Ok, at risk at sounding like a boomer, let me preface by mentioning a couple of things: I am in my mid 30's, and I have always hated cell phones. I hated them when they first came out, I hate them now, and I will always hate them into the future. I hate the expectation that I should be available all of the time, and I haven't owned one for about a decade.
With that out of the way ...
I was at a (Canadian) Thanksgiving dinner last night. My friend had prepared a very nice dinner for all of us, and a few people brought their own offerings. They were all from a political group that is active on a local campus, so a couple of the people that attended were pretty young.
They spent about half the night staring into their cell phones, at the dinner table where our host had spent hours preparing a nice meal for all of us.
Is this considered "normal" now? I was always under the impression that cell phones should not be used at the dinner table, let alone at a fucking Thanksgiving meal. This is not behaviour that I would allow from my child let alone a fully grown adult.
Am I just old now, and is this now acceptable? Am I just being an old curmudgeon?
Boring answer: I've met both younger people who very consciously frown upon phone use, and also older people who couldn't care less. So it varies and isn't necessarily generational. With how fast phones were introduced it makes sense that their cultural norms are messy
Yeah that's a good point. My dad has complained about a couple people at his old-timey-folks gatherings that can't seem to put their phones away for five god damned minutes.
I don't think its "boomer" to point out how the normalization of smartphone usage is overall contributing to alienation in capitalist society, and generally pretty harmful to healthy social habits.
I hate the expectation that I should be available all of the time
I'm a younger millennial and I hate this shit too. Humans aren't built to be so immediately connected to everyone and everything all the time, and the expectations modern society puts on us there are wildly unreasonable. I have a mild anxiety attack anytime I get a phone call (or even a text!) from a number I don't recognize, because any number of state, scam or collectors agencies can just instantly demand your attention at any time of day, 24/7/365.
When I did have a cell phone I would get angry that it would beep at me all the time when I was trying to focus on something else.
So people told me to just put it on silent, so I did.
Then people got upset with me that I was taking too long to respond, because I wasn't hearing notifications.
So then, I got rid of it entirely and I never looked back.
I did pick up a pinephone a few months ago because I felt like I could actually trust a proper linux phone and not have it spy on me, but it's basically just an mp3 player that takes shitty pictures and I never put in an SMS card.
I think as cell phone culture has evolved a lot of people have realized that it’s not cool to get mad at someone for not immediately responding to them unless it’s an actual emergency.
scam calls can be fun if you play with them though for instance try and convince them that you also are a scam caller
As a youth, I stand by you. Phone bad. I had a moment recently where I received a very emotional letter from my grandfather and it made me start weeping uncontrollably in my apartment. I had been very numb and stressed for a while, and that spike of pure love and sadness just broke me, which only got worse when I realized that I was alone in my room, and that the people walking up the stairs could definitely hear me but don't care because the modern world has destroyed any sense of community empathy we have left. The whole moment compelled me to start calling my once close friends who I hadn't spoken to in a while and tell them how much I love them and how much they matter, but the second I picked up my phone all the emotion just left my body. Phones are like a neurological pacifier that give us an artificial sense of comfort we need to give up. Phone bad.
My social life was dramatically worse basically right after I got a smartphone. The problem is, once I look up from my phone, everyone else is buried in theirs. It's like living in The Matrix a little bit. No, it's not just you who is a bit luddite about this, I'm 26.
This battle was lost years ago. Another decisive L for the etiquette gatekeepers alongside wearing hats indoors and untucking your shirt.
I think it is a sign of rampant social anxiety in the population. I know a ton of people who get mad anxiety talking on the phone, even more from talking in person with people they don't know well.
I don't really want to excuse it because people who suck at communicating are going to have a diminished quality of life overall - so it's similar to my stance on addictions; combat it where possible while not blaming the victim and instead being supportive of them.
And then some people are just rude/self-absorbed and they can kick rocks.
Because sound quality over the phone is terrible. I can’t make out what the other person is saying at all.
I understand frustration with the medium, but anxiety? Everyone I'm referring to clearly cites anxiety.
Internet addiction is the most undiagnosed addiction in the world tbh, none of that was all that suprsing tbh
I understand the frustration. In more settings that are more formal I do try to keep from taking my phone out, but if I"m out with some family, I don't care if they whip it out, se see each other relatively frequently anyway that checking something or playing a game while waiting isn't the worst thing. Usually just bringing up a conversation they can partake in is effective enough at keeping them engaged.
Now shit like air pods are annoying. At work in healthcare I see nurses and CNAs wearing them and it actually bugs me. People talking on the phone with someone as they're doing patient care, listening to music, holding conversations in the common areas where it's very easy to confuse it for them trying to talk to you. It's a patient safety issue if you're listening to music and can't hear someone calling for help, and it comes off as just exceptionally rude, especially to 70+ year olds if you're on the phone with your significant other or friends as you're in their room helping them wash up.
my family has a mkae fun off the person on the phone rule and after people stopped it really did liven up family gatherings. being on your phone while talking to someone results in disinterested and flat conversation at best
Usually just bringing up a conversation they can partake in is effective enough at keeping them engaged.
Things are different with family, but I couldn't imagine having even a close friend where I felt like I had to fight for their attention like this at mutual gatherings
E: But then I suppose they shouldn't be in a spot where they felt like the ongoing conversation was totally excluding them anyway, so I'm not sure I can be even a little mad at your comment
I'm sub thirty and the always-in airpods annoy the hell out of me. I'm used to a time when you leave someone alone if they're listening to music unless its important, now people come up to you with earbuds in, how can I tell they can actually hear me?
If you're not actively listening to music, just pull them out.
I know my retired father is a phone addict.
Personally a few years older than the campus activists and a few years younger than OP, and I'll never just sit there staring at a phone during a conversation or meal. I can do that any time, might as well see if the sentient goo sacks covering these skeletons have anything I can learn or find amusement from.
social interaction stresses some people out and they use their phones to escape for a bit. I try to understand that and be tolerant, just making an effort to direct the conversation towards them and their interests periodically.
I have to go to a Halloween party that's only going to have 8 people there and I'm going to feel so fucking awkward and anxious all night and it's going to be a huge struggle to not get on my phone to avoid conversation. I really don't want to go but my partner is like "you're going" because except for one of the hosts her friends haven't met me and joke that I'm a multi-year ruse/nonexistent boyfriend
I'd be a little less anxious if I weren't currently unemployed because idk how I'm going to respond if that comes up, since she doesn't want me to tell anyone because "she'll get shit for it" but i'm a bad liar
You're a social media personality on a niche leftist website.
if I weren’t currently unemployed because idk how I’m going to respond if that comes up
It's unlikely to. I actually really like my job and I like talking about it but when I try to bring it up people are visibly disinterested lol.
Don't worry about it :shrug-outta-hecks:
Yeah, this is it for me. And I hate doing it because I know it can be perceived as being rude, but I just can't help it:ohnoes:
the parties i go to dont have anyone in their early 20s, and i dont see that happen as much with people in their mid-30s. but i have nieces who are like 6 years old and theyve been holding an ipad for years already.
it used to be that everyone had to leave the house because the house was boring and TV had 4 channels. now there are so many ways to "entertain" ourselves we don't have to leave the house.
if someone was literally on their phone all night, id call them out. but also, our monkey brains love those screens. you probably just had bad luck and got some socially anxious people who managed to drag themselves out. engage them in conversation somehow.
I did actually call them out for it lol. I was too drunk to remember what their reaction was but I think they either ignored me (because whatever was on their stupid screens was of course more important than their immediate surroundings) or just rolled their eyes.
then try the second option, engage them in conversation. if that fails, pretend they are furniture(cause they are at that point)
I don't think it's an age thing, because I've seen boomers do it and I've seen young people do like I do, where I put my phone away and apologize if I'm with people and I pop it out to acknowledge / deal with a notification "sorry, some time sensitive shit at work" or "sorry, elderly family" or whatever.
people who are on their phone the whole time at a small social gathering / huddled around a table are probably on some compulsive shit and teasing them about is probably going to go over like telling someone to stop biting their nails. I'm not saying don't do it or that they don't deserve it (light em up!), just be ready for them to not appreciate your intervention.
I'm saying, when you call them out with something creative ("put your toys away, babies"), they're going to come back with something like a "fuck you." so you'll want a follow up that is even stronger than your opening salvo ("You motherfuckers, so help me Christ, I am going to jam my thumb in your fucking eye!" [slams both fists into green bean casserole]).
The way to "call these people out" isn't to point out the rudeness, but rather ask a question that will draw them back in to the present moment. It might be cheesy, but having some prepped questions ready can go a long way. People are just looking for engagement, and if the natural course of the conversation isn't providing that, dropping a canned question can bring them back in.
Why call them out period? Who gives a shit if someone wants to bury themselves in their phone. People have free will and it's weird that people care so much about what others are doing. Just ignore them if them "ignoring others" bothers people so much.
in situations like sitting down for a thanksgiving dinner someone spent hours preparing for you, it is polite to show someone respect and appreciation for using their free will to do something nice for you. the same goes for most situations in which people use their free will to spend time with you
do you typically sit around and talk to those people while you eat?
that's weird to me I would be embarresed to eat without talking to the person who made my food.
i kinda feel the same way personally; i also know that a lot of people view eating as a communal thing and would like to have a nice conversation and just connect with the people they care about
Why would people go out of their way to go to a small social event when they can stay on their phone at home.
It's baffling to see this "people have free will, just ignore them" shit on a forum where 50% of the posts are calling out otherwise chud behaviour. To top it all off, this isn't about what they should or shouldn't do, it's that the OP themselves feels bad for them doing it, the actions are not bad in a vacuum. If one of your friends was really bugged or hurt by some thing that to you was mundane would your reply be "free will brah"?
