family shame, microaggressions, and skillful means
I posted on Facebook, asking family and friends to use my name, along with an explanation about me preferring feminine things. Including feminine names.
One of my favorite Aunts vomited the family shame up on that post. She may have been half in the bag considering how difficult it was to parse what she was saying. Once I looked at the tone though, I was like oh, this is the family shame we all grew up with. I know this garbage.
So, I deleted my initial defensive response. And explained to her that my name and my dead name actually have the same meaning. That it's just my name. And that it will legally be my name soon. I also explained that pretending I don't prefer feminine things was literally killing me. That I choose life. And that I hope she prefers a joyful niece to a suicidal nephew.
I feel proud of myself for handling it so well. I don't know that I'll get through to her. But I hopefully educated some people on the sidelines. And proved to myself once again that I'm much more able to deal with life's hurdles when I'm able to be myself.
Texted my baby brother, who has been super supportive. And vented and then we both vented about transphobic people (he's a serious ally, in addition to being a beautiful sibling) And both him and his wife offered support on the Facebook post too.
What my Aunt said hurts and makes me sad. But, I'm choosing to focus on all the support I've been getting. And putting my attention there instead of on the hurt brings me gratitude for the beautiful people in my life who will love and support me through this.
Family is hard isn't it? Wish it wasn't.. but you did really good. I think you handled it well keeping a calm response and explaining things plainly and your reasons. It's down to them now and I hope your aunt and whoever else come round.
I know how hard it is. My own family I had to walk away from. But I'm glad your brother is an ally and that's fucking awesome. Really happy for you ^^
Thanks! Yeah, it is hard. And I had a lot of pent up defensive energy about it this morning still. Teenage girl me feeling like 'that bitch is trying to put us back in that shame box.'
After some internal reassurance, the defensive energy relaxed and I got some rest.
That initial confrontation is hard, especially if you have to hold back it can stick with you. I'm glad you were able to clear your head and sleep.
Hopefully going forward it won't be as difficult but I know how it can be but I'm hoping for the best for you. You did great to stand up for what you feel and for yourself.
family shame, microaggressions, and skillful means
I posted on Facebook, asking family and friends to use my name, along with an explanation about me preferring feminine things. Including feminine names.
One of my favorite Aunts vomited the family shame up on that post. She may have been half in the bag considering how difficult it was to parse what she was saying. Once I looked at the tone though, I was like oh, this is the family shame we all grew up with. I know this garbage.
So, I deleted my initial defensive response. And explained to her that my name and my dead name actually have the same meaning. That it's just my name. And that it will legally be my name soon. I also explained that pretending I don't prefer feminine things was literally killing me. That I choose life. And that I hope she prefers a joyful niece to a suicidal nephew.
I feel proud of myself for handling it so well. I don't know that I'll get through to her. But I hopefully educated some people on the sidelines. And proved to myself once again that I'm much more able to deal with life's hurdles when I'm able to be myself.
Texted my baby brother, who has been super supportive. And vented and then we both vented about transphobic people (he's a serious ally, in addition to being a beautiful sibling) And both him and his wife offered support on the Facebook post too.
What my Aunt said hurts and makes me sad. But, I'm choosing to focus on all the support I've been getting. And putting my attention there instead of on the hurt brings me gratitude for the beautiful people in my life who will love and support me through this.
Family is hard isn't it? Wish it wasn't.. but you did really good. I think you handled it well keeping a calm response and explaining things plainly and your reasons. It's down to them now and I hope your aunt and whoever else come round.
I know how hard it is. My own family I had to walk away from. But I'm glad your brother is an ally and that's fucking awesome. Really happy for you ^^
Thanks! Yeah, it is hard. And I had a lot of pent up defensive energy about it this morning still. Teenage girl me feeling like 'that bitch is trying to put us back in that shame box.'
After some internal reassurance, the defensive energy relaxed and I got some rest.
That initial confrontation is hard, especially if you have to hold back it can stick with you. I'm glad you were able to clear your head and sleep.
Hopefully going forward it won't be as difficult but I know how it can be but I'm hoping for the best for you. You did great to stand up for what you feel and for yourself.
Sounds like it went relatively well at least, sucks about your aunt but your response to her sounds great, glad for the support you're getting