There's a nice Yugopnik video about a "capitalism survival guide" that tries to help navigate a disillusioned worker in the modern hellscape. There are some two VERY important things that he brough up as tips to the modern worker:
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Everyone is winging it. Regardless of the high expectations you see in job descriptions, you need to figure out how to bullshit your way past them: unless its something like a doctor, pilot, or engineer, you can probably learn the skills without getting a degree in them.
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Work JUST enough, the employee that stays the extra hours and stuff doesn't always get the promotion. Depending on your work and position, working more might just be a net negative, as your extra mile becomes next time's bare minimum. This can then hurt your co-workers too, and as for you individually, you might suffer the curse of being the "go-to" guy. Ergo, extra work for you for the same pay as before.
Since your boss doesn't know shit: always inflate timelines. Task X takes 2 days to complete? Tell your boss it takes a week. And then turn it in a day early.
So many :porky-happy: want to remove what Buffer Time is left for workers, right now.
They're fucking around and may they soon find out. :porky-scared:
My current spot is good for that. It's a kitchen and the prevailing attitude is just be able to crank it out when we're busy but if everything is under control then fucking vibe.
If you can get a supervisor position, take it and use that position to make your coworkers' lives less shitty.
Yep that's what finally made me take the plunge. I was gonna have to hold whoever else's hand that took the position since I've been there for over a decade. I also had the support of all my coworkers to take the position. Consent of the governed and whatnot so yea. Now I'm the cool anarchist boss.
No because you see:
#grindset, #hustle >>>>>> interacting with betas
#octodecatrillliogorillionairemindset #sigmamale
bribe your boss with whiskey and food if hes that kinda guy
will legit stop giving a shit about your progress and give you free money while you can be a lazy jerkoff
source: skated by on a job doing jack shit by buying my boss whiskey every month
Here are my top bear tips for surviving the neoliberal workplace:
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Roar at those who encroach on your salmon hunting territory.
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Eat plenty of berries to build your fatty layer for the winter
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I work kitchens so working hard is pretty much non negotiable, it comes with the territory but:
Even if you don't smoke, take breaks or tag along when co-workers do. Smoke breaks are union meetings in kitchens. It's also just good to be able to stop the chaos for a second and clear your head. Also you're probably legally entitled to certain amounts of break (I am), not taking it is just allowing wage theft, encourage non smokers to do some for a break like grab a quick bite to eat or just vibe and have a coffee or whatever cause a lot just won't cause they have no real way to occupy the time so they keep working to pass the time faster.
If servers don't get staff meals sneak them food, if they're hungry throw together an app for them to pick at when they're on the kitchen. They will make your life a lot easier and you can usually get some drinks snuck your way as well.
Never show your full potential. Keep it super chill and slow when it isn't busy and turn it on only during a rush. If you're good during crunch time you don't catch shit for taking it easy the rest of the time.
It's kind of a hard one cause while I don't give a shot about the business being negligent on stuff fucks over your co-workers and I have nothing against the customers for the most part and it's not on them that pay sucks for cooks, if they're rude they get shitty food but for the most part I want them to have an awesome meal. There isn't much that doesn't either make your life harder or your co-workers lives harder that doesn't play into the boss's hand
Edit for most important: STEAL FOOD IN MASSIVE MASSIVE QUANTITIES. there is so much and so much gets wasted. Find places to give it away to and when taking shit for yourself just take prepped ingredients cause you're gonna be sooooo sick of the slop you sling
Don't undersell yourself. Remove phrases like "oh, it was nothing" from your vocabulary in the workplace. You should still be nice and gracious and stuff, but always be willing to accept credit and praise others direct at you, and never undersell your own achievements out of some misplaced sense of modesty.
: if being lazy is gonna fuck over your fellow workers and force them to pick up the pieces of what you don’t get done
adding on to my comment about becoming a supervisor literally my only rules are; Do not make things harder for/piss off your coworkers, and try not to piss off any customers more than I can cover for. 99% of customer complaints are bullshit and in the rare instance that they are legitimate the person is probably an asshole you don't want to keep working with anyway.
For computer jobs get really good at excel. Convince your company to pay for a training course for you, learn all the keyboard shortcuts, become a ninja in that shit. You will be able to complete tasks in 25% of the time of your peers which will then unlock 75% of your time for fucking around or for working more, depending on your personality type.
Don’t stress too much about how much work you’re doing, everyone else is too busy staying on top of their shit to worry about yours, just do what you’re asked in a reasonable time frame, don’t complain and you’ll be golden
I've seen major chemical engineering plants use Excel for production and it is sort of scary.
Another tip: master the lingo. I hate it so much and it definitely makes me roll my eyes so hard they'll pop out of the back of my head, but...
Understanding and being able to use the lingo changes everything. You can do less and get credit for more, get more credit for the things you actually do, make yourself seem valuable to important people....
It sucks so so so much, but the reality is that I have a bunch of coworkers making six figures who do absolutely nothing, but they've mastered the lingo. They just show up to meetings and spew some bullshit about "action items" and that's their entire job.
