As a hamburgler, I'm incompatible with officer bigmacs. They represent order and rigid personalities while I'm a believer in chaotic good and having fun. If you looked at me you'd immediately know I'm a stereotypical hamburgler through-and-through. Every morning I wake up and look at the sesame seeds on my breakfast hamburger to know what my day is going to be like. It's going to be a real shit day.

    • happybadger [he/him]
      hexagon
      ·
      2 years ago

      You didn't even need to say that. I could sense it from your energy. Hamburglers are very perceptive and empathetic.

    • happybadger [he/him]
      hexagon
      ·
      2 years ago

      Grimaces are slow-witted while I'm actually an indigo hamburgler with an IQ of 145. It's very easy for me to think about various things such as quantum mechanics and the meaning of life.

      • UlyssesT [he/him]
        ·
        2 years ago

        Grimaces are slow-witted

        We Grimaces are cautious thinkers. Fucking Hamburglars. :disgost:

        • happybadger [he/him]
          hexagon
          ·
          2 years ago

          When I compare myself to a Grimace, I find that I'm always better. I'm smarter, I'm faster, people like me, I'd be good at guitar, everyone I know says "wow you're so smart and fast and creative compared to everyone I've ever met". A Grimace on the other hand, I instantly know that person is beneath me. They were destined to fail.

          • UlyssesT [he/him]
            ·
            2 years ago

            There will be a reckoning someday.

            You will whimper "Robble Robble" on your knees, and I will look down and say, "No." :twisted:

          • ElGosso [he/him]
            ·
            2 years ago

            My takeaway here is that "Hamburglar" is really just a dogwhistle for "cocaine user"

    • happybadger [he/him]
      hexagon
      ·
      2 years ago

      The infinity symbol is Norse. A lot of people don't give the McDonalds mythology the credit it deserves, but there are so many ancient traditions represented in it. This isn't "Mystic calvinball for white women alienated from a sense of culture". It's the continuation of an intellectual lineage stretching back centuries. It wouldn't have survived that long unless it was all true.

    • happybadger [he/him]
      hexagon
      ·
      2 years ago

      Mac Tonights are known for being creative but also staunch traditionalists. I could see a Mac Tonight saying the n-word. They're all that kind of person.

    • Lussy [any]
      ·
      2 years ago

      how else would you explain irl racism?

    • happybadger [he/him]
      hexagon
      ·
      2 years ago

      It's a very disruptive force. Sometimes my hamburger charts don't reflect reality and I have to go back and do extensive research. Without fail the McRib will have been launched sometime in the past year. Factor that in and the predictions are always true.

  • UlyssesT [he/him]
    ·
    2 years ago

    All the eccentric mastermind geniuses are Ronalds. There's entire :reddit-logo: subs dedicated to Ronalds congratulating each other for being mastermind geniuses.

    • happybadger [he/him]
      hexagon
      ·
      2 years ago

      Ronalds are very arrogant and narcissistic. Whenever I'm around one they demand to be the centre of attention. It makes my vibrations go haywire until I'm the centre of attention again. They disgust me.

      • UlyssesT [he/him]
        ·
        2 years ago

        Grimaces like me don't get along with Ronalds. :disgost:

    • Asa_the_Red [he/him]
      ·
      edit-2
      2 years ago

      When I heard the learn’d McDonalder,

      When the lettuce, the tomatoes, were ranged in burgers before me,

      When I was shown the ketchup and mustard, to add, divide, and measure them,

      When I sitting heard the McDonalder where he cooked with much applause in the kitchen,

      How soon unappatizable I became tired and sick,

      Till rising and grilling out I wander’d off by myself,

      In the McMystical greasy night-air, and from time to time,

      Look’d up in perfect silence at neon signs.

    • happybadger [he/him]
      hexagon
      ·
      2 years ago

      I've never met a Mayor McCheese who wouldn't be a fascist if you gave them power. They're so untrustworthy and opportunistic- genuinely born liars.

    • happybadger [he/him]
      hexagon
      ·
      2 years ago

      The whole universe has been out of whack since the McRib came back. It injects so much dark energy and disrupts the natural cycle. I have to make entirely new hamburger charts every time it's debuted.

      • nat_turner_overdrive [he/him]
        ·
        2 years ago

        I shudder to think of the children who were born when mcrib was in exaltation. The future is bleak!