the one I think of immediately is that my dad would always say “stop being such a girl” when I complained about things. I picked up the phrase when I was young without thinking about it
then I said it to someone in elementary school and they said “what’s wrong with being a girl” and I was like wait yeah wtf why am I saying this
goddamn, yeah that’s a huge one I’m still unlearning. or any emotion, for that matter.
when we had a relative die, my dad would always tell us to “be strong” for them, which basically meant acting like nothing happened and not mourning together
It’s a good trait wrapped in a lot of bullshit about productivity. Mourning a loved one is good, it is natural, it is healthy, and we must be able to be strong enough to persevere and continue our own lives. It is a combination of sadness and stoic reality that you are deeply sad that this person is gone, and you deserve to be sad, but you have to continue living your own life because no amount of sadness will bring that person back. At the same time, this perverse system expects us to mourn for three days and then get back to work (maybe a week) when mourning for a loss can take weeks before you truly feel “normal” and even that’s a stretch depending on the loss.
funny enough i was listening to this elliott smith song with the same title just as i read this comment...
I was raised by a single mom and my father, a known womanizer, left us when I was 11 and I somehow got it in my head that pursuing and being sexually attracted to girls was brutish and for dog men only. My teens were filled with feeling shame and disgust over innocent stolen glances (never did awooga-level shit, always knew it was bad) and crushing on cute girls. Reading about sex-positive feminism helped so much and made it clear that healthy relationships are possible.
that makes a lot of sense. i'd grown up with a lot of shame attached to sex in general but i can see how this would poison your idea of attraction
That certain activities are girly or “women’s work” and should be avoided by men. No matter your gender, knowing how to cook, clean, and sew are all useful skills.
Being a neurodivergent removed (I'm reappropriating that term) with an underwhelming dick.
Safety and comfort! I've helped with a fair bit of handiwork in my family and I'm always chided as weak or feminine for wanting to use gloves, taking breaks, not overexerting myself, taking my time, etc. Once I started to work I realized the importance of doing things safely after my coworker was nearly blinded in one eye and numerous older coworkers would always stress the importance of ppe and doing things carefully to avoid chronic pain
Stoicism/"Rationalism." When I was a kid I was very energetic and expressive. But once I hit puberty I felt like I had to bottle that up and put it behind me, or no one would take me seriously. Coupled with questioning my religious upbringing, I dove hard into science, which wasn't bad except that I had this ideal of living as rationally as possible which meant pretending that I didn't have any feelings and being miserable all the time 😓
Taking a pride in my appearance beyond standard personal hygiene level is actually OK took a while to learn.
My dad used to really take the piss out of me and my brothers for taking any level of care of ourselves or making ourselves look good beyond what was functionally needed.
Hair gel, expressing a preference for clothing because it looked nice and I liked the way I looked in it, hell even those crappy skin creams they sell teenagers for spots (okay he was kinda right about the last one in that they don't work) all of that would mean he'd take the piss if he noticed. I mean yeah I probably did look a bit daft but that's not the thing you say to a teenaged boy really if you want to boost their confidence. I don't even think he did it maliciously tbh as it was learned behaviour from his dad but it sure has taken a long time to unlearn that.
I'm still pretty much a jeans, t-shirt and boots guy but have learned to enjoy wearing a nice suit, or a shirt that (I think anyway) looks good on me or whatever. Even a bit of very restrained aftershave if I am going out somewhere a bit posh with my gf. She's been a lot of help with that tbh but there's still a tiny bit of me that's pointing and laughing at myself when I type this. Took a while to learn but yeah, am far happier with being OK with making an effort to scrub up nice.
I think this is a really common one, for sure. The fact that even expressing a preference in clothes is “feminine” is wild, but it’s something I definitely experienced too.
Yeah it's an odd one alright but as you said very common.
I think you're right in that it's seen as a feminine thing to do. Weird stuff tbh.
