Lately I have been trying to get myself to go out more often. I have been going to a few meetup groups with other people in my city to try to get myself to socialize a bit more, because I have a really hard time with it. They have all gone fine and I have had a good time, but something that I have noticed is that nearly everyone, at least in these situations, just want to talk about their job. Many of them would literately not talk about anything else at all. I'll even attempt to try to talk about something else, but the conversation always goes back to them talking about their job. I'm fine with telling people about what I do for work and what not, but I swear nearly everyone at these meetups just wanted to talk about their job. Personally, the last thing I want to talk about in a casual conversation is talk about my job, but it seems like the complete opposite for everyone else. The organizer of one of these meetups even asked people to try to talk about things not work work related and people still did anyways. There were several people even networking one one of these meetups, even when they were told not to?
It's not that I don't want people to talk about their jobs, especially if they enjoy it. I just feel like my work isn't interesting at all, so I don't have a lot to say about it to other people. I don't know if talking about your job is just a common thing for other people my age and I am just stubborn about it cause Autism and what not, or if I am actually frustrated that I have a hard time adding to those conversations. It makes me feel really dumb when other people are having these conversations and I have no idea what to say, and feeling like I can't connect with anyone at all. It happened so much at the last meetup that I almost felt too stupid to talk to other people and just sat around a lot trying to find someone not talking about their job. Is this just a normal thing for most people that I need to get used to?
are you american? that's pretty standard for neurotypical and neurotypical masking circles. everyone you don't know is going to get filtered through the "what do you do for work?" question. it's not that uncommon to get asked that even in more queer and neurodivergent circles, but significantly less so. it's treated as both like an establishment of hierarchy (which is generally to be gracefully set aside by most people, once established) and a means to quickly assess someone's likely social circles and norms. people who suck do, and people who mean well also do it. american life is so centered on getting sold for labor that different cliques use work as a general compass by which to navigate social life and evaluate opinions of others.
Yea I am. This is common in college too. Club meetings would sometimes just be an hour of everyone venting about their job and nothing else. I'm very aware of how stressful that life can be but god I hated sitting in silence so much cause I didn't know what to say.
Yes, pretty common. It takes up close to half of our waking hours (oh god oh god
)I guess closer to a third when taking away weekends.
it's basically low level small talk.
also i think the vast majority of people stress about their job in some capacity outside of work, especially since i think just about everyone is grossly overworked to an overwhelming level these days
so it's a way to blow off steam too, sort of empathically share in the misery
That all makes sense. I just hate talking about things that stress me out so talking about work can be really hard..
Im sure it’s a good way to get to know people. My job is just not interesting so it’s difficult for me to say a lot about it.
It is unfortunately very normal. If people talk too much about their job I look for a way to exit the conversation. Talk to me about something interesting or I'm gone.
I think it's only normal to talk about your job if you're either talking to new people, or if it's a new job and therefore a new experience for you.
Its common small talk and a convo people start to do social gauging as others in this thread have said. You don't always have to respond to every conversation, just listening is ok and if something catches your ear you can ask more.
The level of focus on it that you describe sounds bizarre to me. I can see shooting the shit about how much our jobs suck maybe once.
I was confused too which is why I asked. I even talked to the organizer of this specific meetup and he told me that he has been frustrated for the past few that it was such a common conversation. He even asked people in the chat to try to come up with other conversation topics before this most recent meetup and it didn't really do much. It sucks because many of these people were actually really nice I was just unable to hold a conversation with any of them for very long.
When first getting to know each other, talking about your job is normal. You’re learning about the other person and vice versa.
Venting about bullshit at work is also normal.
Celebrating BIG achievements at work is also normal.
But talking about Sarah doing this or Joe doing something funny or how many tickets you got left. No that’s not normal. That’s annoying as shit. It is common though.
Yes, it's all people talk about. It's fucking awful.
Wage war on neurotypical culture. Make it stop. I'm so fucking tired hearing about work
Most conversations generally fall into four categories:
Work
Kids
The last vacation you had
The last good meal you had.
If you don't have kids, like me, or if you don't go on vacation, it's very limiting. You can sub out vacation for whatever interesting thing you've done recently. I'd say keep the job talk mostly to a minimum, unless the person You're talking to is in the same line of work. People love to commiserate about bad jobs or bosses. I feel like there's a line though. People don't really want to hear other people talk about something they can't relate to, and complaining about work/coworkers too much can come off as negative.
The real answer is don't overthink it. I am also very socially awkward and I find if I just force myself to act like people expect, the ice gets broken, and I can let my guard down.
Today, I got thrown into a situation at work where I had to explain an aspect of a job to a new person who I hadn't even been introduced to. I just started doing the task, then when I couldn't bear the weight of the awkwardness of having not yet introduced myself but giving direction, I just got it over with. Our next interaction went fine.
Actually, two new people started today and the other one is very outgoing. He just kind of let me hop in on a conversation without a formal introduction, and that went well.
It's weird, because I'm so awkward in my head, but I'm generally well liked. I'm polite, and I don't dominate conversations, and can usually come up with something interesting or something in common with just about anyone.
I always ask people what do you do for fun that's not work related and get far more interesting convos
Unless of course you get the nerd that's reading philosophy still haven't figured that one out yet
