• Woly [any]
    ·
    3 years ago

    Newspapers are dying, quick, write an article that will alienate everyone from age 30 to 80!

      • ssjmarx [he/him]
        ·
        edit-2
        3 years ago

        8 to 80. Even though the films shows its age, it still hits with kids to this day. At least it did when I showed to to my younger siblings.

  • Leon_Grotsky [comrade/them]
    ·
    3 years ago

    Imagine thinking Gene Wilder in any way detracts from the quality of that movie

    BOOOOO fuck you Guy, you ponderous-prose dipshit.

    • Phish [he/him, any]
      ·
      3 years ago

      I don't even really like the movie and I think Wilder is great in it.

  • Fakename_Bill [he/him]
    ·
    3 years ago

    There's no earthly way of knowing

    Which direction we are going

    There's no knowing where we're rowing

    Or which way the river's flowing

    Is it raining? Is it snowing?

    Is a hurricane a-blowing?

    Not a speck of light is showing, so the danger must be growing

    Are the fires of Hell a-glowing?

    Is the grisly reaper mowing?

    Yes!

    The danger must be growing, for the rowers keep on rowing

    And they're certainly not showing

    Any signs that they are slowing!

    • DashEightMate [any]
      ·
      3 years ago

      This is one of the best scenes in Kino. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise

    • Vampire [any]
      ·
      3 years ago

      Highlighting Dahl's writing as the best part of the movie doesn't help make the case that it's a good adaptation

        • Vampire [any]
          ·
          3 years ago

          The most important thing we've learned,

          So far as children are concerned,

          Is never, NEVER, NEVER let

          Them near your television set –

          Or better still, just don't install

          The idiotic thing at all.

          In almost every house we've been,

          We've watched them gaping at the screen.

          They loll and slop and lounge about,

          And stare until their eyes pop out.

          (Last week in someone's place we saw

          A dozen eyeballs on the floor.)

          They sit and stare and stare and sit

          Until they're hypnotised by it,

          Until they're absolutely drunk

          With all that shocking ghastly junk.

          Oh yes, we know it keeps them still,

          They don't climb out the window sill,

          They never fight or kick or punch,

          They leave you free to cook the lunch

          And wash the dishes in the sink –

          But did you ever stop to think,

          To wonder just exactly what

          This does to your beloved tot?

          IT ROTS THE SENSE IN THE HEAD!

          IT KILLS IMAGINATION DEAD!

          IT CLOGS AND CLUTTERS UP THE MIND!

          IT MAKES A CHILD SO DULL AND BLIND

          HE CAN NO LONGER UNDERSTAND

          A FANTASY, A FAIRYLAND!

          HIS BRAIN BECOMES AS SOFT AS CHEESE!

          HIS POWERS OF THINKING RUST AND FREEZE!

          HE CANNOT THINK – HE ONLY SEES!

          'All right!' you'll cry. 'All right!' you'll say,

          'But if we take the set away,

          What shall we do to entertain

          Our darling children? Please explain!'

          We'll answer this by asking you,

          'What used the darling ones to do?

          'How used they keep themselves contented

          Before this monster was invented?'

          Have you forgotten? Don't you know?

          We'll say it very loud and slow:

          THEY ... USED ... TO ... READ! They'd READ and READ,

          AND READ and READ, and then proceed

          To READ some more. Great Scott! Gadzooks!

          One half their lives was reading books!

          The nursery shelves held books galore!

          Books cluttered up the nursery floor!

          And in the bedroom, by the bed,

          More books were waiting to be read!

          Such wondrous, fine, fantastic tales

          Of dragons, gypsies, queens, and whales

          And treasure isles, and distant shores

          Where smugglers rowed with muffled oars,

          And pirates wearing purple pants,

          And sailing ships and elephants,

          And cannibals crouching 'round the pot,

          Stirring away at something hot.

          (It smells so good, what can it be?

          Good gracious, it's Penelope.)

          The younger ones had Beatrix Potter

          With Mr. Tod, the dirty rotter,

          And Squirrel Nutkin, Pigling Bland,

          And Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle and-

          Just How The Camel Got His Hump,

          And How the Monkey Lost His Rump,

          And Mr. Toad, and bless my soul,

          There's Mr. Rat and Mr. Mole-

          Oh, books, what books they used to know,

          Those children living long ago!

          So please, oh please, we beg, we pray,

          Go throw your TV set away,

          And in its place you can install

          A lovely bookshelf on the wall.

          Then fill the shelves with lots of books,

          Ignoring all the dirty looks,

          The screams and yells, the bites and kicks,

          And children hitting you with sticks-

          Fear not, because we promise you

          That, in about a week or two

          Of having nothing else to do,

          They'll now begin to feel the need

          Of having something to read.

          And once they start – oh boy, oh boy!

          You watch the slowly growing joy

          That fills their hearts. They'll grow so keen

          They'll wonder what they'd ever seen

          In that ridiculous machine,

          That nauseating, foul, unclean,

          Repulsive television screen!

          And later, each and every kid

          Will love you more for what you did.

  • bort_simp_son [she/her]
    ·
    3 years ago

    Yes, the movie is capitalist propaganda pretending ownership of corporations is decided through meritocracy.

    But this guy's problem with the movie is that Wonka wasn't zany enough.

    • Nagarjuna [he/him]
      ·
      3 years ago

      I'm amazed that the same man wrote Danny Champion of the World and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

      Like, capitalists are good if the workers they're exploiting are brown brown coded creatures I guess.

      • invalidusernamelol [he/him]
        ·
        3 years ago

        In the book they are clearly black slaves. It's only the movies that portray them as orange.

    • Itsmorning [none/use name]
      ·
      3 years ago

      We were doing that party game where you take movie quotes on paper from a bag and read them, and everyone has to guess which movie they were from. I got Wonka's monologue from the end of the movie where he accuses Grandpa Joe of stealing fizzy lifting drinks and concludes with "Good DAY sir! You LOSE sir!" Oh man best draw ever. I burned Grandpa Joe a new asshole. "et cetera, et cetera!"

  • MsUltraViolet [she/her]
    ·
    3 years ago

    Being named "Guy Lodge" and looking like he does in his picture is like a Felix bit.

    Also, I found his twitter, and he's as insufferable as you'd expect. A lot of posting screenshots of people pointing out how shit his article is with "I'm totally not owned, you're the one owned because you're telling me I'm a shitty writer." https://twitter.com/GuyLodge?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor

    • Leon_Grotsky [comrade/them]
      ·
      3 years ago

      His bio has freelance film critic lmao

      Hello, as a person who complains about movies to anyone within earshot I would like my freelance movie critic certificate pelase and thank you

      • MsUltraViolet [she/her]
        ·
        3 years ago

        I'm in the process of being hired by a large, content farm-esque site to do freelance movie review writing, and the pay is super shit (literally $30 for a 1-2k word article, but hey, it's something and will look good on my resume I guess) and knowing that this hack probably makes like 20-30x or more than that for the shit he puts out... ouch.

      • Itsmorning [none/use name]
        ·
        3 years ago

        I always mentally substitute the word "unemployed" for "freelancer" whenever I see it.

  • nightcrawler995 [he/him,any]
    ·
    3 years ago

    Not relevant, but that dude looks like the most generic white person ever, and his name also is two ordinary words, lmao

  • Sen_Jen [they/them]
    ·
    3 years ago

    Ngl I prefer the Johnny Depp version because Gene Wilder seems too well adjusted. Depp's Willy is a freak a recluse and a slave owner, and he tries to murder 4 children and acts like it wasn't his fault. And obviously no one is going to seriously challenge the man who just had his slaves come out and sing a song about how terrible your child was after drowning said child. Wonka is clearly a madman in this movie and its hilarious

  • OldSoulHippie [he/him]
    ·
    3 years ago

    "40 year old hipster who was born rich has a contrarian take. Better put it on the front page"

    • OldSoulHippie [he/him]
      ·
      3 years ago

      Not even his mom. She sits around wondering how such a joyless piece of shit sprung from her loins.

    • axont [she/her, comrade/them]
      ·
      edit-2
      3 years ago
      • A guy tells a computer to go fuck itself
      • Silly candy songs
      • Edible wallpaper
      • There's a candy that turns people into blueberries
      • Grandpa Joe says woo-hoo at various points
    • SiskoDid2ThingsWrong [none/use name]
      ·
      3 years ago

      It was my favorite movie as a kid. The film was meant as a marketing ploy for a candy company but ironically they fucked the formula on the chocolate bars they were going to release with the film and had to recall them. They apparently gave a lot of artistic freedom to the guys they handed the project off to and they just made some trippy ass shit. Fun to watch while stoned.