a white group of friends recently and I'm done. I want my people. I believe in racial equality, in equality between different neurotypes, and different genders. Not just equity (like that meme I've seen often goes), but equality.
That's it right there, learn to trust your intuition. Doubt kept us safe from bullies but hiding all the time is too stressful to maintain and that stress causes all sorts of health problems over the long run, physically and mentally.
I'll share some national groups that are helpful and inclusive that you can hopefully connect with. And give you some other general ideas on how to find safe spaces. It would be hard for me to find something specific without doxxing you, so lets not do that!
https://www.lgbtq.virginia.gov/resources/
If you scroll down, there's a ton of links to Virginia LTBTQ organizations that will hopefully be able to put you in contact with communities in your city.
My personal goto is NAMI (national alliance for mental illness), I go to these support groups and they're very inclusive even if not specifically LGBTQ, Burning Man people (https://regionals.burningman.org/regionals/north-america/virginia/ - if you connect with them both radical inclusion and radical self expression are big parts of being a burner and I've found so much love in these communities), and if there's an LGBTQ center in your city, they likely have support groups for trans people and other resources you can tap into.
Depending on how liberal your city is, coming out during pride month was a huge blessing for me. I got tons of support. That's a long ways off. But, if you don't feel safe in your general community, see if you can find queer safe spaces in the mean time. And who knows, you may come out and find a lot more support than you expect and much fewer micro aggressions (that's been my experience).
That said, I have self defense classes on my todo list. Macro aggressions are something I need to be aware of. And I now keep a pair of shorts in my car so if I need to swap out a skirt for boy mode in a less friendly city I can.
I hope this gives you some ideas on some next steps. If there's a gender inclusion clinic in your area, I'm sure they have tons of resources too!
Honestly, micro-aggressions are my main issue. Macro-aggressions? Certainly. But micro-aggressions accumulate. "Death by a thousand cuts" and all that. I've heard of NAMI. If they cater and affirm to Autistic as well as queer people, then I'll try them out.
Heard of Burning Man as well. I'll check 'em out too.
Thanks for the links, btw!
I will (edit: not "won't" but "will") do the heavy lifting of research, but if anyone has any pointers, that would be good to know.
Seriously, Google or Bing searches don't really cut it anymore; they barely show you the goddamn thing you need compared to previously where it was just kinda random.
searx given the instance can let you set what search engines you use.. it's also privacy focused
Yandex seems less manipulated than Google or Bing in my experience (but I'm also not in Russia) as in they don't hide links so much so you'll get a wider range of links but that goes for everything..
Yeah, the internet has gone to shit. The microaggressions from strangers don't bother me so much. People who said they love me that practically ignore me now that I'm out hurts :( But the ratio of support to hate has been way tilted towards support. Surrounding myself with queer joy and people who love seeing that joy has made it much easier.
And you're very welcome! I hope you find a space you can feel safe being you! And yes, NAMI is good with autism! Burners are good with all sorts of neurospiciness too! Though, the parties can be loud and it might not be your thing, (I skip a lot of the parties myself) the community still does a lot of fun stuff if you hook up with the local scene.
Frankly, when you get micro-aggressions daily, it accumulates, especially if you're going through a hard time.
And yeah, it feels like my biggest fear is that, when I'm out, even some trans folks won't love me. They'll always view me as what I am now, not what I could become, or not what I always was. You know how it is. Sometimes, I feel like I won't be accepted either way and then I despair, but lately, I've been meaning to at least push through, you know?
We've been gas lit by a lot of propaganda. Trans people have been incredibly inclusive. I've experienced no gatekeeping.
If your desire to transition is great enough that you're weighing it against microaggressions and all of that, you're trans. Cis people don't do that.
microaggression yesterday that hurt and how I cope
My favorite aunt vomited the family shame up on my facebook last night. It hurt. It still hurts. I made an initial defensive response, deleted it, and took the time to try to educate her (and anyone else reading). Pretending I don't prefer feminine things was literally killing me. I choose life, I told her. And I hope you prefer a joyful niece over a suicidal nephew.
But I wasn't alone in it. I messaged my baby brother who has been incredibly supportive, and vented to him as well as my girlfriend. And my sister-in-law posted supportive words on the same post. The post was me asking people to use my name rather than my dead name. Aunt's shame was triggered, unfortunately.
And I'm not trying to minimize your fears of microaggressions, they do hurt. And being a trans Latina, you will likely have a harder time than I am with this family stuff, being trans and white. But, to stay sane, I focus on the joyful parts. The people who do support me even when people are being hateful. And that brings me so much joy that I'm tearing up typing this.
I'm Latinx as well. Yeah, some Latinx families can be... quite conservative, especially when extended family or older members are concerned... I feel you, I do.
It also takes time to get in to see the Dr, assuming you're not planning to DIY it. And, they'll have to order tests to check your hormones and, depending on the clinic, may want you to see a mental health professional too.
transition stuff/mental health/worrying about haters
I made my appointment at the beginning of the month and honestly can't wait. I was really scared at first, but they'll help me with voice training, pelvic tilt (which has caused me about a decade of chronic pain trying not to look 'queer' and my insurance probably 100k in Drs visits that could have been resolved by someone asking, have you tried not worrying if you look queer?), HRT, and whatever else my insurance will cover.
My point is, it's all a process, and it all takes time. And, there's always going to be people we worry about making uncomfortable or who won't accept us. I take my gender euphoria from the people that affirm me as me (which includes me when I affirm it myself!). And try not to worry about those who have been force-fed so much propaganda and hate about us.
I saw your envy comment below as well. I've found following my bliss the best medicine. Following my doubt and worries only led to decades of misery.
And remember, gender-affirming care is healthcare. We all deserve joy and happiness in our lives. And putting off our health worrying about other people's opinions is a cycle, that in my experience, never ends. Because there's always going to be haters.
Much love comrade! I hope some of my lived experience is helpful.
Thank you! I'm starring this comment.
Look, I'm going through a lot, and you're right, I have to stop... trusting my doubts. Start trusting my intuition. I'm tired of being a "man." 'Cause I'm not. Never was. I may not know what I am, but I'm not that. I'm queer. I'm weird. And I'm brown. I'm an "outcast" to a lot of people and I have to accept that.
It's just hard to do it without friends.
If you could point me to some groups in Virginia that deal with Latino/a people, trans folk, and Autistic folk and help for them, that would be much appreciated, though I'll search as well, of course; I don't want to have anyone do all the work.
I want help and friendship from my kind for a change.
I was betrayed by a white group of friends recently and I'm done. I want my people. I believe in racial equality, in equality between different neurotypes, and different genders. Not just equity (like that meme I've seen often goes), but equality.
But this can't go on. Not for much longer.
That's it right there, learn to trust your intuition. Doubt kept us safe from bullies but hiding all the time is too stressful to maintain and that stress causes all sorts of health problems over the long run, physically and mentally.
I'll share some national groups that are helpful and inclusive that you can hopefully connect with. And give you some other general ideas on how to find safe spaces. It would be hard for me to find something specific without doxxing you, so lets not do that!
https://www.lgbtq.virginia.gov/resources/
If you scroll down, there's a ton of links to Virginia LTBTQ organizations that will hopefully be able to put you in contact with communities in your city.
My personal goto is NAMI (national alliance for mental illness), I go to these support groups and they're very inclusive even if not specifically LGBTQ, Burning Man people (https://regionals.burningman.org/regionals/north-america/virginia/ - if you connect with them both radical inclusion and radical self expression are big parts of being a burner and I've found so much love in these communities), and if there's an LGBTQ center in your city, they likely have support groups for trans people and other resources you can tap into.
Depending on how liberal your city is, coming out during pride month was a huge blessing for me. I got tons of support. That's a long ways off. But, if you don't feel safe in your general community, see if you can find queer safe spaces in the mean time. And who knows, you may come out and find a lot more support than you expect and much fewer micro aggressions (that's been my experience).
That said, I have self defense classes on my todo list. Macro aggressions are something I need to be aware of. And I now keep a pair of shorts in my car so if I need to swap out a skirt for boy mode in a less friendly city I can.
I hope this gives you some ideas on some next steps. If there's a gender inclusion clinic in your area, I'm sure they have tons of resources too!
Honestly, micro-aggressions are my main issue. Macro-aggressions? Certainly. But micro-aggressions accumulate. "Death by a thousand cuts" and all that. I've heard of NAMI. If they cater and affirm to Autistic as well as queer people, then I'll try them out.
Heard of Burning Man as well. I'll check 'em out too.
Thanks for the links, btw!
I will (edit: not "won't" but "will") do the heavy lifting of research, but if anyone has any pointers, that would be good to know.
Seriously, Google or Bing searches don't really cut it anymore; they barely show you the goddamn thing you need compared to previously where it was just kinda random.
I've tried switching to alternative search engines like Searx unless I'm looking for something hyper specific
Is it... any good? I sometimes use Yandex, but it clearly has a right-wing bent, at least afaik.
searx given the instance can let you set what search engines you use.. it's also privacy focused
Yandex seems less manipulated than Google or Bing in my experience (but I'm also not in Russia) as in they don't hide links so much so you'll get a wider range of links but that goes for everything..
Yeah, with Google at least, you have to go to the back of the final page to click the button to stop it from omitting links.
Magi's comment covered how I would have responded honestly.
The only problem with using public Searx instances instead of hosting your own is the downtime
Downtime isn't the worst thing. Honestly, when it comes to browsers, I prefer what it can do than whether it's "fast."
Yeah, the internet has gone to shit. The microaggressions from strangers don't bother me so much. People who said they love me that practically ignore me now that I'm out hurts :( But the ratio of support to hate has been way tilted towards support. Surrounding myself with queer joy and people who love seeing that joy has made it much easier.
And you're very welcome! I hope you find a space you can feel safe being you! And yes, NAMI is good with autism! Burners are good with all sorts of neurospiciness too! Though, the parties can be loud and it might not be your thing, (I skip a lot of the parties myself) the community still does a lot of fun stuff if you hook up with the local scene.
Frankly, when you get micro-aggressions daily, it accumulates, especially if you're going through a hard time.
And yeah, it feels like my biggest fear is that, when I'm out, even some trans folks won't love me. They'll always view me as what I am now, not what I could become, or not what I always was. You know how it is. Sometimes, I feel like I won't be accepted either way and then I despair, but lately, I've been meaning to at least push through, you know?
I don't mind parties. I'll attend 'em
We've been gas lit by a lot of propaganda. Trans people have been incredibly inclusive. I've experienced no gatekeeping.
If your desire to transition is great enough that you're weighing it against microaggressions and all of that, you're trans. Cis people don't do that.
microaggression yesterday that hurt and how I cope
My favorite aunt vomited the family shame up on my facebook last night. It hurt. It still hurts. I made an initial defensive response, deleted it, and took the time to try to educate her (and anyone else reading). Pretending I don't prefer feminine things was literally killing me. I choose life, I told her. And I hope you prefer a joyful niece over a suicidal nephew.
But I wasn't alone in it. I messaged my baby brother who has been incredibly supportive, and vented to him as well as my girlfriend. And my sister-in-law posted supportive words on the same post. The post was me asking people to use my name rather than my dead name. Aunt's shame was triggered, unfortunately.
And I'm not trying to minimize your fears of microaggressions, they do hurt. And being a trans Latina, you will likely have a harder time than I am with this family stuff, being trans and white. But, to stay sane, I focus on the joyful parts. The people who do support me even when people are being hateful. And that brings me so much joy that I'm tearing up typing this.
I'm Latinx as well. Yeah, some Latinx families can be... quite conservative, especially when extended family or older members are concerned... I feel you, I do.
And thank you for not gate-keeping!