Never say these 5 phrases to your kids, says psychologist—here's why
archive.is
archived 6 Jul 2021 12:54:59 UTC

Seriously...as a parent I feel like I'm constantly stressed out on finding the right words and approaches to reinforce the right things but sometimes articles from "the experts":

https://archive.is/yP0yu

Just make me seethe with contempt for how out of touch and frankly awful some parenting gurus are.

Its not all bad to be fair. I agree with number 2 and teaching kids how to recognize their own emotions and think empathetically but then there's shit like number 3:

Furthermore, complaining about your job around your kids teaches them that work isn’t fun. As a result, they may grow up believing that adulthood is about spending half of your waking hours in complete misery.

Oh, well we can't have that can we? Oh no junior, I swear daddy definitely loves clocking in at 6am and answering emails and crunching numbers rather then going outside to play basketball with you or build that new lego set. What, you're grown up now and you hate your job and the way it makes you feel incredibly alienated in a way you never could have imagined? You just need to work on your attitude! Fuck that noise!

Even number 4, which I agree is good in practice, is arrived at for the wrong reasons. Its not about teaching kids some nonsense about being the sole arbiter and decision maker in charge of your life. Its about reinforcing the responsibilities and obligations you have to one another, whether that's doing work or going to help grandma get some things down from the attic, or getting groceries for the week at the store.

In a few years I genuinely hope we evolve to the point of realizing that teaching our children neoliberal mindset is its own form of abuse.

  • Homestar440 [he/him]
    ·
    3 years ago

    Class oppression is just a negative mindset, sweaty. Don’t think of it as being exploited, think of it as being insploited, makes all the difference

    • Ericthescruffy [he/him]
      ·
      3 years ago

      I looked up some other stuff this contributor has written (because I apparently hate read articles to wake up in the morning) and this bit was just fucking gold:

      Saying things like “we can’t afford new shoes like the other kids because we come from a poor background” reinforces to your child that most of life’s circumstances are out of their control. Kids who recognize their choices in life feel more confident in their ability to create a better future for themselves. Rather than allowing your kids to host pity parties or exaggerate their misfortunes, encourage them to take positive action (e.g., setting up a lemonade stand so they can save up to buy things they want or need). Kids who recognize their choices in life feel more confident in their ability to create a better future for themselves.

      • nohaybanda [he/him]
        ·
        3 years ago

        (e.g., setting up a lemonade stand so they can save up to buy things they want or need)

        What the fuck is it with Americans and fucking lemonade stands?! :agony-minion:

            • Ericthescruffy [he/him]
              ·
              3 years ago

              Its an exercise to teach kids not to ask mommy/daddy for money because it doesn’t grow on trees and you’ll never save enough of your own because you are a kid with no market value.

              In fact even when its represented fictionally I feel like that's usually how its framed also. Like: it could be a made up memory but I swear there's an episode of the Simpsons where Bart opens a lemonade stand to raise money for a game/comic or something and manages to make like $1.25 for the entire day and then Lisa adds insult to injury that the cost of a bag of lemons is actually $2.00 which actually puts him in the red.

              Like eventually they wind up raising money for the thing somehow but even in generally pro capitalist fiction the moral of the lemonade stand trope is essentially that earning money is actually really really really goddamn hard. Like way harder then you imagine as a kid. The idea of it being a practical application for kids to actually earn some spending money is just delusional nonsense.

              • Itsmorning [none/use name]
                ·
                3 years ago

                It's to get the kids to shut up to Mom & Dad about buying them things. You know how hard it is to make money, sweetie? Remember when you had a lemonade stand? Well Mom & Dad have to do that all day, every day, so STFU that we're not buying you those $250 Nikes that all kids have these days.

              • abc [he/him, comrade/them]
                ·
                3 years ago

                In fact even when its represented fictionally I feel like that’s usually how its framed also. Like: it could be a made up memory but I swear there’s an episode of the Simpsons where Bart opens a lemonade stand to raise money for a game/comic or something and manages to make like $1.25 for the entire day and then Lisa adds insult to injury that the cost of a bag of lemons is actually $2.00 which actually puts him in the red.

                Lol the joke in the episode is actually about vendors licenses - which is a bit more on the nose given how many minority kids are harassed by middle aged white women via the same process lol

          • Homestar440 [he/him]
            ·
            3 years ago

            It's just like the Myth of Barter or McCardle's drug prices article, bourgeoise economics is basically pseudoscience, so as soon as you want to explain it, out come the childish metaphors "imagine you have a lemonade stand with two cows and its national roast leg of lamb day" or whatever

          • nohaybanda [he/him]
            ·
            3 years ago

            It has to be. Like, the stereotypical lemonade stand story happens in the suburbs. Where there are like 5 houses near you, and everyone else drives everywhere. Even if all through-traffic actually stopped to buy a lemonade, how many sales would that be in an afternoon of work?

      • BelovedOldFriend [he/him]
        ·
        3 years ago

        “we can’t afford new shoes like the other kids because we come from a poor background”

        Definitely a thing that real poor people say to their children on the reg, and not something that this prejudiced piece of shit author made up.

      • UhhhDunkDunk [comrade/them]
        ·
        3 years ago

        this is fascinating- absolutely tone deaf and factually bad mental health advice. It is GOOD to tech children that there are things outside their control and things within their control- by teaching them about their locus of control you teach them how to identify if there is something they can do regarding a situation or if there is not- which in turn can prevent them from maladaptive coping techniques. Moreover, the value in learning about ones locus of control is in recognizing that almost everything in life is actually outside of your control, one of the only things you have control over is your actions and attitudes.