Physically I am a primordial, but I spiritually jerk off everyday

  • AlicePraxis
    ·
    5 months ago

    deleted by creator

  • operacion_ogro [he/him]
    ·
    10 months ago

    retaining my cum, mewing, wristmaxxing, keeping my tongue pressed against the roof of my mouth, doing all my other 4chan exercises

  • Maoo [none/use name]
    ·
    10 months ago

    Increasing your risk of prostate cancer to own the... wait... who?

    • Evilphd666 [he/him, comrade/them]
      ·
      10 months ago

      Ask Defense Sexretary Austin. He's got some pee pee problems. Hope it was worth owning all those defense stocks.

  • GayTuckerCarlson [none/use name]
    ·
    10 months ago

    This whole command structure is fucked

    It should be

    Day 0: Primordial

    Mortal

    Warrior

    Soldier

    Captain

    Commander

    General

    Demigod

    Titan

    NoFap God

    • GayTuckerCarlson [none/use name]
      ·
      10 months ago

      General is a higher rank than Commander

      Generals, captains, and commanders should be leading the warriors and soldiers

      The Greek Mythology titans were defeated by the new gods.

      Why would primordial, the most basic collection of cells, be at the top and not the beginning of the chain?

      • Esoteir [he/him]
        ·
        10 months ago

        I think it's because of RETVRN fascism brain lmao, the older = the better for them, and i think primoridal is supposed to be the primoridal gods of greek myth, which are older than the titans and therefore even more RETVRN. i guess they think greek mythology is some anime shit where the older a god is the more powerful they are despite that as you pointed out the titans got fucking BTFO'd by the gen alpha olympians

        as for the military ranking shit, i think i figured it out, it's that captains and generals are on average older than soldiers, and commanders are like bronze age mythology RETVRN version of generals, and warriors existed before military formations did so they're the ultimate RETVRN

      • AlpineSteakHouse [any]
        ·
        10 months ago

        Why would primordial, the most basic collection of cells, be at the top and not the beginning of the chain?

        Primordial gods are considered to be a step above the other gods, they just don't care enough to rule. Imagine Zeus the God of Thunder trying to fight the primordial manifestation of movement and change. The gods are rulers of the universe, Primordials are the very foundation of the universe itself and could destroy it with a thought.

        Even the Christian God before, he was retconned to be the only one, was only given such a high respect because he brought order to a small dot of Chaos and formed the earth. It's like taking a fort in a war while being completely surrounded for miles and considering it "defeating the enemy."

  • rootsbreadandmakka [he/him]
    ·
    10 months ago

    I don’t think I’ve ever even reached the rank of mortal since middle school 😤

  • ashinadash [she/her]
    ·
    10 months ago

    Trust in masturbation discourse to instantly bring out the weirdest views of any community

  • GrouchyGrouse [he/him]
    ·
    10 months ago

    I surgically gave myself scissorhands like Edward Scissorhands from the movie Edward Scissorhands to stop myself from jacking off.