Seriously
I'm not going to describe anything in detail but suffice to say the jury would likely need little time to deliberate. (I would pepper spray him then mock him for being a dork)
I would say "Holy shit this is just like the classic 2012 Kyoto Animation hit anime series Love, Chunibyo & Other Delusions except I'm pretty sure I have a disease now"
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
I would vomit in his face bust also mods ban this I actually vomited a little
Immediately go home and have a hot shower, scrubbing with a metal scouring pad
Aren't all buns by definition tied?
I really don't know.
You have violated the NAP
I don't care to know but I assume he is a full lolbertarian by this point
I would vote for a certain lady whom I trust to make that kind of uncivil behavior illegal.