Newspapers are dying, quick, write an article that will alienate everyone from age 30 to 80!
20 to 80, at least. Everybody loves Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, it's a fucking classic
8 to 80. Even though the films shows its age, it still hits with kids to this day. At least it did when I showed to to my younger siblings.
Roald Dahl was an actual fascist sympathizer and I like the Gene Wilder film even more now
If Roald Dalh hated something then it's good because he was a moron. I guess I wrote that poorly.
Imagine thinking Gene Wilder in any way detracts from the quality of that movie
BOOOOO fuck you Guy, you ponderous-prose dipshit.
I don't even really like the movie and I think Wilder is great in it.
There's no earthly way of knowing
Which direction we are going
There's no knowing where we're rowing
Or which way the river's flowing
Is it raining? Is it snowing?
Is a hurricane a-blowing?
Not a speck of light is showing, so the danger must be growing
Are the fires of Hell a-glowing?
Is the grisly reaper mowing?
Yes!
The danger must be growing, for the rowers keep on rowing
And they're certainly not showing
Any signs that they are slowing!
This is one of the best scenes in Kino. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise
Highlighting Dahl's writing as the best part of the movie doesn't help make the case that it's a good adaptation
The most important thing we've learned,
So far as children are concerned,
Is never, NEVER, NEVER let
Them near your television set –
Or better still, just don't install
The idiotic thing at all.
In almost every house we've been,
We've watched them gaping at the screen.
They loll and slop and lounge about,
And stare until their eyes pop out.
(Last week in someone's place we saw
A dozen eyeballs on the floor.)
They sit and stare and stare and sit
Until they're hypnotised by it,
Until they're absolutely drunk
With all that shocking ghastly junk.
Oh yes, we know it keeps them still,
They don't climb out the window sill,
They never fight or kick or punch,
They leave you free to cook the lunch
And wash the dishes in the sink –
But did you ever stop to think,
To wonder just exactly what
This does to your beloved tot?
IT ROTS THE SENSE IN THE HEAD!
IT KILLS IMAGINATION DEAD!
IT CLOGS AND CLUTTERS UP THE MIND!
IT MAKES A CHILD SO DULL AND BLIND
HE CAN NO LONGER UNDERSTAND
A FANTASY, A FAIRYLAND!
HIS BRAIN BECOMES AS SOFT AS CHEESE!
HIS POWERS OF THINKING RUST AND FREEZE!
HE CANNOT THINK – HE ONLY SEES!
'All right!' you'll cry. 'All right!' you'll say,
'But if we take the set away,
What shall we do to entertain
Our darling children? Please explain!'
We'll answer this by asking you,
'What used the darling ones to do?
'How used they keep themselves contented
Before this monster was invented?'
Have you forgotten? Don't you know?
We'll say it very loud and slow:
THEY ... USED ... TO ... READ! They'd READ and READ,
AND READ and READ, and then proceed
To READ some more. Great Scott! Gadzooks!
One half their lives was reading books!
The nursery shelves held books galore!
Books cluttered up the nursery floor!
And in the bedroom, by the bed,
More books were waiting to be read!
Such wondrous, fine, fantastic tales
Of dragons, gypsies, queens, and whales
And treasure isles, and distant shores
Where smugglers rowed with muffled oars,
And pirates wearing purple pants,
And sailing ships and elephants,
And cannibals crouching 'round the pot,
Stirring away at something hot.
(It smells so good, what can it be?
Good gracious, it's Penelope.)
The younger ones had Beatrix Potter
With Mr. Tod, the dirty rotter,
And Squirrel Nutkin, Pigling Bland,
And Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle and-
Just How The Camel Got His Hump,
And How the Monkey Lost His Rump,
And Mr. Toad, and bless my soul,
There's Mr. Rat and Mr. Mole-
Oh, books, what books they used to know,
Those children living long ago!
So please, oh please, we beg, we pray,
Go throw your TV set away,
And in its place you can install
A lovely bookshelf on the wall.
Then fill the shelves with lots of books,
Ignoring all the dirty looks,
The screams and yells, the bites and kicks,
And children hitting you with sticks-
Fear not, because we promise you
That, in about a week or two
Of having nothing else to do,
They'll now begin to feel the need
Of having something to read.
And once they start – oh boy, oh boy!
You watch the slowly growing joy
That fills their hearts. They'll grow so keen
They'll wonder what they'd ever seen
In that ridiculous machine,
That nauseating, foul, unclean,
Repulsive television screen!
And later, each and every kid
Will love you more for what you did.
It's the interdimensional waiting room from the all-mayo reboot of Twin Peaks
Yes, the movie is capitalist propaganda pretending ownership of corporations is decided through meritocracy.
But this guy's problem with the movie is that Wonka wasn't zany enough.
I'm amazed that the same man wrote Danny Champion of the World and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Like, capitalists are good if the workers they're exploiting are
brownbrown coded creatures I guess.In the book they are clearly black slaves. It's only the movies that portray them as orange.
We were doing that party game where you take movie quotes on paper from a bag and read them, and everyone has to guess which movie they were from. I got Wonka's monologue from the end of the movie where he accuses Grandpa Joe of stealing fizzy lifting drinks and concludes with "Good DAY sir! You LOSE sir!" Oh man best draw ever. I burned Grandpa Joe a new asshole. "et cetera, et cetera!"
Being named "Guy Lodge" and looking like he does in his picture is like a Felix bit.
Also, I found his twitter, and he's as insufferable as you'd expect. A lot of posting screenshots of people pointing out how shit his article is with "I'm totally not owned, you're the one owned because you're telling me I'm a shitty writer." https://twitter.com/GuyLodge?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor
His bio has freelance film critic lmao
Hello, as a person who complains about movies to anyone within earshot I would like my freelance movie critic certificate pelase and thank you
I'm in the process of being hired by a large, content farm-esque site to do freelance movie review writing, and the pay is super shit (literally $30 for a 1-2k word article, but hey, it's something and will look good on my resume I guess) and knowing that this hack probably makes like 20-30x or more than that for the shit he puts out... ouch.
I always mentally substitute the word "unemployed" for "freelancer" whenever I see it.
Not relevant, but that dude looks like the most generic white person ever, and his name also is two ordinary words, lmao
Ngl I prefer the Johnny Depp version because Gene Wilder seems too well adjusted. Depp's Willy is a freak a recluse and a slave owner, and he tries to murder 4 children and acts like it wasn't his fault. And obviously no one is going to seriously challenge the man who just had his slaves come out and sing a song about how terrible your child was after drowning said child. Wonka is clearly a madman in this movie and its hilarious
Johnny Depp did the impossible - he made Willy Wonka boring. He was just...there.
"40 year old hipster who was born rich has a contrarian take. Better put it on the front page"
Not even his mom. She sits around wondering how such a joyless piece of shit sprung from her loins.
- A guy tells a computer to go fuck itself
- Silly candy songs
- Edible wallpaper
- There's a candy that turns people into blueberries
- Grandpa Joe says woo-hoo at various points
It was my favorite movie as a kid. The film was meant as a marketing ploy for a candy company but ironically they fucked the formula on the chocolate bars they were going to release with the film and had to recall them. They apparently gave a lot of artistic freedom to the guys they handed the project off to and they just made some trippy ass shit. Fun to watch while stoned.