I’m being absolutely crushed by dysphoria right now and have been the last couple days.
Talk of dysphoria. Specifically childhood and lacking a uterus.
I can’t handle it right now. Everything I’ve done the last few days I swear has found a way to trigger my remaining dysphoria. I keep being reminded that my egg cracked in my 30s. That I started transitioning in my 30s. That I never had and never will have a proper childhood or any of the experiences therein. And then I keep being reminded that I can’t have children. I don’t have a uterus to carry a child. I am extremely unlikely to ever be able to adopt due to being a polyam transbian. I’ll never have the experience of raising a child and helping them experience the world and help them succeed in their lives. Never ever will I be able to.
I just can’t all of this right now. With all of it being heavily exacerbated by PMDD and I’m just absolutely crippled by negative emotion right now. I want to cry, but I don’t want my partners to catch on. I’m also afraid how PMDD me will respond. I don’t want to inadvertently hurt anyone.
I’m being absolutely crushed by dysphoria right now and have been the last couple days.
Talk of dysphoria. Specifically childhood and lacking a uterus.
I can’t handle it right now. Everything I’ve done the last few days I swear has found a way to trigger my remaining dysphoria. I keep being reminded that my egg cracked in my 30s. That I started transitioning in my 30s. That I never had and never will have a proper childhood or any of the experiences therein. And then I keep being reminded that I can’t have children. I don’t have a uterus to carry a child. I am extremely unlikely to ever be able to adopt due to being a polyam transbian. I’ll never have the experience of raising a child and helping them experience the world and help them succeed in their lives. Never ever will I be able to.
I just can’t all of this right now. With all of it being heavily exacerbated by PMDD and I’m just absolutely crippled by negative emotion right now. I want to cry, but I don’t want my partners to catch on. I’m also afraid how PMDD me will respond. I don’t want to inadvertently hurt anyone.