Sorry for the vent post just needed to get this off my chest in writing somewhere. Let me know if I need more trigger warnings I don't want to stir up these emotions in other people.
Ever year its the same shit. Every year I have to drive 15hrs to Texas just to put on a happy face and act like I enjoy being around :grillman: types making the same 5 jokes for 6 hours.
Its just so isolating being around the same family that was responsible for so much trauma in both my mom's life and mine. I mean my grandparents beat the shit out of all their children and my uncle regularly sat on my chest to strangle me while the rest of my family watched but I'm supposed to act cordially to these people? Nah man don't act like I'm supposed to like you fuckers.
Starting to think I'll use an excuse to tell them I wont be coming again, cause this shit is way too mentally draining. I know its family but I genuinely detest being around them. Sometimes I wonder if this is a southern white thing as we have always been such a disconnected family compared to my minority friends who regularly interact and spend time with their family.
Other people feel like this right? The holidays are generally very stressful for other people too right?
Again sorry for the vent its gotta go somewhere though
I cut my mom off about 5 years ago and it's been great, I regularly tell my sister she should follow suit.
Repeat after me, " My boss wouldn't let me have the day off"
You avoid responsibility and blame capitlaism. It is win/win
im not a parent but trust me when i say they will 100% remember doing that stuff later in life and think fondly of it
Seconded on this, They'll very much think fondly of those moments.
:yea:
The power dynamics shift with age, and sometimes older family members won't adjust to you asserting yourself as their equal.
I've tried two approaches to family gatherings: keeping my mouth shut, and refusing to back down well past the point where I'm shouting at them.
After a decade of trying the quiet way, I prefer the shouting. It's really helped to establish seriousness about, "Stop trying to repair my relationship with the family fascist, you lib."
I lost all my conservative family members when I came out, and my liberal family members chose me over them. So holidays are mostly tolerable. Dad's unhappy that I like China, and my uncle still thinks my city got burned down in 2020, but as an adult I don't get to see them enough otherwise.
my uncle still thinks my city got burned down in 2020
wait what
Big protests that took place within a few city blocks = "your whole town burned down, right?"
Or Minneapolis. Or Seattle. Or literally any major city in a blue state
I think if you really don't want to go, skip it. 15 hrs is a fuckin haul
If it’s Texas conservatives the Covid excuse may not work. Hell, several of em will probably have it too, as well as their sick kids and will show up anyway coughing on everyone
i like it but my family isn't a bunch of abusive assholes. you're 100% justified in avoiding it
It's not just a white thing, in India a lot of my friends had fucked up relationships with their family. Some people have most of their family living in the same apartment complex and a lot of drama comes out of that
I know it makes me a weird freak but my immediate family Thanksgiving group is chill and we usually have a lovely time
You have no obligation to consider anyone family, family is something you get to choose
I cut ties with most of my family a few years ago. There were good moments with them but they didn't make up for all the bad, and it was a constant miserable shitshow whenever we were in the same room. It was liberating for me.
Love and solidarity comrade :stalin-heart:
Really fun as a kid. My cousins and I would throw potatoes that my aunt hung in the basement at aluminum cans and we called it the “magic potato game”. After dinner we went up to our cousin’s old room and tell scary stories in the dark. But it was really just a way to make each other laugh.
It lasted until I was maybe 20. Basically that side of the family fell apart through growing apart or family fights.
My first thanksgiving away from home was super depressing. I was like the only person left in the dorms and just sat by myself eating a hot pocket. Then the next year I made friends and had a Friendsgiving with a lot of people. Nowadays my long term girlfriend and I make a traditional feast together or we have a Friendsgiving. Thanksgiving is too close to Christmas and I don’t have the money to travel that frequently. So basically I love the holiday again. I would hate to see my dad’s side for thanksgiving because of all the fights but I think my mom’s side would be fun if they did anything.
My family isn’t nearly as bad as yours but I’m using covid as an excuse not to go. The food isn’t that great either.
the sides are always the best part. my grandma always makes a dry turkey/chicken (love you grandma) but the best stuffing and mashed potatoes in the world.
