Once every week and a half or so, my entire sense of self and social confidence and whatever else just collapses altogether and I end up like this: either upset and crying over how bad I am at talking or angry and fucking grouchy about how bad I am at talking.

Yes "talking" literally is just posting online. I'm not gonna go try to ambush people irl with my weird shit, where would I even go? That stupid new canadian communist party? Local book club? Big brain ideas. Posting online is literally the only social interaction I getoutside of my wife, and I have to otherwise I will recede completely and probably become a full-tilt neet ot whatever.

Most days of a given week, I post and talk to people either by genuinely being happy and talking to people cause it's nice, mischevious shitposting instinct or rarely (read: not on hexbear) using spite as my motivator to post weird(I also naturally post weird without spite frequently).

I have really completely done the fake-it-till-I-make-it shit, and I'm actually pretty good at counjuring/manifesting/summoning via blood sacrifice confidence and self-assuredness, the ability to not worry so much what people think. I guess probably due to my social battery dying routinely though, there are days like today where the air just gets let out and I feel like dogshit and sad and hate everything and everybody. It's unpleasant honestly. I want not to be like this, it would be cooler to be emotionally stable. Pls tell me to touch grass?

        • ashinadash [she/her, comrade/them]
          ·
          1 month ago

          What's outside though? Oh look, neurotypical social norms and a lack of any third space, waow. Also constant reminders that the working class of this nation is being crushed under the increasingly heavy bootheel of the bougie shitscum.

          I guess I kind of lost the desire to talk to people after all my highschool friends turned out to be weird horrible fake neurotypicals. I go out for groceries and thrifting and whatever, but the world is not a cool place to be rn.

          • MusicOwl [comrade/them, she/her]
            ·
            1 month ago

            For me, it’s birding. Birding gets me outside touching grass, enjoying strange wildlife and a lot of other folk in the birding community don’t care if you’re queer, or are queer themselves. bird-screm-2

            • ashinadash [she/her, comrade/them]
              ·
              1 month ago

              Lil bird guys have been landing on my balcony and annoying my cat which I actually love. Wildlife is cool where it still exists.

          • JoeByeThen [he/him, they/them]
            ·
            1 month ago

            Okay, all good points, but! Have you tried microplastics, yet? They make that shit in every flavor you can imagine now.

  • GaveUp [she/her]
    ·
    1 month ago

    I'm not gonna go try to ambush people irl with my weird shit, where would I even go? That stupid new canadian communist party? Local book club? Big brain ideas

    If you live near a metropolitan city, there's probably a bunch of events for "weirdos" like furries, goths, alts, punks, queers, trans, etc. Just gotta find one Instagram of the event planners and then just trawl through their following list. That's how I found all the weird shit in my my city

    • ashinadash [she/her, comrade/them]
      ·
      1 month ago

      Fuck can you imagine using instragram? Gross.

      Idk if 120,000 is big enough for this, also I'd probably die. I am fucking scared to be near people and not mask(ND) at this point. There's a queer center thing downtown and I keep walking past it.

      • tamagotchicowboy [he/him]
        ·
        1 month ago

        At least look and see if the queer center has anything posted that catches your eyes, usually they have such things where you don't have to be right up on it nor anyone else. 120k is plenty.

        • ashinadash [she/her, comrade/them]
          ·
          1 month ago

          No that's fuckin scary :| what am I gonna do, just walk in there? What is IN there anyway? Probably a front desk lady...

          • tamagotchicowboy [he/him]
            ·
            1 month ago

            Nah don't hype yourself out. I very much doubt there's any personnel at the front desk, and if there is they're busy. You're overthinking it.

              • tamagotchicowboy [he/him]
                ·
                1 month ago

                Just go in there without thinking, but if you need to super over think it pick a day, time and walk in there to get what events are going on in the community. That's it.

      • GaveUp [she/her]
        ·
        1 month ago

        I mean nobody's forcing you to post. I never do posts or stories and 99% of my following are just party planners, bars, clubs, and political orgs

        That's fair, I think 120000 is definitely big enough to find stuff happening downtown on insta

  • LaGG_3 [he/him, comrade/them]
    ·
    1 month ago

    Whenever I get somewhere like this, I try to find something outside that's a big ol sisyphus to put some energy into. Whether that's some kind of exercise, yard project, or something else - I spent a good few hours on cleaning my shed today. It kinda helps recenter myself, even if it really sucks to get started on it.

    And like others said, if you logout for a bit, there'll be even more posts for you to see when you have time to come back.

    • ashinadash [she/her, comrade/them]
      ·
      1 month ago

      I miss exercise, I have a bike and I used to really like long jogs and shit, but I'm so far past being able to exercise now. Half hour walks can brutalise me if I'm not careful. Also I got no yard =)

      I am decent at doing projects to recenter, for me I usually record tapes or do something computer related, hardware or software or w/e. I also like doing maintenance around the house, installing curtain rods or replacing window screens, washing clothes by hand. Projects are good!

      • LaGG_3 [he/him, comrade/them]
        ·
        1 month ago

        Yeah, anything to make the space you live in a touch nicer is always great!

        Even if exercise is a bit much for you, just getting some fresh air and sun can really work wonders - just something like reading a book for a bit at the park or whatever can help.

        • ashinadash [she/her, comrade/them]
          ·
          1 month ago

          Read, outside thonk the theoretical possibility of someone asking what I'm reading is both terrifying and fascinating. Maybe if I ever detach at the hip from wifey...

          Fwiw I do still try to keep "active", like we made walking to the grocery store more scenic and it's almost 30mins now. I could maybe serve to just go for walks more?