[CW: Transphobia]
As a non-binary person, I now have to operate under the assumption that any trans person I meet has a good chance of hating my guts simply because of my gender identity (ironic). I really fucking hate that I cannot undo this mindset because of how common transmedicalism and enbyphobia in the trans community has become.
I can't even see a post on social media that says something like "Trans Rights!!!" and not feel uncomfortable because my initial reaction has become "Does that include me, though? Do you support my rights?". I will always identify as trans, but I'm heavily frightened by the possibility that transphobic attacks I experience are not just gonna be from mostly cis people.
Now, at every fucking turn, I have to ponder if I belong in any trans spaces or not. After going through harsh amounts of abusive transphobia from cis people, having trans people go out of their way to exclude me has done more to make me feel alone than anything else, and it's absolutely not what I need right now.
Yes. I half unfortunately fall within the spectrum of "what trans people should look like" so that feels insanely gross when people talk to me like """one of the good ones"""
I may be vocal about my identity/origins with people, but my mostly "passing" means that I'll have fewer of those interactions, and fewer people will know they've just interacted with a trans person and that it was nice. In a sense, I feel as though the burden of education is then involuntarily shifted to people who don't fit into the traditional gender binary, so I feel like I should thank you for being visible, though it's not really a choice. I hate that it puts y'all in more danger.
Peace and love 💕