I feel this. Gender introspection usually involves digging up a lot repressed pain. It’s not something that is universally positive for all people at all points in their life. I think if you’re in an otherwise safe position to do the work, it’s almost always positive. But plenty of people have good and enduring reasons for the repression they’ve done. Regardless of what the result of that introspection might be for you, I’m sorry you don’t feel safe enough to really think about it. Shit sucks. I’m still boymoding the vast majority of the time but I do not envy the version of myself that didn’t know.

Hell yeah. We're putting on another Slam album and just jamming out instead.

I'm not going to lie and tell you there's no risk or pain. what I can tell you is that there are much more fulfilling relationships and genuine happiness on the other side. I connected with myself in ways that transcend words and ultimately healed a world of trauma I was bearing and hiding from the world. so yes, there's sadness, pain, and risk, but exploring it anyway is so worth the cost.