I don't think this is too doomerish for the doomer comm, but this is something I need to get off my chest.
I'm a bit of a manchild, I graduated but no one wants to hire me so I have no money. I am stuck in a dead end, only a dollar above minimum wage job because that is as far as my resume will take me. Employers claim that they are desperate for work but they are as picky as ever. Hell, with the recent fed shenanigans, they WANT be broke an unemployed because shareholders and porky can never take one for the team (unlike us disposable poors).
I can't afford rent anywhere, even in the tiny hick town I grew up in with literally NOTHING to do outside my shitty job, so that rules out getting out and meeting people, I never met anyone in college and all my childhood friends have forgotten about me. Sure, I can go to a place where there are things to do, but it's a 40 minute drive to the small city....and I have no friends so that really limits things. I'd love to move into a West Coast City or NYC, but those are absurdly expensive, but it also seems like that's where everyone is that I could be compatible with. Ironic, the cities that are supposedly good havens for misfits and outcasts are the most attractive to investors and thus have the highest property values.
I know I can't give up, I want to have friends, I want to live somewhere nice and do dumb webcomic-y stuff. But I can't help but think that said life has been stolen from me by wall street to feed porky's unending hunger. I'm still going to try to leave, so for people who are in these situations, what have you done to pull yourself out and if you're a 20-something in bumfuck nowhere, how the hell do you meet friends?
While it's not my favorite city (the transit's not great and that's essential for me) I know the philadelphia music scene is fantastic. Punk and hardcore especially have a lasting place in Philly
You're further along than I was and still am. I'm also living in the middle of nowhere with no degree whatsoever and making my living as a tradesman/farmer. A lot of what held me back in my 20's were mental health issues with my adhd being so bad that I could never get anything done. Medication helped to let me do what I wanted and made concentrating on my goals that much better.
But my situation is a little different because I'm content living with my family and dating here and there. Our family network is huge so every other day is like a family reunion for us, and community is so big that everyone in my town is like an extended family member. But I'd say different forms of social media might help you to meet people from outside your area without having to put down a lot of money. Once you get out a job, you'd probably do well finding a social group somewhere. That might require driving out to the small city. Apps like Meetme are mixed but good places to start.
Maybe look at a hobby you have and try to network with other people through that. For me it was sports and I joined local gyms that led me to making the friend group I have now.
Also don't worry too much about relationships. This probably says more about me, but relationships carry a lot of drama in your 20's and can be incredibly taxing. Don't jump on the first person that seems interested. Take your time to avoid the worst outcome.
What's preventing you from doing dumb webcomic-y stuff in your childhood bedroom?
Probably the cycle of depression that comes with being stuck at home with westoid parents.
I'm kind of in the same boat myself. I'm 36, never left home, dropped out of college due to suicidal depression, social anxiety, self-hatred, and severe, mostly-untreated ADHD (until recently). I'm obese, I've had expensive dental problems due to depressive self-neglect, suffered foot and knee damage from the shitty retail and grocery jobs and a cycling injury, and been in and out of therapy for roughly two decades. Been on and off various antidepressants, taking an ADHD drug that works for me, finally, and more recently getting ADHD-specific therapy and even group social skills training via Zoom to figure out exactly what the fuck I was doing wrong. (Turns out patience, gauging appropriate topics, and finding a properly-tuned level of interest to express was a lot of it, also getting control of my emotions.)
After the absolute horror of 2020 working amongst entitled old white shitheads in a hoity-toity grocery store, with people who came in every day during the pathetically short lockdown we had, making me sick with COVID in November of that year, I finally decided I'd had enough and started seriously looking for new jobs. My brother was able to get me one at the car franchise he works at, doing clerical work in the signing office. It's the easiest and highest-paying job I've ever had, and only further reinforces the respect I have for bottom-rung menial laborers, and disdain for soft-handed managerial types. Even got a small raise recently.
Thing is, even with my new income, I still have a mountain of medical/credit card debt that is crushing me with interest. My FICO score keeps wobbling down below the threshold where those balance transfer cards will even look at me, my credit card company pretty much tells me to go fuck myself when I try to work something out, and my mom has offered to pay off the debt for me in exchange for consistently paying her back... but I'm so anxious and depressed and paranoid that I'm afraid I'll lose my job or some shit and be unable to pay her back, and I'm too ashamed of myself to accept it anyway. Looking for an apartment is out of the question; my experience has been pretty consistent, namely searching for apartments within like 50 miles, seeing that the cheapest ones are like 90% of my income, feeling bad, and closing the browser.
I'm trying to build myself up, psychologically, and undo all the damage that emotional neglect and rejection trauma and social isolation have done to me, find some way to become attractive enough to people, personally, to try dating, and dig up the corpses of my dreams that I let self-loathing kill for me. At the same time, I'm desperate to find some way to make extra money. I've been getting lots of compliments on my voice and even killing it at karaoke of late. I bought a mic to try training my voice and finding my strengths and weaknesses, and enjoying the experience of liking something about myself, without reservations, for the first time in my life. So I'd like to get into doing voice work of some sort, to make some extra scratch. I'm a decent enough writer, though I've never believed in myself enough to write something more than a few times. But I've considered exploring how lucrative doing paid erotic commissions for furries, because I know people who've earned some money doing that, and earned praise for, well, just writing weird furry porn myself.
I'm also exhausted, shivering from the horrendous anxiety I've suffered at work the past two days due to poor sleep, and have a bit of a tendency to rant. TLDR version:
How the fuck can I make some extra money while still having enough energy to work on personal growth and trying to seriously pursue my dreams for the first time, all while dealing with executive dysfunction so bad it has destroyed my life before now?
Also not sure how I feel about this topic being the thing that makes me finally transition from being a lurker to a poster on a real communist internet shitposting internet board for shitposting. You guys seem pretty nice. Hope I'm not coming on too strong with this shit.
How the fuck can I make some extra money while still having enough energy to work on personal growth and trying to seriously pursue my dreams for the first time, all while dealing with executive dysfunction so bad it has destroyed my life before now?
I hate to be doomer but capitalism is not built for this to be possible. Some people are well off enough that they can pursue their goals without needing extra money, or even working at all, and a few people are just built different and can take the stress.
I don't really want to tell you want to do, but I'd take the offer from your mom. It does suck that you're in that position at all, but she will almost certainly be more understanding of your position than banks/credit card companies, and it'll help your credit. I wouldn't have been able to take the path I did without the support of my parents either.
Also, depending on the nature of the debt, many hospitals will help you manage the debt or at least lay off as long as you're attempting to pay. I've heard of people mailing a dollar every month just to fulfill that requirement. YMMV though.Also also, please get advice from other people because I definitely don't have enough experience to give life advice lol
Also not sure how I feel about this topic being the thing that makes me finally transition from being a lurker to a poster
You should feel like an honest and nuanced and interesting person, because you are.
Focus on something you like to do that's productive, art/writing/music/crafts of any kind. It helps you feel a bit better to produce something, even if it doesn't get you out of your financial situation.
I'm currently in a similar boat, though not with family but an ex. I help out with rent as much as I can and we don't hate each other so it's not too terrible, but I also am looking for a way to move out.
It seems very difficult, as my credit is fucked so getting an apartment is basically impossible. Looking into finding a roommate somewhere is basically what I'm doing atm, don't know I can't focus on it too much or I also get pretty depressed.
I don't have much practical advice because my life is a mess and I only have a job and an apartment out of pure luck, but I'm upset you're feeling this way and you shouldn't feel ashamed of yourself. You're a valuable person and I think you're cool and thoughtful.
and if you’re a 20-something in bumfuck nowhere, how the hell do you meet friends?
that's the thing, you don't.
same here except I don't even work. I hope I can get disability for mental illness (depression/anxiety) but I'm afraid to even try
I'm talking about provincial government disability (in Canada), I don't think lawyers can help with that
I really recommend the old fashioned way. Just hang out in a bar for like two to three hours a day. Drink like, two beers while you are there but do it everyday. If you don't meet anyone at the bar (spoilers you will) you can at least get to know the bartenders. Will they be chuds or libs? Yup. But mostly their politics will be incoherent. But you don't care. Don't talk politics, it's a brain disease. Just talk TV or funny internet shit, everybody likes that.
Over time it will let you meet all kinds of people and that is how you expand your social circle. Go to events that the bar holds, do the drawings, etc. Honestly it's the only way I know to find community outside a church.
I'm around your age but in Chicago. Not as much clout as the west coast but there's still lots of people and cool scenes. I pay $900/m for my own 2br in a reasonably nice neighborhood. Two people would be real cramped but it'd be doable on min wage. Usually is cheaper with more people in large apartments. I've seen apartments as low as $700 in bad neighborhoods, and co-op housing, just a room basically, for like 4-5 hundred a month. Remember also that min wage in cities is often higher than out in the sticks. It's $15.40 here.
Moving's expensive and finding roommates is a huge pain. I guess there are probably Facebook groups for finding roommates. I hope you can do it.
Id love to move to Chicago but my girlfriend doesn't want to be far from our families. Also she's worried about the city because of its reputation as dangerous. How bad is it really? When I went it was way more comfortable than NYC or SF.
In terms of violence, not dangerous at all. I've lived in poor neighborhoods (last vet was across the street from o block) and nobody gave me shit. Never been mugged although I'm sure I know somebody who has. Catalytic converter thieves (I hear these guys are armed now :( ) and porch pirates are common but that's not very different from other cities.
I get the sense that, especially as a newcomer, you'd have to specifically seek out gangs and get involved in order to be in danger. There's only a couple shooting hotspots and they're in poor neighborhoods with nothing to do and little transit access, so you probably won't be there anyway. (Put another way: the conditions in majority of city are good enough that a few sacrifice neighborhoods can be totally ignored except when they're politically useful.) The news cycle stories about it somehow being dangerous downtown are ludicrous. Your comfort level may vary, esp depending on how you present, but as a tall young white guy I feel comfortable being almost anywhere in the city late at night unarmed.
When I lived in Woodlawn (edge of a "bad" neighborhood) I heard gunshots maybe once a month, but since I'm not involved in gang stuff it's essentially random violence from my perspective. No reasonable precautions available, and by the numbers not risky enough to care about. I feel safer hearing gunshots from up in an apartment - now I'm on the ground floor - but if you're getting shot through the wall you've won a terrible lottery ticket. I now live in a cheap west side neighborhood and have heard gunshots once in six months. If you live in wicker park or old town or something you probably won't ever hear gunshots.
A word on transit: I ran the numbers last year for some internet fight. Over a 40 year commute to work, car vs red line, you're more likely to get in a serious car accident than you are to be mugged or hurt on the train. It's very safe, especially if you're commuting at the same time as everybody else. Late at night you might see some guys smoking pot.
I'm a big guy so I'm not too worried about being out at night either. My girlfriend on the other hand is very short and from a small town, so the idea of living in Chicago is troubling to her. For some reason she has no problem with DC, but from what I understand DC has more muggings and theft than Chicago.
My female friends don't like to take transit at night, which I think is a shame. Catcalls or harassment seems more likely than muggings and people don't like feeling vulnerable. Maybe she'd feel better after a visit, idk. Especially looking around one of the nice residential neighborhoods.
I'm trying to coax her into a trip, partially because I need to go back. I was only there for 3 days, and I spent most of my time at the MSI and Field Museum. As you said, I think if she saw some of the pretty, increasingly gentrified north side neighborhoods she'd see that it's no different than where we are/where she's been.
Also holy christ for a city as nice and connected as it is housing is so cheap. I'm sorry I'm bombarding you with questions about Chicago rn, this is the last one. How are the bike lanes/biking generally? I saw there's a project to add new ones and add more barriers, but when I was there a lot of the lanes were all painted on. This was in the Loop though. I can't drive so being able to bike and take the L around the city and have it actually get me places sounds incredible.
Hey no worries, you can also post in /c/chicago if you want more responses. This isn't from first-hand experience because I've never had a bike in the city but I think it's mixed. Some places don't have bike lanes, some places do, some places actually have protected bike lanes. I have a few friends who bike to get around and most of them have had at least one near-crash with a car, if not an actual accident. From the driver's seat, the vast majority of bike lanes I see are painted.
IMO transit is usually pretty good but you'll want to make sure that your work and regular activities are in compatible locations with where you live. Basically, directly N/S/E/W or along the L. Buses run along the city grid and are slower and less frequent than trains. The L is laid out in big spokes sticking out from the loop. Imagine you're trying to go from the west side to the northeast. Your two choices:
- take one train in to the loop and then one out to the north. Unnecessary travel distance.
- take one bus north, and then one bus east. Grid city so there aren't any diagonal streets going the way you want. Unnecessary distance traveled, and also buses are slow.
The CTA has gotten markedly worse since the pandemic created a bunch of staffing issues. Because they don't want to admit the scale of the problem, many buses and trains just don't show up when scheduled. This makes multi-step transit trips EXTREMELY annoying, because one ghost bus might mess up the timing on the rest of the trip. When I lived on the south side near the green line, I didn't want a car. Now that I'm on the west side and have lots of friends to the north I got a car rather than suffer a 1h+ trip every time we hang out or bleed money to rideshare alls. Of course I still take transit downtown and when I want to have a few drinks.
If there's something going on in that small city that looks interesting don't be afraid to go alone. Dress decent and smile and people will probably talk to you. I wouldn't recommend drinking if you have to drive that far though. Otherwise I would recommend joining your nearest gym. It isn't a great strategy but you might meet people and you can work out in the meantime.
I would also try to find a better gig and an apartment somewhere closer to civilization. I don't really have any advice on that front but keep on trying.
In a similar situation, and I really do feel you. Plenty of advice here, so I'll just offer some empathy. Much love :meow-hug:
See if they have any community events at your local library(s), like tabletop/board game groups if you're into that sort of thing!
I don't know what kind of degree you have, but would you consider leaving the US? Maybe a working holiday visa could be a viable option? It would at least give you a break from your hometown and if you find an opportunity in the other country, you could maybe apply for a different class of visa and stay longer.
Sadly the US government doesn't like bilateral temporary migration treaties so US citizens can't do working holidays in places like canada.
Yeahh. It's wild, the US doesn't offer working holidays, so countries that do don't allow US citizens to take them.
Fuuuck, way to trap the population and keep them ignorant of how things are elsewhere.
Might try the peace corp with his degree. Or enlisting in the military without.
