I don't go on social media so I don't really get it but I have seen memes here and there of women getting mauled by bears presented in a "heh, serves her right" kind of way.

So weird that dudes complain that they can't get women when the message they put out there is they hate women and make images of them being brutally mauled. what-the-hell

EDIT: I did not expect to see people I trust minimise SA here. I'm disappointed, that's something I expect from a random chud blowing in from another instance, not you guys. Most of you were extremely cool in your answers, but to the one or two that weren't. Do fucking better.

  • ReadFanon [any, any]
    ·
    edit-2
    8 months ago

    There was a guy who responded to this.

    His mom was attacked by a bear and wrote a book about it. He said that she felt safer around men than around bears in response to this trend.

    Thing is though, she did an AMA on Reddit a few years back and someone trawled through the answers and found a question where she was basically asked her this exact thing. She said that she feels safer around bears than men and that she carries a gun when she goes hiking but not because of the risk of running into a bear again.

    There have been some really good responses from women defending choosing a bear. Here's a few that stuck out to me that I remember:

    [CW: assault/SA]

    "At least a bear sees me as human"

    "Nobody would ask me what I was wearing if I got attacked by a bear"

    "The worst that a bear can do is kill me"

    "If I got attacked by a bear people would believe me"

    "When I got attacked by a bear I screamed at it and it ran away, when I got attacked by a man he smiled, covered my mouth, and said that he was just going to enjoy it more"

    "A bear would only take 5 minutes"

    "A bear wouldn't kill me for pleasure"

    A lot of "defensive" men have been missing the point (shocker, I know) and they seem to think that it's a question about whether women would prefer to be attacked by one or the other, or that they are saying they'd rather be alone with a bear than any man including ones they know and trust.

    The question is very specifically worded to ask women if they would rather be alone in the woods with a bear or with a man.

    I saw one really good response from a man who clearly wasn't quite over the line with regards to women's liberation and feminist values - think a middle of the road kinda guy - and his partner asked him if his daughter was in the woods alone would he rather there be a bear or a woman in the woods. He immediately said "With a woman" almost reflexively.

    When he got posed the same question except with a bear or a man you could see him really wrestling with the question as he considered the implications and the risks. I think he settled on the bear but the point wasn't about getting him to agree with women, it was getting him to understand some of the risks that women, trans people, and femme people weigh up on a near constant basis due to the risk that men pose.

    In a similar vein, on a wild tangent, because I'm amab/masc presenting when the opportunity is right (either when there aren't women around or when a guy has escalated a discussion) I will often drop the question on them and ask what their rape plan is. Generally they squirm and have to, for the first time, think through what they would do to mitigate their risk of being raped and what they would do if they were in that situation.

    Often the answers are really poorly thought through, such as "I'd fight back" or "I wouldn't get myself into that situation" 🙄

    Sometimes it cuts through though and you can get a man to reflect on how pretty much any woman/trans person/femme person is going to have a very well developed rape plan with all sorts of strategies for mitigating the risk and how they carry these plans with them and enact them all of the time.

    Which leads into my next tangent. An autistic femme presenting person talked about their experience trying to mask to fit in due to growing up undiagnosed and how it's a response to a constant pattern of being ostracised, judged, and harassed for not fitting in but the moment that you drop the mask, people tend to respond really poorly to that so it's a real double-bind where you either compromise your needs (and often your health) to get treated badly fairly often or you don't make that compromise and you get treated badly for it.

    I jumped in the comments and said "Y'know there's a parallel here - women often report a similar double-bind where when a guy hits on them they either have to very gently and politely try to decline without coming off as being coy or they can be blunt and straight-up refuse but a blunt rejection very often gets an abusive response whereas a polite rejection gets ignored and compromises her own needs."

    That wasn't anything widly political to say. I was just trying to invite allistic women to be like "Hey yeah! I understand that kind of experience where you are confronted with the choice of being treated like shit for just expressing yourself directly or you have to placate someone else's needs and expend all of this energy just trying to get them to not treat you badly (and often they end up treating you badly after all that effort anyway). That sucks. I didn't realise that's what it was like for autistic people for most of their social interactions."

    But of course some ex-military jerkwad guy who was late self-identifying as autistic had to charge headlong into the replies to turn it into being all about men, all about him, and all about his own experience (and ableist perception) of autism to the exclusion of others. It was a perfect example of male fragility and it was yet-another example of guys doing that thing where they think they're defending men by arguing that they aren't capable of determining whether someone consents and that they cannot help but sexually harass women. Imagine how monstrous I am to argue that men are very much capable of knowing better and they can do things like "controlling their impulses like a mature human" being rather than being like wild animals that need to be physically restrained in order to protect the people around them. These dorks think the absolute worst of men and my hunch is that this kind of reply is mostly a self-report.

    Dudes rock /s

    • Tabitha ☢️[she/her]
      ·
      8 months ago

      "If I got attacked by a bear people would believe me"

      That one really hits close to home, as a victim of SA and as someone who has several friends, I've personally witnessed several SAs that went unbelieved, many men opened the conversation with damage control and downplaying for a dude they've never even met, but if a bear/snake/black guy was so much as spotted, you'd bet your ass 5-10 males are going to get off their assessment and do something about it.

    • Tomorrow_Farewell [any, they/them]
      ·
      8 months ago

      A lot of "defensive" men have been missing the point (shocker, I know) and they seem to think that it's a question about whether women would prefer to be attacked by one or the other, or that they are saying they'd rather be alone with a bear than any man including ones they know and trust

      I have no clue why men are so regularly offended when women talk about being unsafe in relevant conditions. I especially do not understand that when they themselves want to push the 'real men must be dangerous/strong/etc.' sort of BS.

  • FourteenEyes [he/him]
    ·
    8 months ago

    It's a TikTok thing. Hypothetically, would the woman being asked rather cross paths with a man she doesn't know in the woods, or a bear? Lots of women pick bear, because as an animal its behavior is more predictable and arguably less dangerous to a woman than some random dude who for all she knows is a serial murdering rapist or some shit. And think of it this way: you see a bear in the distance and calmly walk the other way, most of the time you'll be fine. It won't follow you back to the parking lot, and then get into a car of its own and follow you back to your apartment.

    Some men are upset by this reasoning and instead try to mansplain how dangerous bears are. (Bears will also not send you aggressive messages on social media berating you for some stupid TikTok meme bullshit)

    • Dirt_Owl [comrade/them, they/them]
      hexagon
      ·
      edit-2
      8 months ago

      So basically the offended men made a bunch of violent memes that kind of prove the women right lmao. Doesn't take much for some misogynists to get weirdly aggressive.

          • Findom_DeLuise [she/her, they/them]
            ·
            edit-2
            8 months ago

            Waving to the bear and saying, "Daddy Halsin UwU"

            Edit: This might actually make a black bear uncomfortable enough to stop it from bluff charging.

          • worlds_okayest_mech_pilot [he/him]
            ·
            8 months ago

            I feel like it would contribute a lot to society if I wrote "The Baldur's Gate 3 Guide to General Socialization and not Being a Misogynist on the Internet". Full of life lessons and all that. I'm sure it's the knowledge humanity needs

          • CthulhusIntern [he/him]
            ·
            8 months ago

            The Halsin fans saw this Internet shitstorm happen and thought "our time to shine".

    • Tankiedesantski [he/him]
      ·
      8 months ago

      (Bears will also not send you aggressive messages on social media berating you for some stupid TikTok meme bullshit)

      I've heard enough of my friends' Grindr experiences to know that this isn't true.

    • jonne@infosec.pub
      ·
      8 months ago

      Ah thank you for that. I was confused about the random references I kept seeing all over the place.

      • anarchoilluminati [comrade/them]
        ·
        8 months ago

        I get your point generally, and I agree generally, but women are taught and conditioned to be particularly cautious around men since very young due to the fact that men are the most dangerous facet of daily life to women. And if you're in some remote place, like a hiking trail where you're alone, then that may understandably heighten fears.

        Doesn't necessarily have to be a professional serial killer but some guy could very plausibly kill a woman on a trail just because he got angry that she turned him down or maybe because she told him that in response to the meme she said she'd rather pass a bear.

  • AFineWayToDie [he/him]
    ·
    edit-2
    8 months ago

    In short, a woman wrote a piece in which she asks several of her woman friends, if they were alone in the woods, whether they'd rather run into a man or a bear. The majority chose the bear.

  • Gorb [they/them]
    ·
    8 months ago

    Man upset that they are considered dangerous to women then proceed to prove the point by acting like homicidal violent maniacs. "I'm not dangerous, not all men" I plead while punching a hole in the wall and threatening violence.

    Bears however

    Show

    • DragonBallZinn [he/him]
      ·
      8 months ago

      It's kinda funny. CHUD men LOVE bragging about how much of a badass killing machine they are, and everyone around them should fear them. So when they finally get the fear they want, they don't like it.

    • Amerikan Pharaoh@lemmygrad.ml
      ·
      edit-2
      8 months ago

      Kuma would never do me as dirty as a white man could.

      ...wait that one's the true heir to the Mishima Zaibatsu idk he might; but he might also just drop me down a volcano so I'd still rather Kuma

    • Frank [he/him, he/him]
      ·
      8 months ago

      You have a good point i have not seen a single bear go on a misogynistic rant during this episode of "not all men"

  • Leon_Frotsky [she/her]
    ·
    edit-2
    8 months ago

    i solely know of this from a vaush fan in my vague social circle talking about it and me having no clue what they were talking about so i went to r/vaushv and searched up bear to try and get what they meant bcs it was so obviously just some dumb shit they'd gotten from there and there's like half a dozen threads of """progressive""" men going full pronouns ranting about leftist misandry and comparing being afraid of sexual harrasment to systemic racism against black men

    .

    here's the start of the current thread they've got going:

    Show

    vaush fan

    not some chud

    doubt

  • Ericthescruffy [he/him]
    ·
    8 months ago

    My S.O. posited this question to me and I choose the bear also and am surprised people here are pushing back against it.

    Granted: if I'm lost in the woods I might have a different answer but assuming I know where I am and I stumble on a bear it's incredibly statistically likely the bear is just minding its own business and isn't gonna get involved in my business and I can probably scare it off if it starts to approach me easily enough.

    If I encounter a strange person I'm immediately wondering what their reasons for being there even are. Sure: they might be the same as mine....but maybe they aren't. Impossible to say for sure. The bear is a known quantity. It's supposed to be there. I and the other person in the woods, generally speaking, aren't.

    • Iwishiwasntthisway
      ·
      8 months ago

      It really depends A LOT on the type of bear. The black bears of the northeast are basically Saint Bernard sized raccoons. They will almost always run from you unless they are really in ecstasy over a dumpster or something. They live concentrated around state parks like seagulls on boardwalks, even though the are periodically moved. They used to come scratch their backs on the side of our house, and I saw them hiking a handful of times.

    • CthulhusIntern [he/him]
      ·
      8 months ago

      I think one thing with this question is that it's framed in multiple different ways, and also kinda ambiguous. Like, when I first heard in the woods, the first thing I imagined was hiking on a trail, since that's the reason I would most likely be in the woods. Seeing other people on the trail is just part of it that doesn't even register. But I would certainly be on edge if I saw a bear on the trail. But being "stuck" or "lost" like I heard does change context.

    • Frank [he/him, he/him]
      ·
      8 months ago

      Right? This is the most basic construction of "women feel unsafe around men". I'm surprised by some of the responses here, like "what kind of bear is it?". I would think from the context it would be clear that the bear is a symbolic large dangerous animal to highlight women's jusifiable fears of being alone with men.

  • Xx_Aru_xX [she/her, they/them]
    ·
    edit-2
    8 months ago

    Make it a "Alone with an African man or a bear" and these men will agree with the women instantly lmao.

    edit: most of these men would prolly be against transwomen going into women bathrooms

    • ndondo@lemmy.dbzer0.com
      ·
      8 months ago

      This actually highlights my issue with it. Both this and racism feel the same to me. Even though I aknowledge that they clearly aren't.

      End of the day I'm still being judged for something i didn't do and wouldn't ever do. And that sucks.

      But seriously fuck my feelings, do what you have to to stay safe

      • Default_Defect@midwest.social
        ·
        8 months ago

        Can I add to this the "tell your male friends not to r*pe" bit too?

        If I tell a rpist not to be a rpist, I doubt they'll have an epiphany and change their ways. And telling someone that wouldn't do it in the first place is obviously not gonna help against r*pists.

        I don't get it.

        • MaoTheLawn [any, any]
          ·
          edit-2
          8 months ago

          Well yeah, but you can curtail someone's behaviour. I knew a guy who was creepy towards lots of my friends. I confronted him in a 'bro' way - like 'hey man I know you're not trying to be weird but I've heard a lot of people complain about the way you're treating people.' He was taken back, absolutely squirming in his skin. At first he denied it, so I doubled down that I don't think they'd have lied to me and what they'd said does sound bad. He cracked under the pressure and started apologising - I was like 'hey don't apologise to me - apologise to them if you want.'

          I don't know if he truly apologised, but I do know that those friends never endured his creepiness ever again. After a while he stopped hanging out in our circles completely.

          Perhaps it made him introspect about that moment. Perhaps he just went somewhere else to carry on creeping. But if there's a person with convictions like me 'somewhere else', then 'somewhere else' will not be welcoming to him either. And if everyone could do their part in combatting it, he will struggle to find a place to be a creep.

          The thing is, creeps creep far less if they know they'll be caught. Sure, some psychopaths might just do it anyway, but most of the time they work within what they know they can get away with. And the sexist undercurrents in society are what allow them to get away with it.

          It's not 'hey guys, guys, before we go out tonight can we all just agree 'No raping!'. It's identifying times when your probably drunk friend is being overbearing towards a girl and telling him to cut it out. If your friend is talking about women as if they're pieces of meat, he's dehumanising them, and when people are dehumanised they're more likely to be harassed/attacked and so on. That's the part you cut out.

          • Default_Defect@midwest.social
            ·
            8 months ago

            Maybe I'm taking the phrasing too literally, this makes sense to me and is absolutely the kind of thing I'd for someone and would want someone to do to me if I was coming off strong or giving off the wrong vibes.

            Thanks for the insight.

  • Tankiedesantski [he/him]
    ·
    edit-2
    8 months ago

    Idk how the choice is even controversial. Rather meet a bear in the woods than a man any day.

    Any man who chooses to be out in the woods when video games exist is clearly mentally unwell and dangerous.

    Bears simply don't have access to video games.

    Oh, and bears tend to not have guns, and are easier to outsmart or evade. That stuff too, but mostly never trust an "outdoorsy type".

  • BeamBrain [he/him]
    ·
    8 months ago

    A bear buys a new motorcycle and he wants to show it off to his friend rabbit. They get on and slowly go up a big hill. Then on the way down they go 80, 90, 100, 110, 120 km/h! The bear then asks the rabbit:

    ”Are you scared?”

    “Nope”, says the rabbit, so they finish the ride and get off the bike.

    “May I try driving now?”, asks the rabbit.

    “Sure, why not”.

    So they slowly go up the hill again, this time with the rabbit driving. And then they go down 80, 90, 100, 110, 120km/h! and the rabbit asks the bear:

    “Are you scared?”

    “Nope!”

    “Well you should be, cause I can’t reach the brakes.”

    • BeamBrain [he/him]
      ·
      edit-2
      8 months ago

      My first encounter with this hypothetical was from a TERF, which strongly and no doubt incorrectly colored my impressions of it, so I am self-limiting to shitposts

  • dinklesplein [any, he/him]
    ·
    8 months ago

    i honestly dont know how men are getting so mad about the bear thing tbh. like how is your first thought when confronted with women expressing how unsafe rape culture makes them feel 'but what about men's feelings though'?/??

    • Frank [he/him, he/him]
      ·
      8 months ago

      Joe definitively crushed MeToo four years ago and I don't recall much discussion of rape culture since then. That almost certainly has something to do with this. It would have been a fairly normal part of discource in 2018 or 2019. But Joe had to be crowned, so MeToo had to go, and now we've got Weinstein skipping out of prison. So there's been four years of relative media silence about rape culture and patriachy and we've circled back to "not all men" bullshit.

  • booty [he/him]
    ·
    8 months ago

    I'd just like to add that as a regular ol' cis dude, I'd much rather encounter a black bear than a random guy in the woods. I know how to deal with a black bear 99% of the time, I know how to deal with the random guy 85% of the time. I'm not particularly afraid of either scenario but I'd definitely take the bear.

    Make it a grizzly bear and idk, I've never been anywhere that has wild grizzlies so I don't know the proper protocol for dealing with them. Also in the 1% of cases where I can't defuse the situation I think a grizzly just wins that fight. I feel like I can make a black bear give up on killing me.

    I still think I'd rather take the grizzly bear that inexplicably hates me than the random guy that inexplicably hates me though. At least the grizzly will tell me how it really feels in very unambiguous terms.

    • Findom_DeLuise [she/her, they/them]
      ·
      8 months ago

      I've never been anywhere that has wild grizzlies so I don't know the proper protocol for dealing with them

      Play dead until you aren't playing anymore, basically

      • CthulhusIntern [he/him]
        ·
        8 months ago

        For a polar bear or mountain lion, however, by the time you see it, you're already dead. It already knew you were there, and specifically decided that it wanted to be in your presence.

    • TRexBear
      ·
      8 months ago

      deleted by creator

      • booty [he/him]
        ·
        8 months ago

        well, first of all, i did say "random guy." as in, a completely random draw of any guy out there. idk how the category of "hikers" self-selects for being more or less violent/unpredictable. but if it's a totally random guy, from what I've personally experienced in my day-to-day life, 15% seems like a pretty reasonable number for "guys who might just snap and kill me for any or no reason"

        Obviously not all guys in that category will snap and kill me for any or no reason, if they were that unstable they wouldn't still be out there. But any of them could decide I'm the first at any time. I've had strangers try to kill me for imagined slights before. Only men, at that. Like just to be clear, because I've seen a little more discussion about this, my comment is not of the "well I choose bear only because bears are pretty safe to encounter" variety. If it's a bear vs a random woman I choose the woman any day. No woman ever tried to murder me in broad daylight on busy streets for no reason.

  • CloutAtlas [he/him]
    ·
    8 months ago

    I'm a guy and I'd prefer the bear, and think everyone should choose the bear.

    I've seen several bears back when I lived in China, they're docile as fuck. I don't think they'd ever attack a person since, y'know, they're herbivores. They just sit around eating bamboo all day. It'd be like asking "Oh would you rather encounter a man in the forest or a wombat?"

    • FactuallyUnscrupulou [he/him]
      ·
      8 months ago

      I think my list of least dangerous to most dangerous is Blackbear, fellow hiker man, Grizzly Bear, man in woods not hiking, and man who owns property next to said hiking trail.

    • CthulhusIntern [he/him]
      ·
      8 months ago

      I think you're joking here, but pandas are absolutely not safe animals to be around. They can get very territorial and WILL fuck you up. Beautiful, yes. Safe? Absolutely not.

      • CloutAtlas [he/him]
        ·
        8 months ago

        Source? Growing up in China we were taught they were afraid of humans and flee if they catch our scent, which is why footage of wild pandas was near impossible to get. Males get aggressive around a short breeding season but even then they have never killed a human in recorded history.

    • TRexBear
      ·
      8 months ago

      deleted by creator

  • EstraDoll [she/her]
    ·
    8 months ago

    imo 60% of this discourse could be resolved if it was specified just what type of bear we're talking about.

    Black bear? Panda? Sun bear? basically big herbivores who are no more threatening than a cow or a large sheep. Black bear might try some bullshit but they weigh about as much as a heavier human anyway, very unlikely to hurt you

    Grizzly? Polar bear? yeah you're dead

    • PolandIsAStateOfMind@lemmygrad.ml
      ·
      8 months ago

      American tourists went for a walk in the Russian forest. As luck would have it, they encountered a bear. Screaming, panic, they run away. The bear is behind them.
      Nearby, in a clearing, a group of Russians is feasting. A blanket, vodka, a snack, bottles are cooling in the stream. Full culture, they don't bother anyone.
      Suddenly, a screaming mob bursts into the clearing and runs through the middle of the picnic. Blanket trampled on, vodka spilled - big deal! So the Russians chase the intruders and beat the crap out of everyone.
      Already a little calmed down, they return to the place of the event. One remarks in passing: "The one in the fur coat fought quite well"

    • Zuzak [fae/faer, she/her]
      ·
      8 months ago

      We also don't know what type of man we're talking about. Or the distance you encounter them, or whether you're lost in the woods or on a trail. There's a lot of ambiguity in the question in general.

      • bbnh69420 [she/her, they/them]
        cake
        ·
        8 months ago

        Which is the point. Respect to the fellow autistics in this community, but the point is not whether you could fight off a bear, the point is that the motivations of men can lead to far worse than solely animal instincts

        • Amerikan Pharaoh@lemmygrad.ml
          ·
          8 months ago

          the point is that the motivations of men can lead to far worse than solely animal instincts

          Honestly the folk who miss this point of the Bear Discourse™ are red-flagging enough to justify avoiding them

          • Tripbin [none/use name]
            ·
            edit-2
            8 months ago

            Depends on the situation. Now that its a meme everyone is delivering it differently and its like a game of telephone. My wife asked and I wasnt given context and she butchered it so I was just excited about doing a "would you rather" question so I started asking about where and what bears and what kind of man. Obviously after I found the context the point is clear if youre not a chud but I just thought we were having an old fashioned bear convo.

  • red_stapler [he/him]
    ·
    8 months ago

    There was a hypothetical about women’s safety, leading to women explaining why they would feel safer encountering a bear in the forest than a man they didn't know.

        • infuziSporg [e/em/eir]
          ·
          8 months ago

          The vast majority of men wouldn't attack a random stranger woman lmao. This is just straight up misandry

          The vast majority of bears wouldn't attack a random human lmao. This is just straight up speciesism