I'm not holding out I don't think, I'm fairly sure that in my line of work I'm not going to get she/her'd at any point unless I sic HR on every single person who fucks it up, and i'd so, so much rather get he/him'd organically than get she/her'd because people feel like they'll get in trouble if they don't. it's really not worth the bonus transmisogyny that'd flag me for. My friends are much better and I'm so happy I have them, although I'm a busy person fighting tooth and nail for other busy people's time, so it's somewhat hard juggling the exhaustion of aggressive socializing versus the exhaustion of solitude.

I do also like the way I present too, I feel like I've done everything I can with what I've got, and ultimately I'm okay, but it's definitely a bummer. I absolutely certainly definitively have dysphoria and it's for things that definitely aren't going away, so I either have it for life and I get used to it, or I get better at being happy with what I have - both of which sound cynical but are totally legitimate options.

At the end of the day, trans girls are perfect and beautiful, and I know this because I feel that way about all of them, so even if I can't direct that inward, I know I'm not the only one who feels this and I know there's just as much love for me out there as I have for others.