• CloutAtlas [he/him]
      hexbear
      25
      23 days ago

      I can think of a few funny scenarios to come out of this.

      Customer: "Ok, so with 15% tip that comes to-"

      Audible cocking of a revolver

      Customer: "Sorry I misspoke, so with 50% tip that comes to-"

      • CloutAtlas [he/him]
        hexbear
        22
        23 days ago

        In a better world:

        Assistant: "Uhh, sir? A bunch of the drivers are outside demanding a dental plan and stock options"

        CEO: "Too bad, they're contractors and not employees, have security escort them out"

        Assistant: "Sir, security is refusing to touch this one. They're all armed to the teeth. One of the, erm, contractors is open carrying a Barrett .50 Calibre sniper rifle and is pointing it at your portrait in the lobby mouthing the words "pew pew pew" repeatedly while miming the motion of recoil on the gun"

        CEO: "...actually their demands are perfectly reasonable"

    • EmmaGoldman [she/her, comrade/them]M
      hexbear
      24
      23 days ago

      I was curious so I went and took a few security guard practice tests online. The worst score I got was an 85%. They're mostly basic questions about taking notes, placing people under a citizen's arrest, when it's appropriate to unholster a weapon, whether or not you should impersonate a cop, or fire extinguisher use. I genuinely think the only way to fail is if you're answering blatantly wrong questions like "shoot him in the face" or "scream at any teenager that approaching on your side of the street is a felony" or "tell them that you're a police officer and will arrest them" or "throw the fire extinguisher into the fire."

    • sir_this_is_a_wendys [he/him]
      hexbear
      24
      23 days ago

      Wait you can not qualify to be a security guard? They are pretty much synonymous with people who can't qualify to become cops, which is...really something.

      • Acute_Engles [he/him, any]
        hexbear
        19
        23 days ago

        Where i live you have to get a certification for nonviolent de-escalation of conflict it's honestly one of the easiest tests I've ever taken as an adult

      • InevitableSwing [none/use name]
        hexagon
        hexbear
        13
        23 days ago

        I googled it but I got nowhere. Assuming the post is true - I bet the CEO tried to join some private security firm and he failed their test over and over.

  • Rojo27 [he/him]
    hexbear
    27
    23 days ago

    In you there are two rideshare apps. One is Blackwolf, the other is Uber.

  • Dolores [love/loves]
    hexbear
    22
    23 days ago

    If someone with a gun enters your car, they’re gonna kill you

    i think willingly and knowingly getting into a stranger who is armed's car is pretty fucking close to this

  • Hestia [comrade/them, she/her]
    hexbear
    14
    23 days ago

    "You've reached your final destination"

    "But we're I the middle of the woods, I wanted to go downt-"

  • Sickos [they/them, it/its]
    hexbear
    13
    23 days ago

    Time to steal some identities then steal some guns, I guess.

    Seriously, bets on how long until the first video one one of these guys getting robbed shows up?

  • buh [any]
    hexbear
    12
    23 days ago

    Whoever came up with this is the type of guy who plays cyberpunk 2077 and thinks "this all looks so cool, I wish I lived here but without the fancy technology"