And like incels, they are def not having sex. Do you have a better simile/metaphor for batshit prolifers? If so, leave it in the comments.
And like incels, they are def not having sex. Do you have a better simile/metaphor for batshit prolifers? If so, leave it in the comments.
I would push for a broader definition, just because there's a fair amount of overlap between male incels and pro-lifers also. Also, Incel's broadly claim to want "sex"....but I've always found the fact that they consider sex workers and their patrons an anathema super revealing. I think, probably more than even they realize, Incels actually crave intimacy and connection more than "sex".
If that's accurate than "female incels" are basically just incels...regardless of whether they have "sex". The ways in which they are problematic and toxic just differ because of societal expectations and gender roles.
This is how I have always viewed it as well. It's a deeply internalized toxic and self loathing worldview that leads them to view these things as transactional while also hating that they think that way and being unwilling to accept that.
What they want isn't the sex per se, but what they want is to be judged as worthy by a woman. They want to be a man she wants to have sex with. To be worthy.
They're not. Instead they get nothing but disgust reactions from women. That's got to do a number on your head after a few years.
Yeah... it sucks living in a society where women's approval is necessary for men's self-esteem. Shitty situation for both groups.
:deeper-sadness:
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Ehh.... I'm aware of MGTOW, but from what I've seen they talk about women in the same bitter, derogatory way as incels. There's gotta be a better way to cope with this stuff than becoming an anti-feminist.
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I mean, my general belief is this: gender is a system that exists in society to coerce people into performing different functions necessary to the social structure. For example, one function men are required to perform is wage-labor. Men are granted less sympathy and support in society (male expendability) in order to force them to labor. Men who labor are rewarded with varying amounts of money and status (often moreso than female wage-laborers, because wage-labor is a male function). Men who do not labor are shamed and abused.
Men and women both suffer different harms and enjoy different benefits from this system. Women sometimes benefit from sexism at men's expense. People don't really want to talk about this, but they should. We should be able to talk about institutional misogyny and institutional misandry without being at odds with each other.
This system isn't men's fault, and it's not women's fault. It's a system that victimizes people of all genders, and people of all genders should work together in trying to dismantle it. Feminists aren't men's enemy in this respect. They aren't always respectful in the way they talk about/to men, but they are doing important work. Especially intersectional feminists, as their work for LGBTQ+ rights and racial justice directly benefits LGBTQ+ and non-white men.
As for what I'd say to men who've been harmed by women, I'd say, just try to be empathetic. Remember that women are suffering too, in their own ways. And try not to become bigoted against all members of [X group] because of something one of them did to you. Whether that's a racial group, a gender, a sexual orientation, or whatever. I'd also say I love you. I love men, I love being around them, I love the way they are. I want to support men when they need it.
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Look, I'm someone who struggles with this same exact issue, and I'm trying to tell you my worldview that has helped me be less angry at women. If you don't want to hear it, why did you ask?
Because I'm trying to brainstorm ideas that work. I was serious about letting me know how your idea works out, though. I'm honestly curious to find out.
They partly wanted to be validated by a woman, but they really want to be validated by a woman that their guy friends think of as attractive. Something about being robbed of "manhood".
I don't really think that's true. In fact almost all the men I know don't even introduce their girlfriends to their guy friends, and there's a documented tendency for men who get in an LTR with a woman to withdraw from their male friendships altogether. It's definitely much more about wanting women's approval than wanting other men's approval.
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that's definitely the case. Sex is a source of pleasure for sure, but it is deeply tied with intimacy. The difference between a guy with no game and an incel is the guy with no game has support in his life, an incel, often by their own actions but sometimes just because life sucks, has no one.