It's probably multiple factors, but one of the first things that comes up in conversation during a date or dating apps or even just meeting people is: where do you work? And when people hear I work in grocery, it ALWAYS shows on their face. I feel like I need to stay within my 'class' and only find people who work in a similar job. Sucks yall
This sucks. Honestly when I was dating I had a hard time not hearing "what do you do?" as a turnoff. I have what is considered a "good" job, so I never had a problem answering, but it sucks that we live in a society where you can't meet people without them asking about your job.
Honestly when I was dating I used to use that question as a segueway to how embarrassed I'd feel to answer if I worked in a coffee shop, and how valuable a person's life can be even though they don't have a sexy job - a way to feel out my date's solidarity with other classes.
I've never had that experience in recent memory, but this sucks comrade. On the bright side, your job is an asshole detector. If they care you probably don't want to be with them anyways, if they don't care they could be pretty cool.
Thanks friend, it is an asshole detector for the most part, it's just a large crowd of people who take jobs very seriously. The few people who have worked out don't care at all.
I'm married, but when I was young and single I struck out with every girl on jdate because I was a waiter. A whole bunch of girls were like "I'm looking for someone more stable". Like bitch, I'm 22, what do you want me to be? Jokes on them, I married an Armenian.
for a second I thought this is some bit, but then I remember that it was the other reddit nerd who was Armenian.
Just start lying.
Obviously this is the solution, but you only want to half-lie, because full lying is shitty and if the relationship works out a lie about your job is not something you can really keep up, anyway. What do I mean by half-lie? Pick something else you're doing or want to do (that you actually like) and say that's your job, but you're just getting started and haven't gotten it totally off the ground yet. Worst-case scenario, pick some line of work you'd actually like and say you're working towards starting your own business as that. If pressed for details, present your exploitative wage job as a temporary means of paying the bills while you gravitate towards what you'd actually like to do (again, this is only a half-lie). For example:
- "I'm trying to make it as a musician, but until I hit it big I'm doing X to pay the bills."
- "I'm studying to be Y, and doing X to pay the bills."
- "I want to open up my own bar/restaurant/store/whatever, and I'm putting together my business plan and saving money doing X right now."
You may know this is a stretch, and she'll probably know it too, but if she otherwise likes you it can help get past any superficial financial hesitation she might have (and in a capitalist hellworld where all human relationships have the potential to become crippling financial liabilities, you unsurprisingly find a lot of that). You're not trying to trick her into thinking you're loaded, but if her friends/family look down on people with real jobs, and she doesn't (yet) like you enough to navigate through all that, you're being reasonably honest while giving her something to take home to that crowd.
"I'm trying to start a proletarian revolution, but I'm working in retail to pay the bills."
Has a nice ring to it.
It sucks that everyone is so shell-shocked and terrified of poverty under capitalism that it becomes a part of how people choose partners, but alas! Just surprise them with all the cool shit you do in the hopes they don't put it together that you definitely work at walmart to support that hahaha
good take. Depending on my job, there were times where it was an identity of mine, and times when it wasn't. It's an adjustment to make that switch, and it sounds like making your grocery job a major part of your identity isn't healthy and makes you very self conscious. Acknowledge your job, sure, but learn how to pivot to talking about your other interests.
Find better girls and stop overthinking.
Gold diggers and classist girls exist but they are a very small minority.
The thing is, I don't think it's on purpose, it's just a built in reaction. No one is mean about it, they'd just choose someone with more money vs. me
You might have had some bad experiences but not everyone is like that.
The most important thing is to believe in your self, be confortable with who you are and pace your safe wisely.
If you have issues with self-confidence it might be wise to sort that out first before dating anyone. Good luck bro.
Then don't go on the apps. They do nothing except make you feel worse
The problem is you need them nowadays. It's extremely hard to meet new people who are single, doubly so in quarantine
Try apps that match people based on shared interest like OkCupid, met a lot of communists there.
No. I have trouble dating, because I dont feel comfortable with online platforms, and dont meet people IRL often enough, besides Im very self-conscious cause trans. That said, I think your job can influence dating, and depending on your age what your job is might be something people might care about. It could be a sign on whether you have a drive and what your ambitions are and so on, or it could be just a momentary situation, lack of opportunity etc.
I'm probably older than most people here (30s) so it definitely has a lot to do with it
