I did not expect this this post of mine to attract as many people minimising SA as it did. Bit of a downer, yeah.
For the past few weeks there have been multiple people on here really showing their asses by upvoting or commenting outright incel shit on various posts. This has convinced me that Hexbear needs another fucking purge.
i feel like tensions about dating and romance have really begun boiling up the past few years in general. there was a short period a few years ago where i thought incel-ism was dying out as an identity, but these days it seems bigger than its ever been
I've found myself asking a whole lot more frequently this past couple months "how the fuck did something like this get so much traction here" against outright incellish and/or racist bullshit.
I’d like to blame it on federation, but it feels homegrown tbh
anecdotally browsing by active I'm seeing a lot more new names around than I used to. People who weren't here for all the past struggle sessions
Ngl, there’s been a lot of iffy shit over the last couple months that have been making me rethink being here. If it weren’t for the absolute amazing trans community, I probably would’ve left. A portion of the men on this site make me horrendously uncomfortable and really are just solidifying why I will probably never date or hook up with a man even though I’m pan. Men terrify me now.
I’m gonna try and do this next time that shit happens. As noted, it makes me uncomfortable and I kinda just lose all sense about what to do in the moment. So I tend to just try and ignore the thread after I see what’s going on so to avoid the severe discomfort I feel.
yeah a lot of people used to talk about SV a lot just off the cuff in jokes and news and memes and i think over time ive been able to get people to realize this isnt ok and now most posts are properly tagged, though i do usually end up reporting one or two each week, particularly from newcomers and fediverse people.
it is generally kinda wild how cis men often have no comprehension about why so many women avoid a wide swathe of internet spaces and activities
Thankfully the mods are good people and things like this are usually dealt with pretty quickly
So fucked up how common it is for guys to just go to bat for an entirely hypothetical man in an entirely hypothetical scenario rather than just listen to a woman's concerns about how they don't feel safe around men they don't know. I really cast a side eye on any man or masculine presenting person who just wants to dismiss women's concerns the way some of those people did. They're a tiny minority of people there, but the fact that they're here at all is disturbing.
This #Notallmen stuff should have no place here.
Seriously anyone who even thinks of unironically posting #Notallmen shit should reflect on the deep irony that by doing so they're just proving that they are very much part of the problem
Sorry you experienced that. I had not heard of that meme before reading that thread you linked. I'll say as an male-presenting person, it definitely doesn't feel good to have people assume that you are inherently dangerous for reasons that are out of your control. That's where the instinct to minimize comes from, I think.
But that's how it is, unfortunately. That's the consequence of living under patriarchy, and if a guy doesn't like it then they should assist in dismantling it rather than trying to dismiss its harms.
That's where the instinct to minimize comes from, I think.
Goofy-ass, ridiculous instinct. Idk where people in privileged groups get this idea that condescending to or whining at people of marginalised groups is a good idea. I think the absolute bare minimum you can do is listen to those less privileged to you. It's not like the Institution Of Maleness needs defending.
(Good comment btw, I'm just on a roll today)
Yeah, it's a knee-jerk reaction, and it's dumb as hell. Even dumber are the ones who double down after being called out. It sucks to have your feelings hurt because someone was scared of you, but the sort of fucked up shit a creepy guy can do to women is far worse. Dudes seriously putting their feelings above other people's safety, it's fucked up.
I heard a coworker today talk about almost getting kidnapped on a Tinder date, with the dude stalking her to her job and following her home. Just horrifying stuff. It's so pervasive but as a guy I don't encounter it until I hear stories like this and realize how dangerous it is out there for women and femmes alike. So, as much as I made jokes in the thread about gay bears, I get the point. It's not safe out there.
Yeah that thread was... Enlightening. Sorry you had that happen but it exposed a fair few people that need(ed) to self crit.
Thank you for being pretty pretty quick to moderate out the jerks. We love our mods, people.
have you considered just fucking off instead of doubling down?
Based on how you're acting running away from you seems like the sensible choice
You missed the whole point and continue to double down instead of learning, but go off king. You're totally the victim here.
This might be controversial but I'm gonna say it: it sucks that women/femmes are less safe than men/masc are, it sucks that this means they have to be so careful all the time about things guys don't even think about, it sucks that our society doesn't take their safety or seeking their justice seriously, and we aught to be doing something systemically to address all of those issues.
It’s wild how someone will say the words “true crime brain” and just completely black out that they just said the word “true”. Like those horrific things happened because real men did them.
true crime is often railroading and always exploitation.
that doesn't take away from #yesallwomen or give us an ability to tell who's a predator by looking but i have something very specific in mind when i hear "true crime brain" and the truth got nothing to do with it.
True crime brain is a thing though
Like even the set up of the original question is wrong, and should instead be:
Would you rather be in a forest with a bear or a man that is a friend, colleague or family member?
(The bear is overwhelmingly the better choice)
I think you've misunderstood my post?
The 'true crime brain' element is that SA and violence are much more likely to be perpetrated by a man you know than a random male stranger.
great point! the idea that the biggest threats from men are strangers is conservative (often xenophobic) true crime brain shit. i say this as a recovered true crime fan, (its an incredibly awful community of people, and it led to me getting intense panic attacks walking down the street). the much bigger threat comes from your, partner, father, uncle, brother friend, coworker ect. Which is frankly a much more terrifying reality, but its not as popular because its not conservative propaganda.
I saw your thread before and after it exploded and I am sadly not surprised. Even “left” men are still men.
Many years ago I was walking home from a nearby snack run and was tailed by a large truck with their brights on right behind me for several street blocks who then peeled out and sped away very dramatically when another car came. Tell me when a bear ever does something like that.
I saw the worst fucking takes around this in a facebook "leftist" group, so many "not all men" telling women to shut up and touch grass, because obviously talking about abuse and being mistrusting of men is "hysterical" and "permanently online". I thought I had stumbled onto 4chan by mistake.
the worst ones were probably spouting literal right-wing racist shit about immigrant men being overrepresented to le epicly troll those evil misandrist women.
fucking disgraceful
proof that an iron hand is needed to crush deeply unserious 'leftists' like this
telling women to shut up and touch grass, because obviously talking about abuse and being mistrusting of men is "hysterical" and "permanently online"
Which is ironic considering the reason women learn to be hyper vigilant is because of the real world experiences they've had.
I try to avoid talking about SA on the internet because men with fragile egos will always find it and share their horrible takes in which they are the victims. I didn’t really expect hexbear to be an exception but I’m still sad to see it confirmed
men with fragile egos will always find it and share their horrible takes in which they are the victims.
I HATE THIS.
Own what you did, fuckboys. You were monstrous. Own up to it.
I know I did vile shit when I was young, and I spent the next three quarters of my life trying to make a world that doesn't create another Me. I don't go jack myself off on social media to make myself feel better about it.
Looking forward to the next Dirt_Owl post where they talk about how they didn't expect this post talking about how guys minimise SA to draw in guys minimising SA.
Show
(On the plus side, a few more of these and hopefully it'll purge all of the misogynistic assholes from hexbear)
The Hexbear militsiya are conducting investigations as we speak, please report any suspicious activity to the Problematic Posting Bureau.
Going purely by DV statistics and rape culture, yeah I pick the bear too.
It's agonising to know that I can scare women just by existing in an area/place they don't expect. And that's not their fault, they're just protecting themselves. It's our society that has made it this way.
Yeah it's important to remember that women don't hate men when they point out SA. It's more of a "please listen to us this isn't cool" than a "fuck you you are horrible and should feel bad".
im mostly joking but unironically i think greater than 50% of men are vile and need to be forcibly de-brainwormed
My experience from interacting with men makes me agree.
If you hear something like that and feel like it is a personal attack, congratulations! You're the reason women don't feel safe walking alone at night.
Be Better.
Because you talk over people who have experienced or at risk of experiencing SV.
yeah that shit was pretty yikes. just another example of how even people who are on board with us most of the time still have serious brainworms to exorcise.
Okay, but, have you considered: what about ethics in gaming journalism? reakky makes u thikn
But more importantly have you considered the feelings of me, a white man? 
