This is my cat, Max. His dad was a feral maine coon and his mum was a lazy barn cat. He is simultaneously weirdly crafty and the most head-empty animal you could meet.
He yaps a lot which is normal, he likes annoying the birds at our window. But also he will not stop eating hair? I don't exactly leave random strands of hair everywhere; my wife and I have shoulder length & extremely long hair respectively, but we always put stray strands in the bin.
Idk where he even finds it, but he eats hair. He loves to eat hair. He sits by the couch or our carpeted stairs and he chomps at the air, trying to grab a spare strand and eat it. He chomps like mad all day at random places. Occasionally I catch him dragging his ass, because he has a turd hanging from his butthole by a long strand of hair 
Why on earth does he do this? How do I stop him? Why is my dog so dumb??
seen it before, pulled cat poop from a cat butt stuck with hair, just the way of the road
this is what happens when u have a silly lil hair-eatin kitty cat
idk, sweep/vacuum constantly to keep the hair away? but it will only mitigate the inevitable
He always finds them... I think it's just strands that come free from my head when I'm not paying attention
sneaky dogcould you make your hair taste bad or be otherwise unappealing somehow? is there a particular scent/flavor that he hates but you like well enough to wear it in your hair for a few months?
Does my hair taste good??
Uh he hates coffee, I offer him coffee sometimes and he backs up lmao. Coffee perfume...? 
The face of a guy who jumped up on your bed at midnight and dragged his ass around on the quilt with a turd attached, requiring you and your wife to wash the bedspread in the bathtub by hand:
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When the cat moves so fast he'd assumed the crouching position mid air to fly across the bed before you had time to even react to what was happening lmao
Do they do it for fibre/aid digestion? If it helps clump the poo up (despite the long strands). Plus they ingest so much hair from self grooming anyway what's a little more gunna do
Well small hairs are fine, hairball, but I worry about the strands in his intestines and stuff, y'know. Can cats get fibre from hair...?
Also Idk, my boy has always been a healthy, solid pooper. He does puke more as a result of this it seems
Can cats get fibre from hair...?
I guess because hair (made form keratin, a protein) doesn't break down in the gut, it could serve a similar digestive function to the plant fibres humans and other animals get through their diet. So not really fibre by the same chemical composition but fibre in the sense of 'long resilient threads'
The dog has an instinct to eat my fucking hair
Uh is there something I can substitute that's less annoying and has lower chances of dangly turds?
Not sure, I've only ever kept dogs and we just kinda put up with their weird habits, like, eating grass to puke. When I've looked after friends' cats before they say not to worry too much about the hair. They use static or sticky rollers to clean their own hair from clothes and furniture as best as possible.
Hopefully some long-hair cat carers can chime in with better advice.
I mean if it's not a risk it's fine I suppose, the dangly turds are annoying but only that, so...
Cleaning a nerds rope from the litter tray is always fun, hey
Maybe get some cat grass? My cat likes to chew on random shit but if we give her some cat grass she will go to that every time. If there is no cat grass she'll just start chewing on random bits of fluff and hair on the floor.
The downside of cat grass is it doesn't really stop the turd hanging on by a thread problem cos the hair is now replaced with grass although its not as bad. Its also generally healthier and safer and also she REALLY likes it and gets super mad when we forget to refresh the grass
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They can do if she's eaten a big enough strand whole but mostly its chewed up. She's only tracked maybe 1 or 2 grass turds about the house over the last year
He likes to eat our hair love, maybe he just likes the taste of queers?
Fastest I've ever seen him move is when he was dragging his arse with a trail of poop attached
Tfw half shocked and half bursting to laugh at how comical it looks
Reminder to anyone dealing with hair-attached turds dangling from more turd that's still inside your cats butthole: DO NOT pull on the dangler, you could give your cat anal prolapse or mess up their insides
If you must, use scissors to remove danglers by carefully cutting through poop/hair, then just encourage your cat to finish their poopin business. Sometimes we just put ours in the bathroom with her litter box and close the door. Another thing you can do is dab some warm water around their butthole, to emulate the way momma cats apparently lick their little kittens buttholes to encourage them to go
See this is what I was looking for, ty. I have always wondered about the health concerns, my hairs are like three feet long. Might try the warm water thing tbh.
Occasionally I catch him dragging his ass, because he has a turd hanging from his butthole by a long strand of hair
I love him
He loves you too, he has a preference for masculinity tbh, he fucks around. Guy hates that he lives with two lesbians
pls
Sounds terrible...
yeag
never say this to me again, "taste of queers" 
